Professor Kurgman, PhD., PhD., PhD.

Total Justice

2009-02-28T17:32:00.000-08:00

An interesting point from the comments:

Are you really suggesting that redistribution will end after the same wealth number is achieved? Then what about the oppressed - the womyn, sun people, transgendered and the like?

"Will redistribution end after the same wealth number is achieved?" happens to be a final exam essay question in my graduate economics class.

Therefore, I cannot give away the entire answer -- but clearly, justice encompasses more than just the economic realm. Certainly, a neocultural paradigm that is contextualized into a presemanticist discourse cannot but be a subtextual post-semiotic stasis.

Is it an illusion? Or is it self-mythopotic?

I fear so, as the whole of injustice can be substruded beyond a mere materialistic perspectual dyneriacticalacticysm.

The cowardice of not sending Attorney General Holder the reparations check that he so merits is but one example of social injustices that are diotronomically and invertudinally so repugnant such that our own President Barack Hussein Obama must also mensaphize and abormalate the vast injustices that have been heaped upon his self, his family, and his people.

The hyponeutorical excess of historical injustices will diminsh only in the presence of post-recordance and midistantual aphorximiatic vectors.

Our Obligation To Help The Vulnerable

2009-02-26T14:41:00.000-08:00

Some of my more malicious students ask impertinent and libelous questions such as: "To what extent are we responsible for assisting the poor and the vulnerable?"

Well...aside from removing any possibility of getting a passing grade, such questions also require legal action that holds these "students" (traitors, really) personally liable for damages. And, yes, this is a remarkably stupid question, completely beneath my stature to answer, and an incredibly inefficient use of my massive brain power.

That said.

Let's start with a state of nature, where wealth can be measured on a scale. Let's say that the poorest person is a "0" and the richest person is a "10". We, as a society, as a community, and as a nation, collectively decide to follow the advice of our moral leaders who decide that no person shall have a wealth beneath a "3".

At that point, people from "3" to "10" are asked to voluntarily contribute money to the impoverished "0" to "2" crowd in order to avoid imprisonment. And we use democratic principles to ensure that most people do not pay this tax; preferably, only the "8" through "10" people will pay it. And with any luck, these richest people (formerly "8" to "10") will become "7" people, as no one has the right to be rich in the presence of so much human suffering.

Now, after this transfer, our improved society has a wealth distribution of "3" to "7" instead of the original "0" to "10".

Do you know anything about scales? Probably not. So pay attention: The "3" people are rescaled to "0" because they are the poorest, and the "7" people are rescaled to "10" because they are the richest. That brings us back to an unjust "0" to "10" society.

And because injustice requires justice, and since we as a society, a community, and a nation have already declared that "0" to "2" is unacceptable (to say nothing of the unequal distribution of wealth), we repeat the process to eliminate poverty -- and spread the wealth -- once again. And, again, it is done in a democratic fashion, since the majority of people, "0" through "7", will either get a well-deserved government check in the mail, or are unaffected.

Rescale the old "3-to-7" to the new "0-to-10".

Redistribute.

Repeat.

Does a "0" still look different from a "10"?

Repeat.

In the end, we will achieve social and economic justice when everyone has the same "wealth number".

You Are OWED A Bailout: Credit Card "Debt"

2009-02-20T13:34:00.000-08:00

Now that people are being tossed a lifeline to prevent being evicted from their homes for the "crime" of not paying their "mortgage", it is time to extend this principle to other sectors of our economy.

Therefore, the next group of people who require bailouts are those with credit card "debt".

Say you purchased several thousand dollars worth of solar panels for your house with a Visa card, and then realized that you were not able to, in capitalist-speak, "repay" the loan. Now, whose fault is that? Not yours! After all, this transaction could not have happened without banks. And so, the only conclusion that can be drawn is that the bankers must be dragged into the streets to receive some People's Justice, and that you deserve a bailout.

Did you know that African-Americans and Latinos (and Latinas) are the most common victims of credit card aggression? That's right, this is 21st Century slavery. How about some compassion? Isn't that what your "god", Jesus KKKrist told you to do? Instead, it's just continuous racist slaps in their faces.

Well, I think it's time for Amerikkkan cowards to have that serious and frank discussion about race. And I don't care if I fall as long as someone else picks up my gun and keeps on shooting. Bastards.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you have to "pay" for what belongs to the people. And, never forget, everything belongs to the people. You are owed everything, and retribution is required for anyone who suggests otherwise.

Fuck capitalism!

Democracy

2009-02-19T19:21:00.001-08:00

While pondering whether the economic stimulus is actually a good thing (it will inevitably create massive wealth, but wealth is what we must avoid to remain pure), I was also thinking about how we must cherish democracy.

Democracy = The People Speak!

Democracy is what enables the masses of working people to resist the onslaught of the landlords by establishing rent control.

Democracy is what enables the many to vote for low taxes so that the few rich can pay progressive taxes.

Democracy has allowed science to be determined by popularity -- as it ought to be. Fear global warming. Embrace recycling. Or be punished, minority!

Democracy has given us a Democratic Congress and our nation's first genuine President, Barack Hussein Obama.

Democracy will someday free billions of people from world domination of Zionists!

Through democratic institutions such as UNESCO, the people will be freed!

We have the numerical advantage, fascists. We can and will outvote you on our way to destroying you.

Death to Amerikkka!

Solidarity!

Democracy!

Luckily, You Have Me

2009-02-15T16:23:00.000-08:00

One of my innumerable great frustrations is that my advice to others is not enforceable by law. (At least, not yet.)

When I approach others and tell them what is good for them, they will sometimes listen to me -- but they will also (to their detriment) not follow my advice.

For example:

- When I see two people pass each other on the street, I will frequently demand that the richer one (in my infallible estimation) give a large sum of money to the poorer person. (And to do it in good faith.)

- When I see a healthy person near a physically challenged person, I will tell the healthy person to express compassion by willingly pouring acid in their own eyes, or breaking some their own toes, or perhaps igniting themselves on fire.

In fact, whenever I see someone not doing something that I myself would do, I must correct it. Why? Because I know more than they do, and clearly have the academic credentials to prove it.

It is therefore mathematically indisputable that the adoption of my demands works to the betterment of society. And from that, the only ironclad conclusion is that my word must be enforced by law; i.e., the people and their army.

Regrettably, this is not the case.

Except in my classroom. Don't expect to pass economics class if you haven't shown concern about our environment by ingesting the decayed juice at the bottom of the dumpster.

And except in Congress. Finally, the rule of experts is The Law.

Peanut Butter Dilemma

2009-02-12T18:45:00.000-08:00

Well, what is this all about?

Dead rodents, excrement in peanut butter plant lead to recall

(CNN) -- The Texas Department of State Health Services on Thursday ordered the recall of all products ever shipped from the Peanut Corporation of America's plant in Plainview, Texas, after discovering dead rodents, rodent excrement and bird feathers in the plant.

How can peanut butter be considered "vegetarian" if there are rodent parts in it? You see, this is what raw unfettered dog-eat-dog survival-of-the-fittest capitalism is all about. It's about profits over people. (I just invented that phrase, incidentally.) It's about exploitation. And it's about what I did with my jar of contaminated peanut butter.

Last night, I curled up in front of the food co-op so I could be the first one in this morning. In fact, as it was my "turn" to be exploited in the store's dumpster duty, I was especially livid. And I of course had my peanut butter jar with me, contaminated with rodent parts. (I did however eat the rodent excrement, as that is part of Nature's Cycle of Sustainability. As opposed to, say, the Zionist Cycle of Violence, where the Zionists cycle through ammunition on starving Palestinian babies.)

Furthermore, I needed to relieve myself overnight, so I deposited my precious so-called "waste" in the peanut butter jar.

So I burst into the store, smashed the jar open on the community bulletin board, and removed the evidence (with glass shards) with my soft, delicate, and knowing hands.

I then looked up at the ceiling, and let out a shriek of despair while rubbing the peanut butter, excrement (rodent and mine), and blood all over my face and beard.

Still shrieking, I approached the manager and spat in his murderous capitalist face: "Do you see this peanut butter? Do you see this blood? Do you see my face? This is the look of RESISTANCE! Do you understand me?"

Before he could offer me reparations, I collapsed from the intensity of the battle.

I awoke later, gently resting on a park bench, with the entire contents of my intestinal tract delightfully absorbed in my recycled clothing. I walked to the laundromat, undressed, and placed my clothing on a folding table. After wringing my vital juices out of them and into a cup for later consumption, I placed my pants into a machine, during someone else's mid-cycle (to save energy), and fell asleep, dreaming of being very close to our new President.

Back To Work!

2009-02-11T15:41:00.000-08:00

The first post-racial Five-Year Plan has been implemented: The people have jobs again!

[Pelosi's] spokesman, Brendan Daly, said more than two hours after Reid's announcement, "We are moving forward with this legislation, which will create or save more than 3 million jobs."
Obama estimated 3.5 million in his own celebration of the agreement. He said it would "get our economy back on track."

And, under the best economic advisement, the bill will include one of the best incentives to get people to work:

"The emerging legislation is at the core of Obama's economic recovery program, and includes help for victims of the recession in the form of expanded unemployment benefits, food stamps, health coverage and more..."

The next Five-Year Plan, which needs to overlap with this Five-Year Plan, needs to put even more people to work. And so, I recommend the following IMMEDIATELY, as we are now locked in a crisis never before seen in the history of the cosmos:

- The return of the seven-day work week.

- Unemployment benefits at union scale, to encourage people to work those seven-day weeks.

- A comprehensive system of free everything for everyone forever (except for the ruling class which The Revolution will continue to address).

- 100% taxation.

- Billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions of dollars for education, so that parents can work continuously while we nourish the minds of our nation's children so that they will not grow into greedy war-mongering capitalists.

Yes we can!

Yes we did!

Very Large Numbers

2009-02-10T15:33:00.000-08:00

Most people have difficulty comprehending large numbers. Which is why most people are not suited for careers in academia! And so, they turn to gifted mathematicians/economists/sociologists such as myself for an explanation.

Let's look at an article from today's news to help us (i.e., "you") grasp large numbers.

The Obama administration is promising an aggressive effort to combat the worst financial crisis in seven decades, unveiling a program that could mobilize well over $1 trillion in public and private support to get the frozen credit markets functioning again.

There are two numbers here: "Seven" and "$1 trillion".

Let's examine "seven". Or, actually, "seven decades". That's seven times ten years, or seventy years. That's a lot of time! And though there have been many financial crises in those seventy years, none...none...have been as awful as what we are facing today.

Now let's look at the other number: "$1 trillion". Well, it's hard to think of many numbers smaller than "1"! So, we can address a monumental problem of seventy years by requesting that the obscenely rich return "1" of their stolen money.

You probably feel smarter already.

The new plan would greatly expand an effort to unclog credit markets that provide loans to consumers and businesses. Funding for this effort would see a huge increase from $20 billion up to $100 billion, according to administration officials.

Now we are introduced to two new numbers: "$20 billion" and "$100 billion". What do these numbers have in common? I will tell you: The have "unit commonality". Those are big words! So I'll just put on my "every person" hat to help you understand. Both numbers contain the word "billion". So, basically, they are identical (notwithstanding the fallacious "huge increase" editorializing by the Zionist author of the article -- who will be punished under the 2009 Equal Time Law).

