Sunday, April 30, 2006

Darfur: Help the People of Color!

It's clear that the United States must immediately intervene to stop the genocide in Darfur. Out of Iraq, out of Iran, and into Darfur.

Why? Because it is our opportunity to save the world's oppressed without any benefit to the piggish louts who live in America.

Similarly, I was very much in favor of President William Clinton bypassing Congress and of course bypassing the United Nations when he launched a bombing capaign on Serbia in order to "make the world safer for the 21st century."

(Well, at least the world was made safer until chimpanzee Bush made it dangerous again.)

Fact is, I was very concerned about the oppressed Bosnians, even if they do appear to be white. But most of all, Amerika really had little to gain by this bombing. This is altruism in the best sense, and it is why we did not stage any protests.

Remember: In all interventions, we must never gain, and we must always protect people of color. From Rwanda to South Africa to Palestine, we must be vigilant.

We are their patrons, and we must protect them.

I think I'll greet a black person on my way home today; they like it when we do that!

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Democrat Door-Knocking Event Today!

Today is Neighbor-to-Neighbor National Organizing Day; we’ll be canvassing the entire country, knocking on people’s doors! And once we’re in their homes, we’ll convert them to our side!

Read the words of Governor Howard Dean:

“Thousands of volunteers will recruit hundreds of thousands more Americans committed to changing the status quo this year during door-knocking events in communities across America.”

Want to know what will be going on in your community? Go here and pick an event!

Me, I’m going to start early – maybe 4AM. And I’m going to push my way in and not leave until I am spinning with success.

Here are some tips for persuading ignorant people to join us:

A) Be sure to raise your voice; screaming and emoting will reveal your human side.

B) Repeat the same points over and over again; it’s like hammering a nail into a wall.

C) Don’t let them get a word in! You’re there to speak to them!

D) Point out any deficiencies in their house like the presence of labor-saving devices that replace union labor – dish washers, washing machines, electricity, etc.

E) If you are hungry, raid the fridge! It will show them that we are all about sharing.

F) Emphasize your academic background.

G) Demand to see five years worth of tax returns.

H) Remember diversity: If you see any children, boast how you’re a NAMBLA member – it’s your First Amendment right!

I) Demand lots of money; organizing isn’t cheap!

Also, remember to slap large non-removable stickers on their car when you leave. “Human Extinction NOW” is a good choice. Or maybe, “Driving this Car Pays for the Zionist Enemy.” And there’s always, “Fuck You and Fuck Your Hummer”.

Friday, April 28, 2006

The Ten Most Harmful Government Programs

I’ve noticed that some enemy blogs have been listing their “ten most harmful government programs”.

OK, I’ll bite!

Here’s my list:

1) The Second Amendment

I’ll get back to you later, perhaps, with others.

But speaking of things that should be outlawed, a very good case can be made that televisions are very dangerous – let’s ban them, too!

Thursday, April 27, 2006

The Christians are After Me

This was to be expected, I suppose, for my post on why I hate Christians.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Garfield on Oil Prices

I have to confess...sometimes the comic strip "Garfield" is funny...and educational!

Did you see today's strip where they discuss oil prices?

Gas Prices: Too High or Not High Enough?

The short answer is "both". That is:

- Gas prices are too high because Big Oil is getting rich, and

- Gas prices are too low because people are still buying gas.

Lets look a little closer at this.

Reasons for high gas prices:

A) According to the estemed U.S. Senator Charles Schumer, gas prices do not follow the laws of supply and demand:

"The oil companies are just raising the prices up and up and up. The question is are they doing this based on the laws of supply and demand or is something else at work," Schumer told reporters over the din of city traffic at a press conference in front of a Manhattan gasoline service station."

B) Of course, there is "something else at work". For starters, how about Dick Cheney's Oil Wars? Blood for oil, and oil for money to line the pockets of Cheney and his fat-cat friends. Have you read Dreaming War by Gore Vidal? I haven't had the time to look at it, but I highly recommend it. The description is luscious:

"And just as Pearl Harbor got America into World War II, Cheney and Bush gleefully used 9/11 to begin a long war against enemies who just so happen to live amidst the oil reserves coveted by our executive branch (themselves former oil barons)."

C) According to U.S. Senator Richard Durbin, prices are high because oil companies are greedy:

“American consumers are paying the price for an energy policy that rewards the greed of oil and gas companies..."

But U.S. Senator Bob Menendez really got it right:

"It's crystal clear that the current spike in gas prices is at least partly due to an act of greed, greed that has been enabled, abetted — even encouraged, I would say — by this administration."

Recently, a student questioned this reason, noting that this implies that oil companies were not greedy in the past; his attack on progressive economics earned him an "F". Look, people, this is gouging and profiteering! Have you not considered that true progressives never make profits?