If a total of $100 billion from the bailout fund was used, it would be enough to support an additional $1 trillion in lending support through a Federal Reserve program that was announced in November but has yet to begin operations.

Uh-oh, now we're confronted with "mixed-unit reconciliation". Fortunately, the "100" is much larger than the "1", so in essence, we are "doing more with less". And...I used the phrase "in essence", which is a powerful connotation of my intellectual firepower.

The administration also announced a program to create a partnership between the government and the private sector to get private investors to buy bad assets that are currently weighing down the balance sheets of banks. Congressional aides who were briefed on this plan said that Treasury officials said it could involve between $250 billion and $500 billion in government support.

Thankfully, we're now in the safe waters of unit commonality again, so the numbers can be safely disregarded.

Incidentally, it is clearly excellent public policy to "get private investors to buy bad assets", especially with public money, which as we just learned, is of no mathematical consequence.

I Didn't Realize There Were So Many Economists In Europe

2009-02-10T15:24:00.000-08:00

Survey: 31% of Europeans blame economic crisis on Jews

An Anti-Defamation League report published on Tuesday showed that nearly half of the Europeans surveyed believe Jews are not loyal to their country and more than one-third believe they have "too much power" in business and finance.

The study further showed that 31% of the respondents across Europe blame Jews in the financial industry for the current global economic crisis.

I have already launched a lawsuit against economics textbook publishers that conveniently omit these facts.

Twelve Reasons Why You Should Support President Obama's Economic Stimulus

2009-02-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

1. It's a free lunch. Has any supporter of this bill discussed its costs? No. Therefore, there are no costs. All gain, no pain.

2. It increases the federal deficit. I cried and wailed when Mister Bush increased the deficit -- but now, I embrace it as a foundation of forward-looking economic progress.

3. It spreads the wealth. I am especially fond of tax credits that shift money from those who "earned" it to those who deserve it.

4. Demand up, prices DOWN. Any Nobel-prize winning economist can tell you that when demand is stimulated and people buy more and more things, then prices drop. When demand goes up, prices some down. Less is more!

5. It is an EMERGENCY. The emaciated corpses are rotting in the open sewers and the streets are running with blood. How much more suffering can we endure? This bill must be passed yesterday.

6. Experts always know what is best. Speaking as an expert myself, I of course know what is best for others. But of what use is this knowledge unless it is converted to action and enforced by law? And that is why the entire "spending sector" needs to be controlled by government.

7. It's green. Our toxic environment has shortened our lifespans to an all-time low. Global warming has already claimed millions of lives and has eradicated the diversity of life on this planet. This is why we need, now, without debate, thousands of new hybrid-electric government vehicles and comprehensive reconstruction of every government office building. Millions of homeowners everywhere are now demolishing their own homes and replacing them with new structures incorporating windmills and ocean energy -- so let's allow them to pay taxes for the government to do the same!

8. It is a bipartisan initiative. Or, at least it will be after we educate the Nazi GOP go along to get along.

9. Did someone say "Digital TV Coupons"?

10. It is post-racial. This is a bill devised by our newly-elected post-racial African-American leader, teacher, and mass mentor, President (and Ph.D?) Barack Hussein Obama. Opposition to the bill is therefore racist, and diminishes the stature of President Obama to the typical white person's caricature (and desire) of tossing slaves into gas chambers, just like the Zionists imaginary false claims about themselves. Free Gaza!

11. More government workers, more government contractors, more government projects. Is there anything more stimulating than millions of government workers at the beck and call of the citizenry? Well, perhaps only this...

12. It enhances my late-night Presidential fantasizing. Just ask this lady (and especially her commenters). I too have an insatiable appetite for Obama...and the Obama family!

Musings on Other Cultures XVII: Obama Sheep Sacrifice

2008-11-09T15:04:00.000-08:00

To commemorate President Obama's victory:

Forty-four sheep die for Obama: To celebrate Barack Obama's election as the 44th president of the United States, Kurdish villagers in Cavustepe, Turkey, slaughtered 44 sheep. Then they wiped sheep blood over their Obama posters to protect the president-elect from bad luck."

You are probably wondering how this square's with PETA's Mission Statement:

"PETA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time: on factory farms, in laboratories, in the clothing trade, and in the entertainment industry."

Perfectly compatible! Clearly, this slaughtering removes 44 sheep from facing a cruel death in factory farms, torture laboratories, clothing factories, and for "entertainment".

In fact, such political speech and religious expression is a human right, guaranteed the world over.

Fortunately, the Christianists were unable to stop this event.

However, I fear for what the Zionist settlers will do to these villagers as they inevitably metastasize across the entire Middle East and into Turkey. They will be the first to perish in the genocide.

National Service: An Open Letter to President Obama

2008-11-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

Comrade Obama!

Professor Obama Kurgman PhD^3 here.

And I would like to speak with you about your call to national service, as detailed on your official site:

President-Elect Obama will expand national service programs like AmeriCorps and Peace Corps and will create a new Classroom Corps to help teachers in underserved schools, as well as a new Health Corps, Clean Energy Corps, and Veterans Corps. Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by developing a plan to require 50 hours of community service in middle school and high school and 100 hours of community service in college every year. Obama will encourage retiring Americans to serve by improving programs available for individuals over age 55, while at the same time promoting youth programs such as Youth Build and Head Start.

I wept tears of joy at your wondrous plan to conscript people of all ages into community service!

May I suggest some excellent community programs for your consideration?

First off, I see that it is two days into your presidency, and the Zionist Entity has not yet been obliterated. What are we waiting for? Another Jenin Holocaust?

Here's a picture of what true community service looks like:

Now, imagine a ring of Community Service Volunteers protecting every Palestinian Community from the onslaught of vicious Zionist tanks. I'll bet we could conscript plenty of Volunteers from those fascist "Israel" Day Parades to lay down in front of the tanks.

For that matter, we also must send Community Volunteers to Iraq to stand down the remnants of the Amerikkkan Army. Picture Amerikkkan troops, poised to murder our Islamic brethren, and then...being intercepted by Conscripted Community Volunteers! It's Amerikkka vs. America!

I have already told my students that in order to pass, they will need to Volunteer for one of these details. In a separate message to you, I'll forward their addresses, Social Security numbers, and medical/credit histories. And I'll further indicate which ones might be from families that have not displayed sufficient respect for you during your campaign battle against fascism.

I say to my students: Turn in an enemy family, even if it is your own, and you will get a very good grade.

I also recommend that the Community Volunteers be taken from wasteful Nazi programs, like math, science, and engineering. Those are not subjects of the heart, and therefore those students will not be missed. Community Volunteer Service, as determined by The Democratic Party, easily trumps anything they do in class. Or in their fascist jobs.

President Obama, the youth are our future. They must be separated from the poisonous environments of their so-called "families", and be introduced into the one true family. We will remake them by erasing the toxins from their brains and writing fresh pages on their blank slates.

Community Service...it's the highest from of dissent! And patriotism!

Thank you, and stay in touch,

Professor Obama Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

Professor Obama Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

2008-11-06T18:54:00.000-08:00

Knowing a good idea when I see one, I went to City Hall today to officially change my name to Professor Obama Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD.

Elated, I even detoured by the Marine recruiting station on my way home. As usual, I paused to display my exposed posterior to them -- though today I was also able to joyously sing that we won!

What a glorious feeling! We won!

I then took the liberty to projectile defecate on the recruitment station's front window. Listen to me, you murdering animals! We won!

Need more proof? Look at how President Obama already has a web site with a "gov" domain. He's not falling for any "wait until January 20th" Pinochet-style Republican trickery!

Still, it will take a long, long, long time to undo the Bush damage -- and especially his legacy of racism.

But at least I no longer need to move to Zimbabwe, as I was planning in the event of a McCain win.

And speaking of, I next went to the police station to find out when they will be arresting Sarah Palin for her crimes against humanity. The "officer" in charge then oinked in my direction, "Are you lodging a complaint?"

"Well, you bet I am! Isn't it your job to arrest enemies of The People?"

He then handed a form to me to fill out. I started entering my personal information...Professor Obama Kurgman...hey, wait a minute! This is a trap to send me to Guantanamo!

Frightened of what might happen to me, I accidentally (honest!) lost control of my bowels, which were transformed into reservoirs of a most liquidy byproduct of organic curdled Soy-Moo. Horrified at the thought of Bush himself attempting to capture me, I hurried out of the enemy camp, and ran home to my rent-controlled apartment.

I proceeded to defend myself by composing an academic paper on mythopoetical dialectic contstructs.

Bastards.

We won, but we must continue to fight.

The Nightmare is Over

2008-11-05T13:12:00.000-08:00

Our eight-year nightmare is over.

Never in history has there been a more cruel regime than what we have suffered through under the moron-sadist. No people have suffered more than we have. No one. Ever.

The Republican Holocaust is over, and we are the Holocaust Survivors.

Even now, it is nearly impossible to comprehend the enormity of the cruelty that has been inflicted on us: Torture, lies, and the complete destruction of our most basic human rights.

I say: Never again!

And so: Let The Revolution begin!

First: End the fascist propaganda machine! Remember: A government that is needed to do anything is a government that has the right to do everything.

Second: Allow our true friends to embrace change:

Russia to station missiles near Poland
In an assertive first annual address to the nation, [Medvedev] defended Russia's war with Georgia, appealed to nationalism and attacked Washington's "selfish" foreign policy and "economic blunders" which he said caused the global financial crisis.

Third: Oppressed people, unite!

American elections "a historic intifada named Barack Obama"

Praising in advance the benefits of victory Obama, Atwan said that "(...) the expected change in the USA will undoubtedly have its positive impact on us, Arabs and Muslims, who have suffered a Administration past eight years under the control of Zionists, with the hold-up of the Israeli lobby whose objective is to destroy the Arab world and Islam

It will take many years to undo The Holocaust; we must begin at once.

Hope!

Peanut Butter, Jelly, and Enemy Exterminations

2008-10-30T14:38:00.000-07:00

Before you vote, consider this story:

You and I live on a desert island. You produce peanut butter and I produce jelly. We both enjoy eating our products, but we would really enjoy eating peanut butter and jelly. So, to increase total happiness, I take some of your peanut butter, mix it with my jelly, and have therefore increased the total happiness of society. Your loss of peanut butter has been vastly mitigated by my enjoying peanut butter and jelly. Your wealth has been spread. This is simple mathematics.

Now we are joined by a third person. In order to ensure full employment on the island, I give the third person a uniform and a badge (and a percentage of your peanut butter) to take your peanut butter whenever I choose. Because I have the positive right to your peanut butter (due to increased societal happiness), neither my officer nor I need to ask for your permission -- nor in any way do we need be grateful for your contribution. It is our entitlement and it is your obligation.

We are now joined by a fourth person. I turn my jelly business over to him -- and to sustain the island, my officer collects peanut butter and jelly and brings it to me.

A fifth person arrives and develops a method of making more jelly in less time. However, this is very dangerous for three reasons: First, the island itself has a right to not have its resources exploited. Secondly, what would people on other islands think of us if we were to consume so much jelly? And most importantly, a second jelly producer would harm the ability of the existing jelly producer to a fair wage. And so, my officer approaches the second producer and explains that, in order to guarantee the safety of his jelly, he needs an island license to conduct his business. And since the newcomer cannot prove that his jelly will always be safe to eat, he is denied a license.

A sixth person arrives from another island with a barrel of jelly. My officer turns him back to sea with his jelly. The possibility of dumping this jelly on our island would harm our only jelly producer, and must not be permitted. While I welcome free trade, it must also be fair trade. And this is most definitely not fair.

Thirty-four people then wash ashore, increasing the island's population to forty. The island's food producers attempt to hire them in exchange for a cup of food per day. However, this is worker exploitation, and my sense of economic justice demands that each worker instead be paid three cups of food per day. The producers then have the audacity to hire only half of the new residents at this fair wage, leaving the other half unemployed. To address this issue, I (and my uniformed officer) impose an additional fair tax on the richest 5% of the island's population, which happen to be the greedy and exploitative peanut-butter and jelly "producers" who in fact do nothing but reap unearned windfall profits on the backs of working people.

Sixty more people show up, and now there are 100 inhabitants on the island. These sixty are very poor, ill, and have not eaten in weeks. So, in order to protect them, I order the unionization of the island's 17 employees, which results in a labor contract mandating payment of six cups of food per day, 45 paid holidays, strictly-enforced job definitions, a no-layoff clause, and a just arbitration process to settle any grievances that might arise.

And I raise the top tax rate to 75% in order to pay for my expanded People's Police, comprised of the latest wave of migration.

For inexplicable reasons, the capitalists then reduce production. They are, quite clearly, traitors. And having been exposed as Enemies of The Island, they are set off on a raft to reeducation facilities -- wherever such facilities might happen to be.

At this point, the people are quite upset. They want a solution. They realize that our half-measures have not sufficed. So, in order to satisfy the cries of the people, The Island nationalizes and assumes direct control of all production of peanut butter and jelly. Half of the island's population now joyously works, and the other half performs police services. In the peanut fields, they gleefully sing, "Let's boast to the world about this year's bumper peanut harvest!"

An election is held, and 100% of the people elect me President for Life of the new Democratic People's Island Republic.

The other islands are so impressed with our success that they cheer the arrival of the DPIR's People's Police to liberate them as well.

As the chains of oppression are broken on each island, the DPIRPP listens to the working class as they identify members of the exploitative class: They, and their families, are shown the only justice that is fitting for such parasites.

As proof of our success, there is never again any dissent, anywhere. All infections have been eradicated.

***

The above tale is a fiction of what can happen to several hundred people. It is not what I would personally want to see. Instead, I yearn for this to happen to millions, if not hundreds of millions, of people.

Imagine: Our entire planet, in unity, striving for this permanent and irreversible state of justice. The leaders shall guide with their wisdom, the workers shall endlessly toil for all, and our enemies -- millions and millions of enemies -- shall be silenced forever. And yes, I do mean silenced by death -- for total extermination is the only permanent silence.

To interfere with the will of the people is to label oneself as an enemy of humanity. And there can be no mercy for enemies of humanity.

Please remember this when deciding who to vote for.

Unfortunately, we lack a candidate who can be so candid with us. Instead, we must strive for second-best. Listen to them carefully, and see whose vernacular comes closest to mimicking the above story.

That is who you should want as your leader.

God DAMN Amerikkka!

Cross-posted at The People's Cube

President Obama and Negative Rights

2008-10-27T15:10:00.000-07:00

Barack Obama concisely sums it up:

It didn’t break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers in the Constitution, at least as its been interpreted and Warren Court interpreted in the same way, that generally the Constitution is a charter of negative liberties. Says what the states can’t do to you. Says what the Federal government can’t do to you, but doesn’t say what the Federal government or State government must do on your behalf, and that hasn’t shifted and one of the, I think, tragedies of the civil rights movement was, um, because the civil rights movement became so court focused I think there was a tendency to lose track of the political and community organizing and activities on the ground that are able to put together the actual coalition of powers through which you bring about redistributive change.

Exactly.

Imagine you are on a desert island with only one other person, and you are hungry. His negative right would constrain you from taking his food. But your positive right would compel him to give you his food.

Multiply that by millions and millions of people, and you can see how negative rights leads to exploitation of the worker, and how positive rights leads to the liberation of the worker.

And that is one of the biggest problems with Amerikkka's KKKonstitution. That is, the warped concept of "negative liberties" constrains the government. It says that the government has no right to help its people. That the people lack the positive right to demand what they need.

So, the new constitution must be reformulated with positive liberties. That is, the right of the people to get what they need. To demand food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, education, a media free of fascist thought, a world without Zionism, etc.

In short, a proper constitution would be an living and breathing orgy of emotional eruptions that would satisfy the peoples' cries for social and economic justice.

Remember: If something, anything, is demanded, then someone else ought to be compelled to provide it. It is your positive right that makes this happen.

God Damn Amerikkka! God Damn the Amerikkkan KKKonstitution!

Book Review: "Barack Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope"

2008-10-24T05:27:00.000-07:00

As usual, my busy schedule does not allow me the luxury of reading books. But I can nevertheless assure you that this is THE book that you want your child to read.

I don't recall anything notable about children's books about, say, John Kerry or Al Gore, but I can assure you that "Son of Promise, Child of Hope" is worth it!

The book is so penetrating, so compassionate, and so poetic that I am willing to accept that there might be a God who has been guiding Barack Obama along his monumental journey into our hearts. For even as the book acknowledges, God has in fact spoken with Barack. And as we know, if a child's book says it, then it must be true.

For his journey is our journey, one of overcoming oppression, overcoming racism, and overcoming the slave-chains of the corporate war-whore Zionists and their capitalist lackeys.

In a few weeks, all of us will be the happy subjects of God, as He reveals himself through the body of President Barack Obama. President today, President tomorrow, and hopefully President for Life. (No, not that kind of life, you murderous Christianists.)

God for Life.

I am ready to obey.

Teachers: Please please please persuade your school to spend its budget on several copies of this book for each child, so that he/she (or any combination of transgendered children) can have multiple copies for home, the playground, or wherever their National Service detail happens to be.

I have already filed a lawsuit with my university to replace its library with a new "Barack Obama Library" to contain nothing but this book.

Soon, the Hitler-Chimp will be replaced by God.

Obama Endorsements

2008-10-23T23:35:00.000-07:00

Don't take my word for electing President Obama; here is a partial list of other progressive people and nations that support the candidacy of Barack.

Starting with, of course, the one nearest to my heart, the Communist Party USA:

"If Obama’s candidacy represented nothing more than the spark for this profound initiative to unite the working class and defeat the pernicious influence of racism, it would be a transformative candidacy that would advance progressive politics for the long term."

And...

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea

"Pyongyang favors Obama because he has vowed to meet leaders of rogue states, such as the North Korean leader, without conditions if elected."

Columbian Liberation Group, FARC
"Obama will not support "Plan Colombia" nor will he sign the TLC (Colombian Free Trade agreement."
Fidel Castro:

"Obama without doubt is, from the social and human point, the most advanced candidate running for the U.S. presidency."

Hamas

“We like Mr. Obama, and we hope that he will win the elections."

Louis Farrakhan

"This young man is the hope of the entire world that America will change and be made better."

The Iranian Parliament

"We are leaning more in favor of Barack Obama because he is more flexible and rational."

Father Michael Pfleger

Libyan Leader Mu'ammar Al-Qadhafi

...and the heartwarming and inspirational Pastor Jeremiah Wright.

People! Ask yourselves: If Barack Obama is getting their support, how could his victory possibly be a bad thing?

Update:

Thank you, commenter Chimpeach, for pointing out even more endorsements:

Syrian President Bashar Assad

"...Syria wants Senator Obama to win the presidential election to help Syrian President Bashar Assad bring back prosperity to Syria..."

Marxist Thinker and Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega

Ortega said he has "faith in God and in the North American people, and above all in the youth, that the moment of great change in the U.S. will come and it will act differently, with justice and equality toward all nations"

Update II:

The New Black Panther Party

Update III:

Al-Qaeda

"O God, humiliate Bush and his party, O Lord of the Worlds, degrade and defy him," Abu Yahya al-Libi said at the end of sermon marking the Muslim feast of Eid al-Fitr, in a video posted on the Internet.

Update IV:

Now my brain is convulsing: The American Nazi Party

"We have a black man, who loves his own kind, belongs to a Black-Nationalist religion, is married to a black women--when usually negroes who have ‘made it’ immediately land a white spouse as a kind of prize--that’s the kind of negro that I can respect."

Thank you for the tip, Mr. Shlemazl...

Mugging Hoax

2008-10-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

Supposedly, a 20-year old McCain volunteer was beaten by a "6-foot 4-inch black man" who then carved the letter "B" on her face. The claim is that he saw her McCain bumper sticker and then attacked.

I call bullshit!

A) It is obvious that the injuries are fake and/or self-inflicted.

B) The accusation is racist.

C) Such an event is physically impossible. Warm Sun People do not attack Cold Ice People. (You can read more about Sun People and Ice People here.)

Need more evidence? Well, here you go: The forensics experts speak out!

I am FAR more frightened of Sarah Palin than any fictitious racist claim about "black men".

Besides, she had it coming.

God DAMN Amerikkka!

Reason To Vote For O-BA-MA!!

2008-10-23T06:12:00.000-07:00

Apparently, this video has been around for a few months, though I just happened to come across it.

It alone provides all the reasons you need for voting for Barack Obama.

And to think that all the while, my main source of inspiration was this:

Elasticity of Supply

2008-10-22T17:31:00.000-07:00

Did that subject line, "Elasticity of Supply", and the adjacent equation intimidate you?

It should have! Remember, you are reading the words of a hypereducated multiple-degreed full tenured professor. A person who can demolish any of your "lay" arguments (and your reputation!) with just an iota of my enormous reservoir of brainpower, expertise, and jargon.

So, I invite you to unquestioningly accept this lesson in "elasticity of supply" and use it to reinforce your decision to elect Barack Obama as President.

I will now explain how President Obama's plan to raise taxes is as sound as any law of physics.

Let's use Starbucks as an example of a capitalist entity that is swimming in profits on the backs of labor. Yes, the obvious moral solution is to shutter Starbucks and allow the people to drag the owners into the gutter for merciless beatings.

But we will save moral arguments for another time, and concentrate for now on science.

And the science, as President Obama knows, is to tax Starbucks to spread the wealth. So, let's say that a cup of coffee costs $5, and President Obama decrees (after legislation is passed in The People's Assembly) that a tax on this item should be $4.

What happens next?

A right-wing propagandist would say, "That would raise the price of a cup to $9. And since no one would pay $9 for coffee, Starbucks would go out of business, no one would get any coffee, and no taxes would be raised anyway."

If only!

If only it were that easy to kill Starbucks!

But even the fascist propaganda has a kernel of truth: "No taxes would be paid anyway."

But "no taxes" is the antithesis of a just nation.

Remember:

Nations are judged by how much the rich pay in taxes. (At least until The Revolution is complete.)

Here is what would really happen when a $4 tax is applied to a $5 cup of coffee: Simply put, the price will remain at $5 -- of which $4 will be returned to the people. And this is because of the elasticity of supply. In common language (for uneducated common people), the "elasticity of supply" refers to how much less (or more) of an item capitalists would be willing to sell if its price declined (or increased). That is, the change in supply divided by the change in price.

In this case, the "Before Obama" profit was $5, and the "After Obama" profit will be $1. So, we need to determine how many fewer cups of coffee Starbucks will be willing to sell if they only received $1 per cup instead of $5 per cup. And the answer is: There would be absolutely no change! How do we know this?