Anyway, look at the sharp wit of Senator Durbin! Forgive me for chuckling while so many suffer, but this man is outrageously funny with his word play:

“Oil companies are living in the fast lane and consumers are being left on the side of the road,” Durbin said. “How many more billions of dollars in outrageous profits will oil and gas companies continue to make before Congress finally steps in to protect consumers and businesses hit hard by the skyrocketing costs.”

Here's why gas prices ought to be even higher:

A) Filthy fat Amerikans are still driving! They have not switched to bicycling, walking, and other eco-friendly forms of transportation .

B) Gas prices are higher in Europe, and Europe is far more progressive than Amerika.

C) Low gas prices leave too much money in private hands. Given all the public needs, it is unacceptable for people to retain such private wealth.

The Solution:

- 1000% gas taxes; $30 per gallon is only fair.

- 100% taxation of all oil profits.

- A progressive and benevolent government takeover of the oil industry.

- One car maximum per household, with its purchase price subject to a 100% Federal environmental tax to supplement UAW retirement benefits.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Why I Hate Christians

First, let me point out that some Christians have their good points, and are brave people. (See here and here.)

But by and large, we are talking about theological imperialism. In their insane bipolar subservience to The Pope and fascist Bush, Christians are slaves to their own narrow dogma -- and are actively attempting to pollute the entire world with their poison.

You see, what matters to them is their perverse personality-cult hate-filled doctrine, which is the very antithesis of our human-based Revolution. Christians are closed-minded, doctrinaire, and are guided by an obscene faith -- the complete opposite of, say, me.

The table below shows how different I am from a typical Christian:

We can only dream of a world without Christians...

Monday, April 24, 2006

Higher Education: NOTHING is More Important

According to government statistics, there are more college graduates than ever before in the U.S. – meaning, of course, that people are therefore becoming more educated –- and intelligent -- than ever.

But first, some background. While only 15% of the population over 65 have a Bachelors Degree or higher (i.e., the dumb generation), 28% of those aged 25 to 34 (i.e., the intelligent generation) have that level of education.

(Incidentally, only 1% of the population holds a doctorate; the percentage with three doctorates is too small for a normal mind to comprehend.)

Now, some people claim that this increase in college graduates is a result of an accelerated evolution of the human mind. Although I respect such views, I will leave such speculation to the experts in aphoristic existentialistic nomicism. Far more likely, it reflects the desirability of students to postpone their fate of capitalist slavery in exchange for a few years of enlightenment from insightful professors. And, of course, we also know that one's chances of success in life are determined exclusively by the reputation of their university.

And that is why it is so disturbing to see "studies" (such as this -- just absolute garbage) which fraudulently claim that attending elite colleges does not result in higher earnings.

Going to an academically elite college does not necessarily boost your earnings potential compared to a less elite college, according to a study by Princeton University economist Alan Krueger. In his paper "Estimating the Payoff to Attending a More Selective College," published by the National Bureau of Economic Research, a school's selectivity, as measured by matriculants' average SAT scores, does not correlate with students' later income, once the abilities of the students upon entering college are taken into account....The researchers not only looked at the schools that students attended but also where they were accepted and rejected. They found that where a student applies is a more powerful predictor of future earnings success than where he or she attends.

First of all, as a distinguished professor at a quality university, I am offended by this assertion. So offended, in fact, that I might sue for libel. But legalisms aside, even the dimmest fascists who spread these lies must realize the axiomatic cause-and-effect between superior instruction and an outcome of superior graduates.

Put another way, you are your university. A person can only be defined by where they went to school, where they teach, and the number of degrees they hold. And given those facts (especially the last one), it is therefore plainly evident that my expertise in this area cannot be debated. My lawyers are at the ready.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

A Comic for Children

Although my expertise (among other things) is in teaching advanced insights to highly educated pupils, I will now share a comic that you can show to your children. Their malleable young minds need to be formed, and mixing education and entertainment can do the job.

This is cleverly titled “Comrade and Che” -- a synopsis of thought that will lead to social justice.

The dialogue is real, but presented in a way that children can understand, enjoy, and repeat.

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Millions and Millions of Immigrants: Part 2

The other day, I posed the question: If urban overdevelopment, suburban sprawl, and rural destruction are off limits, then where shall the millions of Mexican immigrants live? (Given, of course, that we welcome them.)

The answer, in the comment section, from "Juan", was:

I propose that we let the immigrants into our homes. This would solve many problems. Or better yet, the government could become the owner of all homes and assign homes based on need and circumstance!

This is nothing short of stupendously brilliant, though I do not know why Juan has suppressed his multiple academic credentials.