Because the supply elasticity is always zero!

Capitalists and their corporate marketing departments are insensitive to everything, and so will continue to force us to buy things we do not want.

Let's look at the mathematical proof:

A $5 tax is only one penny higher than a $4.99 tax. And does anyone really believe that a difference of one lousy penny would make any difference to anyone? Don't be stupid! Of course not!

And a $4.99 tax is equal to a $4.98 tax. How do we know this? Because we just proved that Starbucks executives will not change their policies based on a difference of just once cent.

Similarly, a $4.98 tax is equal to a $4.97 tax. A $4.97 tax is equal to a $4.96 tax. And continuing, we see that a one-cent tax is equal to no tax at all.

Therefore, a $5 tax has the same effect on supply as no tax at all. The elasticity of supply is zero, and Starbucks will not alter their behavior regardless of how much the taxes are.

So, tax levels have no relation whatsoever to corporate behavior, and President Obama would be justified in taxing the entire $5 of a $5 cup of coffee

Q.E.D.

Of course, that was just a sample exercise. In practice, this 100% taxation model should not be applied to Starbucks -- but should be applied to Starbucks, physicians, pharmaceutical companies, automobile manufacturers, home builders, etc., etc., etc.

After all, as Barack Obama Sr. pointed out, "there is nothing that can stop the government from taxing 100% of income."

For extra credit, think about the effects of a tax that exceeds 100%. That is, a $6 tax on a $5 purchase. Where would that money come from? Hint: They're called CAPITALists for a reason.

You can now go ahead and feel smart for having read my words, even if you lack the cognition to understand them.

Not a problem, though; you will always be taken care of when you leave the decisions to people who are smarter than you.

*****

This post is dedicated to the memory of my junior-year microeconomics professor, who in defending the minimum wage, correctly observed that "no supermarket will fire their baggers if their wages increase by a few cents." The present-day ubiquity of supermarket baggers is a testimony to this man's penetrating insights. Rest in peace, comrade; I will carry the torch for you.

A Children's Fable

2008-10-17T13:18:00.000-07:00

I think I will write a children's story book. And when I do, it will include this story:

Once upon a time, there was an ant and a grasshopper. The ant was a wealthy capitalist who owned a chain of "big box" stores, and spent all summer counting his money, while the grasshopper labored very hard making money for the ant.

In short, the ant exploited the grasshopper.

All summer long, the ant would smoke cigars, drink martinis, and see prostitutes. The grasshopper would simply work as a slave for the ant and turn over his meager pay to A.N.S.W.E.R., The Rachel Corrie Memorial Fund, and the Barack Obama campaign.

Then the winter came. It was a cold and dark winter, and the grasshopper had nothing to eat. The bitter temperatures were caused by global warming, as the ant-made pollutants created heat pockets that actually lowered temperatures.

The grasshopper was hungry, for he had no money left. And so, he approached the ant: "Ant, my dear dear ant, please find it in your heart to spare just a tiny morsel of food so that I and my family might survive to see one more day."

The ant thought about this humble request. After several days of contemplation, the ant went to the grasshopper's house and approached the grasshopper's family. And then, without any hesitation, the ant raped the grasshopper's daughter so violently that she would have preferred death instead. However, the ant realized what the consequences of his actions might be, and so went from abortion clinic to abortion clinic, tossing gasoline bombs, dismembering doctors, and raping nurses. All in the name of Jesus, he would say. It is what the bible told him to do.

And so, without abortions, the grasshopper population multiplied far beyond its scientifically-calculated sustainable optimality. And all these new grasshoppers were hungry.

By the spring, half the grasshopper population died from either starvation or from the ant's insistence on sending grasshoppers to far-off lands to launch wars against innocent Islamic grasshoppers.

However, that summer, the grasshopper got himself a different job -- at The United States Department of Housing and Urban Development. His job was "Assistant Deputy Analyst" in the HOPE program, which mandates that ants pay the mortgages of those home-owning grasshoppers who have more pressing needs than to pay fort heir own homes. The grasshopper's responsibilities included "being able to analyze and prepare official HOPE documents while demonstrating proficiency in equivalent tasks and programs". In practice, this required the demands of attending many meetings and learning how to use "email".

Much of the HOPE time was spent making contributions to United for Peace and Justice and The Nation of Islam from the grasshopper's desk.

And once again, hunger arrived in the winter.

And the grasshopper approached the ant: "Hey ant, I'm gettin' in your face this year, know what I'm sayin? You owe me, unnerstan'? I got demands and you better respec' them."

The ant returned to his guarded estate, and a few days later, received a visit from someone unfamiliar. It was a grasshopper, but one whom he had never before met.

This new grasshopper said, "Ant...I am here to collect your money, which I will then give to the other grasshoppers, and will keep some for myself. If you do not agree, I will, at gunpoint, drag you to a prison cell where you will be anally violated while your life rots away in isolation."

The new grasshopper had a badge. It said "I.R.S."

And the ant turned over his plundered wealth to the I.R.S. grasshopper.

Forevermore, for the rest of his life, the ant, with his bottomless pit of money, would give and give to the grasshoppers -- providing for their food, their health care, their housing, their homes, and everything else that the grasshoppers could ever want or need, as determined by their educated leaders.

Moral: Rich capitalist ants have an endless supply of wealth that was stolen from the working class. It can never be depleted and it will always be there for taking -- by any means. It is not theirs, it belongs to the people, and shall be controlled by the people's leaders.

Kids: Let's educate your parents, kill the capitalists, and live in a Socialist Paradise!

God DAMN Amerikkka!

Cross posted at The People's Cube

Presidential Debate III

2008-10-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

I was very proud of Barack Obama at last night's debate; he has been listening to me!

I played back this debate fourteen times already (with the McCain parts erased), and although I would like to post the entire transcript here, fourteen times over, I will only select the best of Barack:

And the financial rescue plan that Senator McCain and I supported is an important first step. And I pushed for some core principles: making sure that taxpayer can get their money back if they're putting money up.

Of course everyone will get their money back. That’s why they must contribute, whether or not they think it’s a good idea. If this was a bad idea, we would not make the taxpayers contribute.

Making sure that CEOs are not enriching themselves through this process.

Again, correct. When CEOs become rich, everyone else gets a smaller piece of the pie.

I want to end the tax breaks for companies that are shipping jobs overseas and provide a tax credit for every company that's creating a job right here in America.

This is only fair. Taxpayers need to pay more in order to ensure that Americans spend less time working in industries like aeronautics and pharmaceuticals -- and instead recover the jobs that are done abroad, like sewing buttons on clothing.

That's why we included in the financial package a proposal to get homeowners in a position where they can renegotiate their mortgages.

Trivial. Simply force people who are making mortgage payments to also make payments for those who are not making mortgage payments. They shall be sent two bills: One for their own homes, and one for the homes of those who cannot pay.

And 95 percent of working families, 95 percent of you out there, will get a tax cut.

And when we teach the remaining 5% what it is like to really pay taxes, it will have no effect whatsoever on prices that the remaining 95% pay.

And that requires us to make some important choices…

I weep with joy at lines like this. To see the best, the brightest, and the most concerned make important choices for the people!

Then Exxon Mobil, which made $12 billion, record profits, over the last several quarters, they can afford to pay a little more so that ordinary families who are hurting out there -- they're trying to figure out how they're going to afford food, how they're going to save for their kids' college education, they need a break.

That’s right, you selfish bastards at Exxon Mobil. How about ponying up a little more, like maybe a dime a week, to provide the starving people, the near-corpses lying in the gutter, the most basic sustenance so that you can whip some more work out of them.

But there is no doubt that we've been living beyond our means and we're going to have to make some adjustments.

Oh yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!! Wayyyy beyond our means! Notwithstanding the Exxon Mobil inflicted famine referenced above, the rest of us are driving cars (we need more buses, peeps!), eating too much fast food (nationalized food co-ops, my dream…), and using too much energy (you don’t have to actually cook potatoes, you know).

…if we're going to focus on lifting wages that have declined over the last eight years and create jobs here in America, then Democrats, independents and Republicans, we're going to have to be able to work together.

I believe that universal conscription into an anti-capitalist youth corps will create plenty of jobs when they burn the banks, put wrecking balls to Walmart, and trash rich people’s homes. Full employment will be achieved to fix everything so that we can destroy it again.

Bill Ayers is a professor of education in Chicago.

A professor and a friend of mine, I might add. Those qualifications should negate anything else about him, however fabricated.

ACORN is a community organization…

The evidence is in, not guilty!

…it is absolutely critical that we develop a high fuel efficient car that's built not in Japan and not in South Korea, but built here in the United States of America.

As aggressors against the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, I fully agree that Japan and South “Korea” should be punished, severely. And to accomplish this, we should draft Americans from whatever other jobs they’re working on – and put them to work (with rich people’s tax dollars) to build a non-polluting car in GM and Ford factories. No matter how much GM, Ford, and the AWU object to receiving tax dollars, this is an important move that must be done.

And when it comes to South Korea, we've got a trade agreement up right now, they are sending hundreds of thousands of South Korean cars into the United States. That's all good. We can only get 4,000 to 5,000 into South Korea. That is not free trade.

Thank you, Barack, for pointing that out. And don’t forget: Italy sends us hundreds of thousands of gallons of olive oil, but we can’t get any of our olive oil into Italy. That is not fair trade, either.

If you want to do the right thing with your employees and you want to provide them health insurance, we'll give you a 50 percent credit so that you will actually be able to afford it.

That’s half way to a 100% tax credit, which is on the path to a 100% government subsidy. Fact: When one group of taxpayers gives money to a second group taxpayers, then the second group can afford things (like healthcare) easier, and there is no effect on the first group – like the employees who paid the taxes to begin with. If you cannot understand that, then you truly are hopelessly uneducable.

All I want to do, if you've already got health care, is lower your costs.

Fact: Costs can always be lowered when a leader wills them to be lower.

And finally, this question:

The question is this: the U.S. spends more per capita than any other country on education. Yet, by every international measurement, in math and science competence, from kindergarten through the 12th grade, we trail most of the countries of the world. The implications of this are clearly obvious. Some even say it poses a threat to our national security. Do you feel that way and what do you intend to do about it?

And Barack’s answer:

…we are going to have to invest…

An investment! Clearly, spending more than any other country is not enough, and only an investment can remedy this.

…recruit a generation of new teachers…

More teachers! Quantity always equals quality, so more is more.

… an army of new teachers…

Armies of teachers! I hope the AFT does not object.

…give them higher pay…

Highest costs per capita in the world…pay them more! Wait…I’m in academia, so I need more, too! Pay me more! I am entitled to more!

… and I think it's important for us to make college affordable….

So true! So true! And here it comes…

And that's why I've proposed a $4,000 tuition credit, every student, every year, in exchange for some form of community service, whether it's military service, whether it's Peace Corps, whether it's working in a community.

Gaaaaaa!! Tuition credits! Community service! Conscription for the common good! I played that part back well over one hundred times. If the leader wills it, it shall be free!!!! Please, Barack! Let’s give every student $100,000 per semester to attend college! That will really drive tuition down.

.. If we do those things, then I believe that we can create a better school system.

And then we can do the same thing to everything else, from food to clothing to manufacturing to the arts to research to literature to the entire realm of anything and everything that anyone does anywhere, anytime, and anyplace.

I turn all decisions to you, my new leader -- for if you will it, it will happen.

God DAMN Amerikkka!

Obama Will Put An End To This, Too

2008-10-14T18:12:00.000-07:00

It is good to know that this will not be an issue under Barack...

"You Make It, We Take It"

2008-10-14T17:57:00.000-07:00

"You Make It, We Take It"

The above slogan (which I advise Barack Obama to use) is catchy, truthful, heartfelt, and compassionate.

Of course, I am referring to Barack's pledge to ask the top-income 5% to return their stolen wealth to the bottom 95% -- who we, as benevolent guardians, must care for.

This rests on the basic economic theory that a society's health is best determined by how much rich people pay in taxes. In academic circles, we jest that "taxing is relaxing". (The humor in that phrase is derived from the fact that "tax" rhymes with "relax". To be sure there is nothing funny about the concept. And there is absolutely nothing to laugh at in hard economic times like these.)

Here is how we are all better off when the rich people contribute their so-called "earnings" back to the community: Say you are a filthy blood-sucking moneybags pig, like an owner of Walmart. And you make your money selling...what does Walmart sell anyway? Weapons to Zionists? Probably. So, let's say that a poor person comes into Walmart looking for a way to disembowel Palestinian babies...

Wait, this will not work! Zionists are rich, and are therefore not compelled to shop at Walmart.

So, let's instead say that a person of color is coerced by capitalist exploitation to buy their tofu at Walmart. Normally, tofu costs $10 per pound. (At least, that is what I pay at the food coop.) So, Walmart probably charges $100 per pound. This, clearly, is obscene. So, we (that is, the government) will apply a tax on Walmart. Let's say the tax is $25. Ha ha! Fuck you Walmart, you now have to add a $25 tax to the $100 price, and charge $125 a pound! See? The price was $100, but under Barack, it will be $125. But $25 of that is a tax, so Walmart loses!

At that point, Walmart will be forced to contribute that $25 tax to Barack and our new government, whereupon it will be used to further the greater good by establishing a national-service youth corps, purchasing windmills from government contractors, and investing in insured no-interest housing mortgages.

Nothing can go wrong with this plan. Ever.

Meanwhile, 95% of the population is protected because they are not being taxed. The tax is applied to Walmart instead, and there is no possible way this can translate into a negative for people shopping at Walmart. In fact, hurting Walmart is just one of many benefits of this tax plan.

When the rich pay, everyone wins.

Win, win, win, win, win.

Cross posted at The People's Cube

Economic Stimulus: Not Enough

2008-10-13T14:26:00.000-07:00

The United States needs a new economic stimulus plan that pumps billions of dollars into infrastructure projects and budget relief for cash-strapped state and local governments, Democratic lawmakers said on Sunday.

This is why I, as a Capital "S" Socialist, support the Democratic party as the nearest substitute for a full-fledged people's utopia. The Democrats understand that the purpose of collecting billions of dollars of taxes is to provide "relief" for governments.

U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi last week said a $150 billion economic stimulus plan was needed to help counteract a faltering economy shaken by a paralyzed banking system and steep stock market falls.

Speaker Pelosi, as a scientific socialist, sure knows her science! As the educated among you know, the purpose of a "stimulus plan" is to unparalyze banks and increase stock prices -- as intermediate steps in the evolution of capitalism's inevitable demise.

Here's how it works: When people pay taxes instead of saving money in banks, the banks shrivel and die. Hence, death replaces paralysis. Furthermore, stock prices (which represent mass opinion of future profitability) would then increase for obvious reasons. You do not agree that the reasons are obvious? Then you are an uneducable Hitler-pig who burns crosses McCain rallies.

The Congress earlier this year passed a $152 billion stimulus package that provided tax rebates of up to $600 per adult to support consumer spending at a time of rising energy and food costs. Most of that money has already been spent, and many economists say financial turmoil will squeeze the economy into recession in the fourth quarter.

"Many economists, indeed!" Here, for example is a sharp analysis from one of my favorite economists:

"Not only is Wall Street frozen, but Main Street is in real trouble. A stimulus aimed at Main Street makes sense," New York Sen. Charles Schumer told CNN.

And he continues with a particularly apt gastrointestinal metaphor, which in fact reminds me of my last night's dinner:

He said the plan should "get into the guts of the economy" by boosting spending on infrastructure such as roads, sewer and water projects.

Of course. And I'm glad that Congress realizes that a mere $152,000,000,000 was not enough taxation to fix our economy. Many economists say that $700,000,000,000 would be better. And many of my professional colleagues say that $2,000,000,000,000 would be closer to the ideal. Of course, these well-intentioned academics and people's representatives are on the right path...but...but...if spending $152,000,000,000 or spending $700,000,000,000, or $2,000,000,000,000 is such a good idea (as it most definitely is), then why not simply take over the entire economy instead?

If public works projects are so helpful (as they absolutely are), then why not simply convert every human activity into a public works project?

Left to their own devices, people are far too inexperienced to manage anything as sophisticated as an economy. That's why experts are required to do the managing, the directing, and the thinking. It's for your own good.

Change.

Cross-posted at The People's Cube

How Wall Street got rich through GREED

2008-10-03T20:42:00.000-07:00

Everyone agrees that our financial crisis was caused by greed. Naturally, this is a correct assessment because it was formed by consensus.

But how, you ask, did greed make the Wall Street bankers so rich?

Simple. Greed drives businesses to sell things to customers who cannot afford to pay for them.

Let's look at an example:

Say you want to buy a house, and can only afford $100,000. A rich capitalist might discover this, and the following conversation would ensue:

You: I want to buy a $100,000 house because I can only afford to spend $100,000.

Capitalist: Nonsense, you can afford a $300,000 house, easily, and I can lend you enough money to make it happen.

You: There's no way I can afford a $300,000 house; I'll never have enough money to pay back that loan!

Capitalist: That's a swell haircut you have there.

You: Thank you! Of course I can afford a $300,000 house! Yes I can! Yes we can!

At this point, the capitalist lends you $300,000 -- knowing full well that the loan will never be paid off. You struggle to make payments, but you...just...can't. The greedy capitalist loaned you $300,000 and you only paid back $100,000! Need I elaborate further on how this has made capitalists rich? (And how this further oppresses the Palestinian people?)

It's my understanding that automobiles are sold the same way. Greedy auto salesmen often sell $30,000 cars to people who can only pay $10,000.

Fortunately, the government, which by its very definition cannot ever be greedy, is only asking for a mere $700,000,000,000 contribution to make us all investors in these loans.

I weep at the fairness of this.

God Damn George Bush; he created this mess.

God Damn the U.S. of KKK!

The Presidential Debate

2008-09-29T17:29:00.000-07:00

"Democracy is indispensable to socialism."

- Vladimir Lenin

As were most other viewers, I was sickened to watch John "W." McCain taunting Barack with racist slurs.

But in the long run, it will not matter. Barack held his own, and reminded the Amerikkkan voters that:

- They are suffering because of rich people

- They are suffering because of Bush

- They should not have to pay off their loans

- They are struggling, struggling, struggling

- They work hard with nothing to show for it; rich people do nothing except make money off of working people

- The government needs to be bigger

- Oil companies will be punished

- The financial crisis is a result of Bush's regulation-free Wild West "laissez faire" banking system

- Rich CEOs are to blame for all problems

- We should reduce trade with other nations. (I personally feel strongly about this, and would hope that President Obama will follow a Juche economic plan.)

- Everyone will get free health care

- We can't afford another eight years of what this country just went through; we need to return to October 2000.

- McCain wants to hand over $4,000,000,000 to the oil companies. Remember: A tax reduction is the same thing as a gift. (I also strongly agree with this. The government is entitled to everyone's money, and anything that the government does not collect is most certainly a gift.)

- Private insurance companies are now getting an annual $15,000,000,000 gift.

- Health care is bankrupting otherwise solvent citizens

- A few rich people are making everyone else poor

- We need new infrastructure, new roads to the most remote rural areas, and a new electrical "grid".

- We will get a "Google for Government" because the government is better at providing clear and useful information than Google itself.

- Money spent in Iraq should instead be spent on expanding social programs here

- Bush: An orgy of spending

- Iraq: We lost

- Sanctions: They work

- Tougher sanctions: They work even better

- Kissinger: He took my line, let's meet with Iran

- Energy: We need a strategy

- Drilling: Can't drill our way out of problems

- Solutions: Solar, wind and biodiesel

- Veterans Affairs: Give them more money

- Investments: What we need to do to education so that ordinary people can live out their dreams

- Me: Not ordinary

- Kenya: Land of my father

Well, good for Barack that he understands what the working people need to hear. With these sort of insightful policy prescriptions, I suspect that most people will be voting Democrat.

Put another way: If a responsive government can give the people everything they need from those who can most afford to pay for it, then it is almost axiomatic that the majority will vote with their heart.

And the majority is always right.

Solidarity, brothers and sisters.

We are getting much closer to the next stage of capitalism's death spiral.

Zero-Payment Housing: A Right

2008-09-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

Many people have been asking me, "Professor, I am not able to understand the present financial crisis. And though I am undoubtedly not bright enough to understand your explanation, I still need help. So, can you please explain it to me?"

This question is indeed burdensome, but I will reluctantly oblige.

In a nutshell, greedy capitalists are raping the working people and minorities. Again. And again. And over and over and over again. To the point where it is nearly surgically impossible to correct the damage.

Specifically, here is what happened:

Step #1: I, being a typical working person, am entitled to housing. But under our dictatorship of the dollar, I have to go to you, the blood-drinking Zionist banker, for a loan.

Step #2: In the old days, I would have had to put 20% down. So, for a $100K house, I would have had to make a $20K down payment, and the bank would lend me the remaining $80K. So, if the value of my house dropped to $90K and I stopped making payments (as is my right), the bank would seize my house, sell it for $90K, take its $80K, and return only $10K to me. That's not fair! By what right would the bank have to seize my house and not return all my money? Because I refused to make loan payments? Fuck you, bank!!

Step #3: Of course, requiring down payments is racist, so in 2004, HUD twisted the arm of Bush-Hitler to the point where it nearly broke off, and he announced the "Zero Down Payment Mortgage". That's getting much closer to a free mortgage! And it is what the working people deserve. Now I would borrow the entire $100K, and if I stopped making loan payments when the value of my house fell to $90K, the bank would seize it, and get only $90K of its $100K back! In other words, they will have lost money! Ha ha, fuck you, bank! And fuck you capitalist lenders! Fuck you, Zionist entity! For once, you're the suckers!

Step #4: As it happened, though, the bank loans were sold to the semi-governmental Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, regardless of the loan's terms. So the banks didn't much care about losing money; they had government customers ready to buy the loans. As the banks could make money, but were reasonably insured against losing money, they made lots of loans to people who deserved such loans. However, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were now exposed to losing money. Well, fuck them too! Except for one thing...

Step #5: I AM ENTITLED TO LIVE IN MY HOUSE, WHETHER I PAID FOR IT OR NOT. In other words, someone had better pay the banks or Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac or someone somewhere with lots of money so that I won't have to.

And that "someone" is a government with a heart:

Barack Obama has also criticized McCain for sitting back and watching while so many American families face eviction. Yet his own proposals are more nuanced than Hillary's. They include setting up a $10 billion fund to help prevent foreclosures, cracking down on mortgage fraud, providing tax credits to low- and middle-income homeowners who don't currently itemize their interest payments, and standardizing the terms of mortgages so that potential borrowers can more easily figure out when they are being hoodwinked. Obama has also expressed support for Democratic Senator Chris Dodd's plan to expand the Federal Housing Administration's ability to refinance troubled loans.