Regardless, it is a perfect scenario. As it is, we waste far too much energy with only one family per apartment -- to say nothing of one family for an entire house! It is the residential equivalent of driving a Hummer; i.e., a lifestyle that we cannot afford, nor have any right to have.

By my reckoning, we could easily have one family per room. Therefore, if the typical apartment has two bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen and a bathroom, then we can easily accommodate five families in there. That would allow a five-fold increase in population, or 1,200,000,000 immigrants -- preferably from Latin America, Africa, and The Middle East (Zionists, of course, need not apply) without any new housing development.

In fact, with a little academic ingenuity and the correct policy prescriptions, it would be no trouble to accommodate the entire world's population in Amerika (but without Zionists).

How to do it? Simple. Eliminate all customs controls and border checks. (People working in these positions will be granted early retirement at full pay.) No passports, no visas, no stories. Who can object? Even many right-wing fascists agree that immigration is a positive thing. For that matter, even moron Bush knows that there should be no such thing as an "illegal alien".

And once the entire world's population is living here (with some exceptions, as noted above), our imminent national health care will become global health care! Our Federal taxes will become global taxes! Our revolution will be a Global Revolution! And the reprehensible Amerikan population will finally, FINALLY, be forced to give back what they took from the world -- because everyone will be living within the same national borders.

Of course, until that day comes, we still need to pay for the world outside our borders -- they deserve it and we do not. Think: If we owe money to people within our borders, then by what standard can we reject it to those who are outside our borders?

Friday, April 21, 2006

April 29: March for Peace, Justice, Democracy

OK, peeps, mark your calendars!

The big day is April 29th, in New York City, and we’re going to march for peace, justice, and democracy.

We’ll be coming from all over the country and all over the world to fight for what is ours, and to protest what we need to protest!

To whet your appetite for this festival of peace, justice, anger, and rage, here are some thoughts from others who will be attending…

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Students Smash Sweatshops

Here are some students who are doing the right thing:

A handful of students stripped for a protest and rally at UC Berkeley to call on UC administrators to adopt a policy that would ensure that logo apparel is produced in factories that respect workers' rights... Eighteen students affiliated with Tuesday's protest were cited for trespassing after they staged a sit-in in California Hall, which houses administrative offices, including the chancellor's office.

Frankly, I believe that these sort of actions would qualify as PhD dissertations, or at least exempt these students from studying economics.

This is a battle for full union benefits, 35 paid holidays, and a $75 minimum wage for every worker in the world -- to say nothing of ironclad job guarantees like in France. I have been hounding my university's administration for years to solve the problem of worker oppression, and I'm proud -- damn proud -- to see the students making the painful, though necessary, sacrifices to bring justice to the international working class.

And I'll bet that their parents are also damn proud.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Musings on Other Cultures XI: Slavery

As we know, slavery exists everywhere on Earth. But slavery differs in the various parts of the world -- from the benign practices in Mauritania and Sudan to the shame of the ongoing American slavery of African-Americans, operated by you-know-who. Of course, all capitalism is slavery, which in itself is an indictment of Amerika and its Zionist puppet masters.

That said, what shall we do about slavery? Is it beneficial because it is a feature of Islamic societies? Or is it wrong because it was (and still is!) practiced in Amerika?

As with other such dilemmas, it is useful to remember the Law of Relativity: No act is wrong if it is practiced in a superior culture. Hence, the laws of logic (and physics) dictate that it would be immoral for Amerikans to dictate morality to African Sun People and to the adherents of Islam. It's quite the reverse, in fact: We can learn much from them!

Now, you ask, "Professor Kurgman, what can we learn from slave owners in Sudan?" And I respond by saying, "We don't know what we can learn from them because we haven't learned it yet!" It is similar to being in my class. That is, pupils start the semester with empty cranial cavities that yearn for knowledge and hunger for justice. But not only do they not know what they will learn, they are initially unaware that these things even exist. For example, they will learn how to resist the oppressive hegemonic forces that they will encounter in life -- but on the first day, many are unaware that they are already victims!

Similarly, we must listen to African slave owners so that they can teach us things that we never knew existed. Yes, for once, I will be the student. And my students, being several academic degrees removed from me, will require my interpretative skills to translate the complexity of Sun Thought for their minds that have been, to a great extent, irreversibly damaged by their parents and Amerikan thought-poisoning.

It makes me wonder how the state can save our children before their empty minds are defiled. That is, if public school is mandatory at the age of six, then why not make school mandatory, "24/7", from birth?

That is a topic for another time. And yet, I can already see the parallels between state-raised children and the benevolent modern-day slavery in Africa. If we work together, then we, as a society and as a community, will make it happen.

[For older installments of the "Other Cultures" series, go here.]