And after the fat capitalist scum come up with the money, the people shall drag them into the streets and BEAT THEM WITHOUT MERCY. Socialism, first, last, and always.

In real life, of course, this is not true, as I obviously do not have a mortgage on my rent-controlled apartment.

Someday, we shall all be living under such control. Control is wealth. And wealth is community. And community is the world of my brothers and sisters.

I assume that this explanation was far beyond the grasp of most readers.

Obama and Women's Rights

2008-09-21T12:00:00.000-07:00

"Despite decades of progress, women still make only 77 cents for every dollar a man makes."

- Women for Obama, from the official Obama/Biden Campaign Literature

Sad but true. In fact, I personally know of many employers who, when faced with hiring a woman for 77 cents an hour will instead thunder, "Give me a man of equal ability who will cost my company and shareholders an additional 23 cents an hour!" Bastards.

"In the Illinois State Senate, Obama cosponsored and voted for the Illinois Equal Pay Act, which provided 330,000 more women protection from pay discrimination."

The Illinois Equal Pay Act stipulates that people doing the same job must be paid the same wage, without regard to ability. This law therefore eliminated hiring discrimination. That is, if everyone must be paid the same wage without regard to ability, then employers might as well hire anyone. You can't understand that? If not, then you are not educable, and more than anyone, you need to have experts like Barack make decisions for you.

"As president, Obama will continue to promote paycheck equity and close the wage gap between men and women."

Again, if everyone must be paid the same salary, then all hiring discrimination will end. And furthermore, when equality is codified, then we will, legally speaking, all be equal in fact. Different input, same output. Enforced equality of outcomes has worked before, and it will continue to work in the future.

"Today, three-out-of-four low-wage workers have no paid sick leave. It is fundamentally unfair that a single mom playing by the rules can get fired or lose wages because her child gets sick. Barack Obama and Joe Biden support efforts to guarantee workers seven days of paid sick leave per year, a moderate proposal that should not impose too onerous a burden on employers."

Such a sensible idea, but with all due respect to Barack, why not two hundred paid sick days per year? That's what I get as a tenured university professor -- especially when you consider my summers, my sabbaticals, etc. And don't senators like Barack get more than only "seven sick days"? The trouble is that the low-paid working people do not know what is best for them. They need the on-the-spot guidance of legislators to determine how their compensation shall be administered. Sick days? Vacation? Wages? The best combination can only be determined by third parties who feel what must be done, and are unbiased by profits, losses, and the unforgiving fist of the so-called "free market".

The people need leaders. Lead!

Obama and The Mortgage Crisis

2008-09-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

Most people of my age will remember the term "redlining". That referred to a financial practice where banks would not lend money to People of Color. Instead, they took a red pen and drew a line around minority neighborhoods that would be denied loans.

Of course, the banks did not explicitly use the language of racial discrimination. Instead, as usual, the fat cats removed their white hoods and used code words like "bad credit risk" or "people without jobs, credit histories, collateral, or the ability to make a down payment".

Then, in 1977, under the stewardship of President Carter, the Community Reinvestment Act was passed, and all discrimination was outlawed. Banks had to lend money to everyone.

So far, so good.

Or was it?

Actually, a problem remained: Although minorities were getting loans and mortgages, the greedy lenders were getting even richer by collecting interest. But why should bankers get rich off the backs of the working people?

They shouldn't.

And now, those very fat cats are getting theirs. Firings, bankruptcies, layoffs...the entire ruling class is now suffering -- as they richly deserve -- just as Engels predicted.

But the question remains: What is to be done?

Barack Obama has the answer:

"We need some clear and steady leadership and that's why I was ahead of the curve in calling for regulation," he said. "And that's why I'm calling on the Treasury and the Federal Reserve to use their emergency authorities to maintain the flow of credit, to support the availability of mortgages and to ensure that our financial system is well capitalized."

More credit. More mortgages. Perfect. Let the money continue to flow from the greedy capitalists to the working people.

Our mission will not be finished until the working people get everything they deserve, for free, and the rich are punished for good.

"Home Values Are Plunging"

2008-09-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

In Barack's own words, from the ObamaBlog:

More than 600,000 Americans have lost their jobs since January. Home foreclosures are skyrocketing, and home values are plunging. Gas prices are at an all-time high, and we're still spending more than $10 billion every month on a war in Iraq that should never have been waged.

I agree with Barack that plunging home values are a crisis that must be fixed. It would be far better to have skyrocketing home values so that people will no longer be able to buy fossil fuel-burning homes.

Now, I already know what you are thinking: "But Professor, if you and Barack like high home prices, then how will we achieve our vision of affordable housing?"

My response to such a naive and insensitive question is that I (and Barack!) are under no obligation to entertain such smear-mongering and racially-charged accusations from Christianists who are clearly on the Bush-McCain-Palin-Haliburton-Hitler payroll.

In any event, demolishing half the nation's housing stock would go a long way towards addressing those plunging home values. It's been proven as a highly effective strategy in other countries.

OK, Now I'm Scared

2008-08-22T17:50:00.000-07:00

The apocalypse is upon us:

FDA to allow food producers to irradiate spinach, lettuce

The Food and Drug Administration has approved use of irradiation on spinach and lettuce to kill dangerous bacteria, but companies may have a tough time selling the idea to consumers.

And you can certainly count this consumer as one who the genocidal capitalists will have a "tough time" selling the idea to.

Not since I was instrumental in banning microwave ovens from campus have we been faced with such a threat to our existence.

Contrary to the health benefits of enjoying organic produce that was fertilized with human (vegan) feces, "irradiated" food is simply a nuclear holocaust on your dinner plate.

How does irradiation work? By immersing fresh greens in nuclear waste for weeks. Then they are delivered to Walmart, where they are further "enriched" them with uranium isotopes. In fact, this is how Walmart murders their employees when it is not convenient to instead lock them in burning stores overnight.

Irradiated food will destroy your brain. See how its proponents are capitalist lackeys? It is because the irradiated food triggered the "cruelty" and "stupid" lobes in their brains. That stupid people advocate irradiation is proof that irradiation made them stupid.

Furthermore, irradiated food has also been sent by Amerikkka to North Korea, where is has caused a "famine". No, this was not an ordinary famine; it was nuclear murder. Just as, years ago, the Zionists sent irradiated food to Ethiopia as part of their plan of worldwide extermination and domination.

The capitalist-industrialist-colonialist-imperialist-fascist-racist class will no longer fool us.

No nukes. No Nukes!! NO NUKES!!!

I now have to tend my garden; it needs fertilizing.

Bush, Cheney and Rice; Hitler, Himmler and Goebbels

2008-08-21T16:41:00.000-07:00

With what moral authority do these mainstays of the neoconservative, corporate elitist, greedy, self-interested Washington regime speak, when in their own closet there are skeletons labelled Abu Ghraib, Iraq, Guantanamo, mass murder, war crimes, illegal invasion, torture, illegal detention, disrespect for international law, denial of due process, rape...?

If they think that like Himmler, they can win hearts and minds through concentration camps and torture, history taught the Soviet Union (which lost 26 million of its sons and daughters freeing Europe from Fascist tyrrany) and the rest of the world a solemn lesson which forced the enlightened among us to vow never to allow the story to be repeated again.
Yet like Hitler, these three try. And they do not give up. And they keep on provoking time and time and time again.

If only these were my words, but they're not.

Instead, I am pleased to see that Pravda has been liberated.

Here's another article, this time about KKKondoleeza Rice:

The constant arrogance and hypocrisy of this failed female makes it that much more apparent that here is a person way out of her depth. Instead of regarding sensitive issues from a balanced viewpoint as she is supposed to do, this incompetent loud-mouthed, bad-mannered, bullshit-mongering bimbo takes one side, ignores the other and then speaks down from a holier-than-thou platform as if she were on a lecture dias.

This is not a classroom, Condoleezza Rice, and you are not a diplomat. You are a liar, a cheap, shallow, failed, wannabe actress on the diplomatic stage. This is the real world and out here, you have to be prepared to face up to your responsibilities.

Once again, my students will be required to subscribe to Pravda, and embrace the joyous melodies of the people's voice.

The fascist US of KKK is indeed a germ of corruption that will be removed soon.

Capitalist Pyramids

2008-08-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

One is old, one is new -- but they are both horribly and frightening real.

Poor People's Alternatives to Wal-Hitler-Mart

2008-07-05T16:15:00.001-07:00

Here is today's stupid question, emanating from a student who has sealed his failure in my class:

"Professor Kurgman, where should poor people shop if you feel that they should not patronize Walmart?"

Yes, I already a class-action lawsuit against this young man, on behalf of the entire academic community that has been irreparably offended by this hurtful question.

That said, the ideal is, of course, to not shop anywhere. "Shopping" is a capitalist concept, designed to distract the working class from the mass rape being inflicted upon them by said capitalist class.

But until The Revolution is complete, we must live with this intermediate state of affairs.

And so, here is my guide to Walmart alternatives for poor people:

Food

Poor people should stop poisoning themselves at Walmart and instead shop at Whole Foods Market. What with 100 different types of cheeses, sustainable seafood, cage-free eggs, and commitments to locally-grown organic crops and Ethical Trade, the Environment and Quality Products, it is utterly impossible to understand why machinists, truck drivers, auto mechanics, building superintendents, kitchen helpers, day laborers, and the rest of the working class would shop anywhere else. Unless, of course, they are victims of capitalist indoctrination.

Appliances and Household Items

Obviously, the poor people's place to go is Williams-Sonoma. The Hispanic market, in particular, will be intrigued by the wide assortment of furnishings for wine cellar s -- which is a category completely overlooked by racist Walmart. Need more evidence of Walmart's genocidal strategy? How about their neglecting the working person's demand for tart pans?

Clothing and Sporting Goods

The people reject Hitlermart and select the environmental embrace of Patagonia. Vegan-friendly, organic, and economical, working people and minorities can easily prepare for their favorite pastimes of yoga and alpine climbing. Can anyone explain to me why food stamps are not valid for Patagonia purchases? Vote the Environment!

Another good choice is Urban Outfitters, especially for their scarves that Walmart will not sell.

Toys

By selling toys, the Nazis at Walmart are deliberately fighting the forces of human extinction, which is our planet's only hope. Poor people, minorities, wymyn, and the working class cannot fight Walmarts poisonous propaganda, and so they have no choice but to procreate. And so, if toys must be purchased, we should still not feed the monster. Instead, I recommend planet-friendly products from Progressive Kid, where "every day is Earth Day" and where you can "challenge gender roles". From $3.99 eco-chocolate bars to $24 organic T-shirts, there is no better way for poor people to spend their money.

Some people might point out that some of these stores are more expensive than Walmart. Well, of course they are, and that is because they do not sell products made by slaves. And Progressive Kid goes even further; they are so progressive that they strive to not sell anything made by any Chinese people at all! (Or, presumably, not until the Cultural Revolution returns.)

Here is a tip: When choosing between a $2/pound toxic chicken at Walmart and a $9/pound organic chicken at Whole Foods, always pay more for organic. You will be defeating the slave owners, and there is no better recipient, no more needy recipient, for your extra $7 anywhere in the world.