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Class Assignment on Mexican Immigration

Here is an assignment that I gave to one of my classes:

Given that it is indisputable that millions and millions of Mexicans should move to Amerika, and that

A) We must not allow overdevelopment of our cities,

B) We must not allow suburban sprawl, and

C) We must not allow developers to rape our farmland and countryside,

Then propose a policy that Amerika should adopt for housing these people (aside from the obvious one).

I Hate Cars. I HATE CARS.

Is there anything more evil and insidious than cars? For me, they epitomize so many things that I hate about Amerika and its rich, lazy, and pampered ruling class. In particular, I despise the self-indulgent assumption that permits our "overlords" to poison our air with their cars while they live in sprawling suburbs in large homes with garages. And for what? To feed the insatiable appetite of the racist Republican/Christianist war-mongering industrial machine that churns out vehicles and wrecks the lives of the working class?

Fortunately, though, the people are fighting back. Some call it "vandalism" but I call it "Reclaiming The Earth". Simply put, The Earth cannot coexist with the automobile. A just planet is a car-free planet! As an illustration of how we could all live, look at this map o
f world passenger car ownership.

Without cars, the entire planet could be like the Central African Republic, Bangladesh and Tajikistan, where there is "one car for every 2000+ people." (As opposed to Amerika, which accounts for one-quarter of the world's cars.)

And now, the Doctor's Prescription:

  • Demolition of all "big box" stores, to be replaced with government clinics and food-supply depots.
  • Union-controlled public transportation only.
  • Population transfers into central cities.
  • Shared apartments.
  • Negative population growth.

Here is how we ought to be living:

Reclaim The Earth! Let those SUV owners know how you feel! Stickers, spray paint, rocks, or whatever -- the planet is ours, and they have no right to take it away.

If you own a car, you are guilty. If you own two or more cars, you should look in the eyes of a homeless child and live with the heartless monster that you are.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Bush: I Will Nuke Iran

Hell is here because that bastard Bush has explicitly threatened a nuclear war against Iran! PEOPLE! THIS MONSTER MUST BE STOPPED!

The news is all over the "blogosphere", so you
know that it must be true. HE WILL GET US ALL KILLED!

And for what? Because President Ahmadine
jad said that Iran is now a nuclear power? We can't prove that Iran is!

Because the President Ahmadinejad promised to "wipe Israel off the map"? We can't prove that he means it!

Because the Iranian Parliament chants "Death to America"? We can't prove that they really mean it!

Because Iran is supposedly sending suicide bombers to Britain? That can’t be proven either!

But we can prove beyond any doubt that Bush's finger is on the nuclear button right this minute, and that it is ready to be pressed!

Just look at this article from today's Int
ernational Herald Tribune or whatever:

Fact: Like a frightened mouse, Iran is only trying to defend itself from proven American aggression. Who can blame them for their actions? They can't help it; no one has control over their own actions when they are threatened!

Bush, you insane coward, end the threat and bury your nukes. The whole world is watching, you scumbag.

Neil Young: Impeach Bush

Man, do I feel young today! (Humorous pun intended.)

You see, Neil Young and I have been through it all. Man, we lived through 'Nam! Yeah, I still have my battle scars from those sit-ins, and Neil was there, too, doing what he had to do!

We won that war (against fascist Nixon, that is), but the war didn't really end. The beast has returned in an even more virulent form, but Dick Cheney's rifles are impotent against Neil Young's chords. And when Neil sings for impeachment, you just know that it has got to happen! You're going down, Bush!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Rachel? I Don't Know What to Say...

Oh my. And every time I reload, I see a different side of you...

More Thoughts on April 15th

I enjoy seeing where tax dollars go. Did you know that there is a book that summarizes this information? For some reason, it is called "The Pig Book" (undoubtedly referring to Dick Cheney and his corrupt war-profits machine), and it has some useful information.

Specifically, here are some programs that make me proud that you pay taxes:

$3,000,000 for the Foundation for Environmental Security and Sustainability, for producing invaluable documents like this:


2. Persistent hardship and unrest erode societies, jeopardize social order, impair state capacity, undermine the rule of law, and fuel the precursors to violence. For this reason, it is imperative to develop improved assessment tools, both to recognize the harbingers of environmentally induced conflict in their nascent stages and to prioritize and develop coordinated assistance crisis situations.

How true. Even in my personal life, I am continuously developing improved assessment tools to recognize harbingers.

$100,000,000 added by the House for the Even Start program.

Even Start offers promise for helping to break the intergenerational cycle of poverty and low literacy in the Nation...