My Colleagues in The News

2008-06-13T17:45:00.000-07:00

This proves it beyond all doubt: Crime is caused by white people planning recessions in order to get rich:

Surge in NY Violent Crime Linked to Recession

“For many people of color, this is not a recession, it’s a depression,” said Dr. Kirkland Vaughns, an associate professor at Adelphi University. “If whites were unemployed at this 50 percent rate, they’d be calling it a depression.”

“I don’t think people have very many options if unemployment is at 50 percent,” psychiatrist and author Dr. James McIntosh told the AmNews. “They’ve cut all the benefits, there’s no housing, no work. People have to see an alternative.”

Far from the governing bodies being unaware of the circumstances that drive the desperate to consider criminal enterprise, McIntosh said, “I think they plan on it. Look at the criminal justice system; their style of policing. They create the problem in particular communities, then they have extra observations and monitoring in terms of police officers; then they put the people in jail and make money off of it.”

“I have no empirical data that there is a correlation between recession and the increase in the crime rate, and I don’t think there is any [data], but I absolutely believe that there is one,” said Dr. Vaughns, a professor of clinical psychology and psychological analyst.

Religion vs. Progressivism

2008-06-10T16:08:00.000-07:00

This table clearly shows the difference between religion and progressivism. The gulf between the two shows how far we progressives must travel to reach our goals.

Barbaric Religion

Enlightened Progressivism

Trusts an all-powerful make-believe god to make decisions to help us.

A benevolent government will make decisions to help us.

Idiotic religious rituals.

Recycling, protest marches, veganism.

God is watching and will punish you if you sin.

We are watching, and will protect the People from your hate speech.

Creationists claim that life is to complicated to have evolved; all was created by god.

Professors know that economies are too complicated to have evolved; all is created by government policies.

God knows everything.

Government committees and political leaders know everything.

God is good and merciful.

The leader is wise and kind.

Sacrifice for your co-religionists.

Give all for your community.

Enemies of god will be dealt with.

Republicans will be dealt with.

Suffering will bring rewards.

Higher taxes will bring justice.

Faith trumps reason.

Global warming is the biggest threat to Earth.

Time-wasting religious services.

Productive community meetings.

Will not integrate with people of other religions.

Mingling with beautiful diversity at the farmers market and the food co-op. Buy local.

Compels non-believers to join.

Fight for labor unions; smash the open shop.

Incoherent and meaningless religious dogma.

Sustainability, empowerment, social justice, community action, grass-roots activism, and of course, progressivism.

The Genesis of Evil

2008-06-04T13:44:00.000-07:00

This is the genesis of evil, the six points of depravity from which all other evil springs. (Click on image to absorb it all.)

My students are required to memorize it, and demonstrate their allegiance to it on exams.

The Genesis of Evil tells us that there have been very few true evils in history. In fact, I am hard pressed to think of anything other than these main Six Points of Depravity.

For example, there have been a total of three tyrannical empires in all of history: Amerikkka, South Africa, and The Zionist Entity. The 99% of world history without these oozing sores has been one of progress, solidarity, and community. But the remaining 1% has had an influence far beyond their boundaries.

South Africa, fortunately, is no longer its former imperialistic apartheid terror threat. But instead, the horrors of apartheid have been inherited by the Zionist Entity -- and its relentless holocaust against the Palestinian people. And since we are all Palestinians, we are all being assaulted by the Zionists and their control over the genocidal Amerikkkan military machine.

Rest assured that I will fight. And fight and fight. And fight and fight and fight. And fight for the things that we believe in and the things that ought to be. Fight, fight, fight. The only road to progress is through fighting.

Who Is Rachael Ray?

2008-05-30T19:10:00.001-07:00

I have no idea whatsoever who "Rachael Ray" is, other than perhaps the second coming of a Rachel Corrie who is about to drink a cup of her own diarrhea.

I also have no idea what "Dunkin Donuts" is, other than it's apparently an environmentally proactive organization that sells sustainable waste products for heroes like Rachael Ray to drink.

I see there are three different grades, too.

And in solidarity with martyrs like Rachael Ray, I have a new look:

Barack: Which cabinet position am I entitled to?

Feces: The Ultimate in Sustainability

2008-05-22T14:47:00.001-07:00

Are you sustainable?

Am I sustainable?

No, I am afraid not. For I require inputs, which then lead to outputs, which are not recycled into fresh inputs. That is, I realized that I am depleting our beautiful planet of its every valuable resource.

Until today, when I decided to become a perfect closed system.

I started this day by eating my feces.

I wondered, at first: Should I place it in a bun? Or perhaps some toast? No no no! God DAMN Amerikkka! (Sorry, that phrase just came naturally after saying "No no no!...") But still, no no no! Bread is not sustainable! Electricity is not sustainable! There is only so much to go around, and every time we use any resource, we are raping our planet!

And so, I tenderly picked up my waste, and gently rolled it into an oblong mass -- like perhaps melted brown tofu. (Which, upon reflection, is not that far off from where it started.) Still warm, I lifted it to eye level, inhaled its exciting scent, and carefully placed it in my mouth. Tasty! Perhaps better than tofu. And it's sustainable!

I then brushed my teeth. No, I did not brush my teeth with synthetic, hormone-fed toothpaste. I placed some leftover feces on my finger (No, I do not use a disgusting resource-hogging toothbrush) and rubbed it on my teeth, on my tongue, on vigorously into my gums.

Yes, a lot of feces did get in my beard, but I proudly wore it as a badge of sustainability as I wandered through the food co-op later, scowling at the patrons and their unsustainable ways.

Later in the day, I voided my bowels again, and elected to go for a second recycling of this precious substance. No microwave needed, thank you, as my body acted as a natural heat furnace to serve this deliciously warm wet meal.

Perhaps I will let some harden, and treat my students to some "cookies" tomorrow.

I have no guilt, because I am completely sustainable.

Are you sustainable?

Democrats Are Racists?

2008-05-21T13:44:00.000-07:00

Like anyone else, I get most of my news by reading Daily Kos. So, I was naturally quite surprised, confused, and conflicted when I read the news that Democrats are racist.

"And while Clinton gets 72 percent of the Democratic vote, Obama is getting just 57 percent. Some of that may be the racist vote..."

Now, if racists vote for Hillary, and only registered Democrats are allowed to vote in the Democratic primaries, that means that there are Democrats are racist!

As I said, surprised, confused, and conflicted.

Then again, of course those Kentucky white-trash redneck KKKristianist hillbillies are racist!

It's very simple, peeps: Every vote for Obama is an enlighted decision based on thoughtful inquiry and a careful objective analysis based on sound facts. And every vote against Obama is a confession of the most hateful and depraved racism; the very kind that still enslaves people of color -- and has earned Amerikkka (and it's Zionist puppet-masters) a well-deserved reputation as being the most vile and putrid nation that has ever been formed.

We need change.

A Malevolent and Stupid Question

2008-05-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

This morning, a student approached me with a most malevolent question:

"Professor Kurgman, you always say that taxes should be higher. But what is stopping you from contributing extra taxes on your own, beyond what the IRS requires?"

I thought about this question, and referred this student to academic discipline for committing a hate crime against me.

Yes, there is such a thing as a stupid question, and this is one of them.

And there are many responses:

1. My extra contributions would only feed the Republican War Machine, and I refuse to cooperate.

2. My extra contributions, in the bigger scheme of things, are too negligible to matter.

3. I have no need to further illustrate my virtue; it is the rest of the populace that needs the
therapeutic effects of additional taxes to understand our struggle.

4. This is the ultimate example of the "Tragedy of The Commons" where private greed can only be defeated by demanding collective action of higher tax payments.

5. Such questions are clearly planted by the CIA to further oppress the cause of working people.

Listen: I will not respond to vicious personal attacks, as they are not only irrelevant, but are also insensitive and hurtful. And my lawyer will tell you as much.

Other Countries Matter!

2008-05-19T17:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you, Senator Obama, for pointing out the obvious:

"We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times ... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK," Obama said.

Nor can we expect other countries to approve of our addictions to:

- Only one family per apartment

- "24/7" electricity

- Pharmaceuticals

- Any kind of so-called "consumer desires"

I yearn for the day when Amerikkka can meet the approval of not just some, but of every country in the world. From Sudan to Cuba to Venezuela to Iran, all countries must approve! Except, of course, from the Stinking Zionist Corpse, which is technically not a "country" anyway.

California's Top Court Legalizes Gay Marriage

2008-05-15T19:01:00.000-07:00

California's top court legalizes gay marriage.

Can there be a more beautiful day? Yes, when President Obama replaces Amerikkka's nazi judges with more empathetic judges.

Make no mistake, peeps, the purpose of judges is to pass laws. The California Supreme Court understands this, and hopefully, a future Supreme Court will pass laws as often as I pass gas.

So, let the courts decide that the government should recognize gay marriage. And let the courts decide how criminals (read: Republicans) shall be punished. And let the courts decide how diverse your neighbors will be. And where you will live. And what you should eat. And what you will wear. And what your use for the state shall be.

Authoritarian progressivism has worked before, and it will work again.

Thanking Our Leaders

2008-05-15T18:09:00.000-07:00

Reader Lenin had an interesting comment the other day:

"I don't know about Alwaleed bin Talal, but I was driving in the UAE recently. The citizens there voluntarily erect billboards celebrating the achievements of their benign leaders."

Excellent idea. For a PhD dissertation.

My students will be told to create posters thanking our leaders.

First thing, Monday.

I am writing this like ad copy. Because it is effective. Very effective.

The $24,725,000,000 Bargain

2008-05-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

In 2009, The United States Department of Energy will require $24,725,000,000.

Unfortunately, the DOE is now being administered by Resident Bush, but it is still a bargain.

Why? Because they make plans and write reports.

I know, because one of my strengths is making plans and having my students write reports. For instance, the DOE recently combined these two skills by writing a report for a possible plan for wind energy growth. This alone is probably worth $17,654,739,082, plus or minus $300 or so.

I envision hundreds of thousands of wind turbines replacing the depraved commercial and so-called "residential" uses (like horrid sprawl) that are presently littered across the Amerikkkan wasteland that lies between the coasts, and especially in Texas.

But I despair. And I am worried. Worried that $24,725,000,000 is not enough. We need more for the DOE. More tax dollars from people with so-called "earnings". (Stealing from slaves is slaves is not an earning!) We need change. And fortunately, there is someone who is promising change: Change of an additional $150,000,000,000 over ten years to The Department of Energy!

Invest $150 Billion over 10 Years in Clean Energy: Obama will invest $150 billion over 10 years to advance the next generation of biofuels and fuel infrastructure, accelerate the commercialization of plug-in hybrids, promote development of commercial-scale renewable energy, invest in low-emissions coal plants, and begin the transition to a new digital electricity grid.

You cannot put a price on plug-in hybrids. There is simply no cap.

Chinese Earthquake = JOBS!!

2008-05-12T13:14:00.001-07:00

It's all about jobs.

When there is an earthquake, and destruction is total, then it takes jobs to set things right. From rescuers, blood donors, and gardeners nurturing organic crops, to legislators to prevent price gouging, youth corps to enforce emergency laws, and an empowered citizenry to ensure that their neighbors do not escape tax payments, these sort of natural (natural!) incidents create jobs.