$100,000,000 for a promise, I feel, is a bargain. Especially since there is no other way of breaking the intergenerational cycle of poverty. It is, after all, a cycle. The parents are impoverished, and then the children are. What completes this cycle? When the children's poverty impoverishes the parents! That is why it is a cycle. Regardless, history has shown that poverty can only be eliminated by rich people sharing their wealth. Without a government mechanism for encouraging such transfers, everyone would be poor.

$5,000,000 for The Autonomous Rendezvous and Docking Center of Excellence.

I almost wonder how an entire center of excellence can be funded with only $5,000,000. To be sure, this is evidence of Bush's miserliness.

$26,350,000 for a facility restoration plan in the state of Senate Appropriations Committee ranking member Robert C. Byrd, at the Robert C. Byrd Institute for Flexible Manufacturing. Clearly, this is not enough money to "grow" the state and eliminate racism and inequality. I would suggest increased disbursements of Even Start dollars.

In any event, the Federal Budget for 2007 will be about $2,700,000,000,000, which at under $10,000 per person is clearly far too little. Of course, there are also state budgets, local budgets, school district budgets, and inflation to pick up the slack -- but we are clearly undertaxed.

In fact, there are entire sectors of the economy that are still somewhat unregulated. These areas (such as food, clothing, shelter, etc., etc., etc.) cry for taxes, regulation, and complete government control. And until the budget is equal to the GDP (a technical term that you probably don’t understand), I will not rest.

And neither should you. It’s never too late to contribute a little extra to the IRS. How much extra? Well, do you have a savings account? If so, you can and should pay more!

Saturday, April 15, 2006

It's April 15th and I Feel Great!

Once again, we are at that time of year that separates societal excellence from dog-eat-dog capitalist barbarism. Specifically, I am referring to taxes -- the great equalizer and the great source of justice. As always, I am proud to be paying my taxes -- and I only wish they were higher.

Now, the bullying right-wing hypocrites might impertinently ask, "Professor Kurgman, if you enjoy paying taxes so much, then why don't you pay more than what the IRS suggests?"

To which I respond, "You are a racist and homophobic bigot, and this will be reflected in your final grade."

But fortunately, I was not faced with such attacks this year, and delighted in paying my share of taxes. And I also did my civic duty of reporting suspected underpaying students, coworkers, relatives, and friends to the IRS.

Now, as it happens, my many conventions, retreats, and consultations ate into a large part of my income. To say nothing of charitable expenses, energy credits, the office in my second home, and the value of my time that was contributed to organizations like The American Civil Liberties Union, The Center for Corporate Policy, The Communist Party USA, The Vegan Society, The Coalition of Labor Union Women, The Transgender Law & Policy Institute, The Rachel Corrie Rebuilding Campaign in Gaza, The Democatic People's Republic of Korea, and The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement.

So, following the rules, I will be getting a large refund. Combined with farm subsidies for various produce that I do not grow (and some extra subsidies from the Department of Agriculture’s Conservation Security Program for my green farming of a few tomato plants that I self-fertilize), I will be revenue-positive for tax year 2005.

If only Bush and his filthy cabal of neoconservative rapists were as responsible with their budget as I am with mine!

I hate Amerika.

Friday, April 14, 2006

The Monster of Racism vs. The Goal of Diversity

While eating some cold tofu cubes in a Chinese restaurant the other day, I became enraged. Just livid. In fact, I demanded to see the manager, and when he appeared, I tore into him, "Where the fuck is the employment diversity in this restaurant? I'll bet everyone working here is Chinese!"

The manager pretended to be puzzled, and responded that, yes, this is a "Chinese restaurant".

A Chinese restaurant?

"Well," I continued, "Would you care to see a white-male restaurant across the street? A heterosexual restaurant? A Nazi restaurant? Do you realize that your so-called 'Chinese restaurant' is in violation of Civil Rights laws?"

And with that, I shouted, "You are under citizen’s arrest, my friend, for violating the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and any number of local anti-discrimination and hate-speech ordinances. I'll need to see some valid ID like a Medicaid card or a Section 8 Voucher. And don't even think of showing me a drivers license or any other symbol of environmental pillage."

And then, for some reason, the police appeared. Pigs! I haven't had a run-in with the pigs since everyone used to call them pigs -- at least when they weren't calling them "fuzz". But enough nostalgia, it was now The People against The Capitalist State. And I, The People, was not about to be defeated. Subterfuge was my only course of action: "Officer! Come quickly! I just concluded a citizen’s arrest against this hateful bigot who only hires Chinese people!"

The pig had a shallow expression that revealed a limited intelligence and violent nature. This was a mindless soldier of the ruling class; a robot whose only goal was to betray his working-class roots in service to the oppressors who will eventually destroy him too. Incapable of thought, incapable of reason, and certainly incapable of the advanced analytic thinking that only a seasoned academic can perform, this uniformed caveman could only utter the simplest of thoughts: "Aren't you the guy who was screaming in front the hospice last week about how they were discriminating against people who weren't dying?"

I was fast. "Yes, that was me, and that was also my class-action suit. On behalf of The People, I demanded free lodging at the hospice and they denied it on the bigoted assumption that I was not dying."

And then, I suddenly felt very alone, for I was without my attorneys. I turned to everyone and announced that I would now leave the restaurant, for I, judge, jury, prosecutor, police officer (!), peace officer, corrections officer, and above all, a triple PhD whose morality has no limits, decided that these racists and monsters should be pitied and released until I find better representation. I placed some tofu cubes in my rear pockets and left -- knowing that the world was just a little better off that night because of me.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

False Dilemmas II: Urinals vs. Unions

On more than one occasion, ignorant students will ask me to reconcile resource conservation and job preservation. Typically, the question is along the lines of, "Dr. Kurgman, if we conserve and recycle, then what will happen to all those union jobs that used to manufacture these items?"

Yes, yes, the naive pupil can be quite concerned about such matters, as they are drawn to the ideals of resource conservation (and even better, resource non-use), and also good, high-paying jobs for the working class.

Here's a recent illustration of how this is done. In Philadelphia, Liberty Property Trust is building the LEED-designated Comcast Center with waterless urinals. (LEED, incidentally, is an acronym for "leadership in energy and environmentally designed".) Now, this is terrific, because no water means no water waste. Ideally, we would all be urinating on the soil, as that would require even fewer resources -- but still, the concept of waterless urinals is worthy, and should be extended to toilets, showers, and drinking fountains. (Or, at least we should recycle the waterless-urinal waste into the showers and drinking fountains.)

Anyhow, the plumbers union (justifiably!) objected. They pointed out that since these urinals require no pipes, they would not have work! What to do? Cooperative community committee consensus!

Solution: Install the pipes anyway!

A Liberty spokeswoman said it was "always our intent" to run the pipes.

I'll bet! I think it is obvious that the racist-pig ruling class was ready to go ahead without any pipes at all until the union led the way to social and economic justice.

In the end, we all win. Waterless urinals and good union jobs.

In class, we will explore methods to reinstate union telephone operators, union bank tellers, and union elevator operators.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

The Cruelty of Starbucks Makes Me Weep

This is a scene that made me weep.

With my own eyes, I witnessed a homeless person who spent the night camped outside a heartless Starbucks. The cruel irony made me ponder: Of all places, this poor person just happened to collapse in front of a poisoned tentacle of this oppressive capitalist outpost of cruelty and deceit.

I looked and I wept.

And I cried. And I wailed, I bawled, I yelped, and I screamed in anguish at the injustice at the sight of sidewalk starvation next to elitist gluttony. Why must this be? Why is Starbucks permitted to do this? What can we do, as a society and as a community, to remedy this?

And why was this done to me?

Do I not have the right to live in a just world where all is equal? Do I not have the right to exist in a metabioenvironment where riches are channeled to those who deserve them? Why have I been destined to live amongst such cruelty and deprivation? Why was I selected to rescue the unfortunates among us?

The weight of the world is indeed a difficult burden for me to bear, but bear it I must -- regardless of my own personal suffering. The plight of the vulnerable is my mission, and my activism is their only chance. The people, the poor people, they do not have the ability to look after themselves, and so I am their voice. True, mine is a lonely voice, but it is a profound voice. And by mustering up all the indignity inside of me, it is a loud and effective voice.

And so, I stood at that corner and screamed. I screamed at the passersby who did not take this homeless person into their arms and nurture her. "FOR SHAME!" I reprimanded each of these callous pigs as they thoughtlessly ignored this womyn of dignity. I took a stance with the most intimidating white stuffed-shirts: "DO SOMETHING TO HELP THIS HOMELESS PERSON INSTEAD OF BEING A CAPITALIST PARASITE ON SOCIETY!" I screeched at the top of my tired lungs, "IS IT ONLY I WHO FEELS FOR OTHERS? IS IT ONLY I THAT SEES THE CRUELTY OF OTHERS? IS IT ONLY I WHO HEARS THE CRIES FOR HELP?"

And do you know what happened? Nothing. No one took in the homeless womyn. No one smashed the window of Starbucks as a metaphor for smashing global capitalism. No one gave a shit.

All of which proved, again, that society has two victims:

1) The poor, the homeless, the physically challenged, the People of Color, the transgendered, the honest, the caring, the socialists, and all others who are routinely cast aside to the absorb the punishment of uncaring capitalism, and

2) Me.

My struggle for the day was complete. I looked at the homeless womyn, and wept. I recognized that, other than myself, few people can give a voice to the unfortunate. I quietly thanked the homeless womyn for her resistance to societal genocide, and somberly walked to the bus stop.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Weekend Retreat & North Korean Recipe

I will be joining the Sociology Department on their annual retreat this weekend, where we will be spending our time in thought -- contemplating what was, what is, and how we will change it. The betterment of society is our goal, and we, as a community, will contemplate the possibilities of activist social justice to battle the inequities imposed on us by the class enemies.

Now, silence.

I will again share my thoughts by the middle of next week.

Now, silence.

One more thing, though. Did you know that most (North) Koreans have modest diets? This is because their land is not arable (unlike the lush acres of fertile farmland that naturally occur in South Korea, Singapore, Iceland, and The Zionist Entity). And did you know that they are mostly vegans? It’s because their ethos of social justice do not permit the ingestion of meat products, eggs, milk, leather, and wool!

And so, I will pass along a Korean recipe that looks oh-so-tempting. You can be sure I’ll be requiring my pupils to try it! Try it yourself, and let me know what you think.

I’ll make myself a batch when I’m not so swamped with work.

Now, silence.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

We Need Government Supermarkets

As some of you might know, I've been having my share of issues with the fascists who operate my food co-op. Granted, the food co-op is still far better than the robber-baron corporatists who run conventional supermarket chains -- but still, there must be a better way.

And then, I had one of my many inspirations: Public supermarkets, operated just like public schools. That is, if our system of operating public education is optimal, then so should a public-supermarket system be optimal. Think about it: Education is paramount, so it therefore must be public. But food is also very important! So, by extension, supermarkets should also be public!

Here's how public supermarkets would work:

  • Just like public schools, the entire country will be divided into public-supermarket districts -- and people will be restricted to their local supermarket (except for minorities who will be bused into supermarkets in white areas.)
  • Since the stores will be funded entirely by real-estate taxes, all groceries will be free. These taxes will be a fixed amount per household, regardless of household size or how much they eat.
  • The size of the total tax levy (i.e., the supermarket budget) will be proposed by the district managers and put to a popular yes-or-no vote. (A tendency for the big families and big eaters to approve, and for everyone else to not bother voting, will ensure that supermarkets always have reasonable budgets.)
  • The stores will be staffed entirely by union employees with civil-service protections who will not be under the control of either managers or shoppers.
  • The grocery selections and rationing decisions will be determined by state and local food boards. In general, every person in each district will be entitled to identical quantities of the same products.
  • As a temporary measure for political expediency, some private supermarkets will be permitted, but they must pass state food-selection crtieria. And there will be no reduction in public-supermarket taxes for people who wish to shop in private supermarkets; i.e., they must pay twice -- public and private.

It's not even close to utopia, but it's a very sensible first step.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

My New Book

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Immigration Myths and Facts

Although it is axiomatic that immigration, and especially Latino immigration, is beneficial, I am distressed to see that most immigration advocates are using incorrect arguments to support their case. These are the immigration myths. The correct reasons for supporting immigration are the immigration facts. First, I will list the myths, and then I will list the facts.


1) Immigrants leave squalid countries to lead a better life in the United States. WRONG! If the immigrants weren't fed imperialist propaganda, they would realize that they are abandoning superior cultures for the depravity of Amerika. This self-defilement is a reason for them to stay home for their own good.

2) Immigrants mow lawns, pick fruit, and work in kitchens. WRONG! Immigrants enter into involuntary servitude at the behest of white moneybags fascists. And why does anyone need a lawn anyway? In a moral society, we would all live in communal apartments. And don't forget -- every job taken by an immigrant puts a union member out in the street to starve.

3) We're all descendants of immigrants. WRONG! Even if you ignore the millions who were dragged to the Amerikan Holocaust in chains, and even if you ignore the Native Peoples (who, as the Palestinians of Amerika, are the only legitimate owners of its land), even then, the rest of us were cursed to have ancestors who came here. I did not ask my ancestors to live in Amerika, and am enraged that they migrated here. Aside from polluting this beautiful land with white Europeans, our ancestors have condemned us to a death sentence under Cheney and his Hitler-puppet Bush.


1) The beautiful tongue of Spanish will replace the filthy linguistic legacy of the illegitimate English conquerors.

2) The rich culture of Latino communism will have an opportunity to flourish throughout the entirety of The Americas.

3) Related to (2), our labor movement will receive an infusion of young idealistic militants who will work to smash the racist profiteering ruling-class scum.

4) Our affirmative-action programs will be so happily busy, redistributing the white people's "opportunities" to the deserving Hispanic community.

5) Our society will become more democratic as the white, the pampered, and the rich will be exposed to:

  • People urinating on their lawns,
  • Drunkards picking fights with them,
  • Their spoiled daughters being harassed, molested, and raped,
  • Their children being exposed to a new educational culture, such as being regularly beaten in school,
  • Immigrants taking their unearned cars, cash, jewelry, and anything else not permanently affixed to the floor
  • Cockroaches, rats, odors of rotting meat and stale alcohol, loud brawls, prostitutes, deafening Latino music, domestic violence, increased police budgets (and higher taxes!), and so much more to equalize and democratize.

In order to fully change our society (a revolution!), we will need immigrants coming over by the millions. As they are now! The unstoppable flood from the south will bring us to victory! Welcome, Latinos!

Now, if we could only do likewise with Islamic immigration...

Monday, April 03, 2006

Abortion Q&A

Students and alumni frequently approach me for personal guidance, and in particular on the matter of abortion. Here are some questions, and my corresponding advice:

Q: Professor Kurgman, I am under one week away from giving birth, and I just read your comments on Voluntary Human Extinction. Now I want to help depopulate The Earth. Should I get an abortion?

A: Yes, and immediately, before you place a burden on our health-care infrastructure that is already being overtaxed by Wal-Mart! (Your non-birth will, in fact, be one less person for Wal-Mart to exploit.) And if you have any friends in a similar situation, please encourage them to do likewise.

Q: Professor Kurgman, I gave birth one month ago to a baby who is, like, ugly? Help me!

A: You must get a fourth-trimester abortion. Luckily for you, this is strongly encouraged in the Roe vs. Wade section of the Amerikan Constitution. Remember, it's your body!

Q: Professor Kurgman, my partner is pregnant, and all the associated aggravation is exacerbating my migraine headaches. But when I went to the pharmacy to purchase codeine, they told me that I needed a doctor's prescription. But if abortions are none of the government's business, then why are drugs? I even gave the pharmicist a lecture on "they're our bodies, so fuck off" -- but he still insisted on my obtaining a doctor's approval. What gives?

A: My answer is three-fold. 1) I am a doctor; you mean to say that you need a physician's approval. 2) It is morally reprehensible to do anything without explicit expert approval; your behavior is no better than that exhibited by parents who send their children to private schools. 3) You partner should get an abortion.

Q: Professor Kurgman, I think that all corporate executives should be aborted. But how do I reconcile that with my views against capital punishment?

A: Capital punishment refers to the illegitimate-state murders of revolutionaries like Tookie, Mumia, and Zac; it therefore must be resisted. Since corporate executives aren't human, they can be aborted without capital punishment concerns. Incidentally, if you are pregnant, you should get an abortion too.

Q: Professor Kurgman, I enjoy getting abortions. In fact, I regularly get pregnant for the sole purpose of enjoying the sensations of frequent abortions. But my problem is that abortions are expensive! How can I raise money to pay for this hobby?

A: Have you tried suing your local church? Have you tried public assistance? Any decent physician will accept food stamps -- and food stamps are your right! For that matter, most physicians will cooperate when they are screamed at. Try some screaming about how it's your body -- and how it's the physician's obligation to treat you for free. You will find your moral authority increasing in proportion to your volume. In order to make a scene, just start to scream!

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Jill Carroll, The New York Times, and Our Militant Islamist Friends

Do you remember Jill Carroll? We last mentioned her two months ago, upon her being kidnapped in Iraq. And if you recall, her kidnapping was not broadcast on television because it was too disturbing.

And although Ms. Carroll was released two days ago, my interest here is not in her, but instead is in the honest and objective coverage of her story in The New York Times.

As you know, I get all of my daily news from The Times because of their integrity and unbiased reporting. Which is why I was pleased to see that instead of joining in the mass right-wing Islamophobic hysteria, The Times saw fit to state things as they are:

Through her captivity, Ms. Carroll struck a chord in the Arab world as well as in the West, perhaps in part because of her passionate attachment to Iraq and its people. Conservative Islamist politicians in Iraq issued emotional pleas for her release, as did some of the most militant anti-American groups in the Middle East, like Hamas and the Muslim Brotherhood.

From that one paragraph alone, we learn that:

A) “Islamists” are “conservative”, and respond to emotional pleas.

B) Hamas and Islamic Jihad also respond to emotional pleas.

C) These groups’ goals and tactics are best summarized by the word “militant”.

D) Their only political position worth mentioning is that they are Anti-American.

E) If you display a passionate attachment towards a People of Color, you will gain the respect of everyone – conservatives and militants.

And from the above, we see why the morals of The Times are my morals:

A) Emotion is superior to so-called “reasoned” arguments.

B) Being anti-American is consistent with being compassionate towards others.

C) Islamists, Hamas, and The Muslim Brotherhood are our friends.

D) Zionism is the cause of every problem; it is a curse on humankind.

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