Immediately after the so-called "tragedy" of "9/11" (assuming that it actually happened), I told my students that the seeming destruction of large buildings is actually a positive event because it creates jobs. Good jobs. Good union jobs.

(As an aside, if "9/11" really did happen, which it didn't, then Dick Cheney must answer for his crimes, even though jobs were created.)

This is why I am waiting for Resident Bush to leave. (You see the humor there? He is not the President, he is merely the Resident of the White House.) Bush and his Christian Cadre have been destroying jobs by interfering with those abroad who rightfully hate Amerikkka so much.

Hey, man, the jobs belong here, and not in Iraq.

These rich white bastards have been pummeling us for to long. Eventually, we shall crush them.

"Barack knows what it means living in a country and a culture that is controlled by rich, white people." - Rev. Jeremiah Wright

My Calendar, Week of 5/11/08

2008-05-10T19:05:00.000-07:00

Cynthia McKinney: VOICES FOR REAL CHANGE on Mother's Day

END THE WAR END TORTURE Die-In Protest

Damages of Development: Environmental Justice and Indigenous Rights in Guatemala

Did you know that Ms. McKinney is the Green Party Presidential Candidate? She's also a friend of Saudi Prince Alwaleed bin Talal, who, I infer, is also concerned with global warming issues.

Ideally, Ms. McKinney would speak about indigenous rights in Guatemala, while we all lie on the floor during the die-in. That would save me much time.

I am already getting ready for the die-in by preserving my most bacteria-laden perspiration in a jar, which I will apply to myself to simulate the scent of a corpse. Perhaps, I will emit other bodily fluids (and solids...and semi-solids!) that I will use, and share, at this event.

The gravity of my commitment is unfathomable.

God DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN AMERIKKKA!!!!

“We have supported state terrorism against the Palestinians and black South Africans, and now we are indignant because the stuff we have done overseas is now brought right back to our own front yards. America’s chickens are coming home to roost.” - Rev. Jeremiah Wright

Get Your Rosaries off My Ovaries!

2008-05-10T17:43:00.000-07:00

I was going to write about keeping your filthy blood-drenched rosaries off my beautiful ovaries, but I do not know what "rosaries" are, so I will need to put this off.

Still, I am outraged by this.

White Privilege

2008-05-10T17:10:00.000-07:00

Every day, I face the unwarranted privileges of being white.

It is something that I am ashamed of, something that worries me every day, and something I wish I could change.

I do not blame my parents for this, generally. But I am unable to understand how they were afflicted with a racist desire to avoid procreating with People of Color. Bad enough that they procreated at all! But to curse our beautiful planet with another white person was something that will always be hard for me to forgive.

That said, I found this wonderful resource that lists Fifty Effects of White Privilege in Amerikkka.

Naturally, my busy schedule did not permit me to actually read the entire list, but I wept at the fact that such a list exists.

But, to be sure, there are more than only fifty effects of white privilege, such as:

51. Being white enables you to exploit factory workers in Asia by wearing Nikes.

52. Being white means that you can kill People of Color with the toxic fumes from your SUV.

53. Being white means that you are allowed to attend universities.

54. Being white means that you can run for political office.

55. Being white means that you can be seated at Denny's, instead of being spat on, hauled into the kitchen, being forced into slavery for a week, and then beaten to death.

I could probably list another fifty example of white privilege, but instead I will leave that to my students on their final exams.

“Barack knows what it means living in a country and a culture that is controlled by rich white people. Hillary would never know that. Hillary ain’t never been called a nigger. Hillary has never had a people defined as a non-person.” - Rev, Jeremiah Wright

Presidential Endorsement

2008-05-08T19:45:00.000-07:00

My grad student and PhD candidate Kathy, who is on the verge of being awarded a PhD, has prepared an exceptionally articulate essay on who she endorses for president of Amerikkka.

My phone is ringing....who is this? The editorial board of the New York Times? You want to reprint Kathy's essay? Not unless it's "above the fold" on Page One!

Another Reason to Hate Wal-Mart

2008-05-08T15:57:00.001-07:00

It's called "community".

It's the idea that we work together as one: In unity, in solidarity, and in diversity. In a community, you give. You do what your community needs from you, because...it is your community.

Compare the visceral delights of contributing to a community...and living and breathing...and entirely existing for your community...with the opposite: Slavery and fascism.

In other nations, noble experiments fostered community among the proletariat. They were not against; they were among! See this picture of an early Soviet gay-pride parade that was combined with community obligations. Obligations from the soul!

But Amerikkka was founded on slavery and has regressed ever since. Today, we -- you and I, and especially people of color and of indeterminate gender -- are slaves. The blame is everywhere, from Mister Bush to so-called "pharmaceutical" companies to the Zionist-controlled hydra of Exxon-Mobil.

But it is best illustrated by Wal-Mart. Exploiting workers by not paying them what the community demands. Exploiting shoppers by forcing them to buy things that the community rejects. Unrelentingly smashing the small shop-owners who are the very backbone of the community.

Connect the dots, people. It's Wal-Mart vs. The Community. We have become their slaves.

Oh no, I would never, never, never urinate in a Wal-Mart dressing room! No, I would not. Never. It is because that is their tactic. They urinate on the worker, the farmer, the undocumented immigrant, the student, and, yes, on me.

The urine-soaked community will not take this lying down.

We will fight.

Oh yes, the chickens will come home to ROOST!

Foreclosure Solution: Ban Houses

2008-05-07T11:23:00.001-07:00

A brief history of today's housing crisis:

1. Racist bankers, on direct orders from Mr. Bush, tempt minorities with low-interest mortgages.

2. Not seeing the concealed blood-stained fangs of the Republican Murder Machine, People of Color become coerced into accepting these loans.

3. The Zionist puppet masters enslave the exploited, overworked, and vulnerable People of Color by stealing their homes, confiscating their land, and raping their women.

As a tenured professor swamped with numerous academic burdens, I can't save every human from the predatory behavior of raw bloody capitalism.

But I can offer sound policy suggestions.

See the joyous youth in the picture on the right, embracing his leader's decision to demolish housing. Now, this just happens to be in Zimbabwe, but it can also be in Los Angeles or Boston. President Mugabe's nation has no foreclosure crises. He is a leader. WE NEED A LEADER!

Were it not for my university enslaving me, I would move to Zimbabwe tomorrow!

God DAMN Amerikkka!!!

Greenpeace

2008-05-07T10:35:00.000-07:00

I was unaware that Greenpeace had chapters in The Lands of Sun People. Good for them!

Good to see the kids organizing, too. These youngsters look like serious vegans!

I wonder which university they are affiliated with.

Gas Taxes: Time to Raise Them

2008-05-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

From the New York Times:

"Leave aside that suspending the 18.4-cent-a-gallon excise tax would cost the deficit-burdened federal government $9 billion and that turning a tax off in May and on in September would be an administrative nightmare.
"Even leave aside that nixing the gas tax would increase demand for gasoline — exactly the wrong response to global warming and rising energy prices."

Exactly.

And these are precisely the reasons why we must also fight for higher food taxes as well.

Do you have any idea how much the absence of a 90% food tax is costing the federal government? And worse, the lack of such a tax is encouraging Amerikkkans (who are already fat enough) to deplete our food supply at epidemic and exponential rates.

What sort of message DO we want to send to our children? That they should EAT?

No one should drive or eat. Or, for that matter, be permitted to accelerate global warming by A) Wearing new clothing, and B) Using soap. These are also items that must be conserved. If we use soap, we'll lose soap.

Why can't we just replace the U.S. Congress with the Times editorial board?

Vegetable Holocaust

2008-02-19T18:45:00.000-08:00

I was horrified when I saw these graphic and very disturbing pictures of the Vegetable Holocaust. Though these atrocities are more than I can bear, I implore you to read about them so that we can help the movement to protect the vegetables.

Bye Bye Fidel

2008-02-19T13:22:00.000-08:00

Some thoughts on the reign of my beloved Fidel Castro:

A country is to be judged entirely on free access to health care. On this measure, Fidel's Cuba is in fact the supreme revolutionary state that Amerikkka should hope to become one day.

Fidel was a pure revolutionary; even Reuters knows that. In the entire history of the world, there have been only four dictators, of which one (and maybe two!) were defeated by Fidel: Batista, Pinochet, Hitler, and Bush.

Fidel's Cuba is GREEN! Power consumption per capita is only 1,200 KWh (similar to other green nations like Tunisia and Syria). Compare with loathesome fat Amerikkkans drinking 13,000 (!) KWh per capita.

Fidel's Cuba has a per capita income of $3,000 -- similar to the nations of honest Sun People of sub-Saharan Africa. Unlike the murderous status-seeking Amerikkkans, Cubans derive pleasure from the non-monetary aspects of life, such as free health care and a genuine Revolution!

I miss you already, Fidel, my leader.

Why I Like Obama

2008-02-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

"The outlaws of Exxon Mobil will never again rob us."

-- President Hugo Chavez, Feruary 10, 2008

"I know that it won't be easy to change our energy policy. ExxonMobil made $11 billion last quarter. They don't want to give those profits up easily."

-- Barack Obama, February 12, 2008

My Presidential Primary Endorsements

2008-02-04T19:01:00.001-08:00

Democrat Endorsement

My first choice for Democratic nominee is Comrade Hugo Chavez.

I have already instructed my students (under the penalty of failure) to canvass streets, shopping malls, Wal-Marts, and all types of public and so-called "private property" with literature encouraging the people to support Hugo.

My students have told me, however, that most ignorant Amerikkkans (an oxymoron, if there ever was) do not understand that they can support Hugo, and instead feel limited to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. When I see such people, I scream at them, "What have you against Chavez, you swine?", and they are left dumbstruck, unable to answer.

Amerikkkans = Racists.

Nevertheless, of the remaining two candidates, I support Hillary Clinton.

Yes, these are uniquely historic times, when the president of Amerikkka can be a Brown Sun Person -- but as important as that qualification is, I believe that it is our turn as wymyn to propel ourselves to our share of power.

And besides, look at her plan:

"I have been listening to the voices of people across America."

"My measure of economic success will never be a single, dry statistic. "

"...we need decisive, experienced leadership to get us back on the right track."

"As president, I will not hesitate to take swift, bold action to address our immediate challenges."

Need I go on?

Republican Endorsement

Yes, they will all be dealt with later. But still, if Joh n McCain is good enough for The New York Times, then he certainly passes my test.

For now.

"He was an early advocate for battling global warming."

"Mr. McCain was one of the first prominent Republicans to point out how badly the war in Iraq was being managed."

"Mr. McCain stood up for the humane treatment of prisoners and for a ban on torture. "

"He has been a staunch advocate of campaign finance reform, working with Senator Russ Feingold, among the most liberal of Democrats, on groundbreaking legislation, just as he worked with Senator Edward Kennedy on immigration reform."

And, he likes taxes!

If a Republican must win, then it must be McCain.

But he will be dealt with, too.

Problem...Housing CRISIS; Solution...More GOVERNMENT

2008-02-02T16:23:00.000-08:00

All across this putrid land of Amerikkka, people have been evicted from their homes. By the millions, they waste in the gutters and sewers, their rotting corpses providing food for bloated corporate pigs to feast on, and for zionist bankers to repeatedly rape over and over and over and over.

Do I exaggerate? No, I am understating the horrors of bank foreclosures.

Understand this and never forget: A contract is intended to help the people. And when the banks say that people are "bound" to "contractual obligations" like paying "interest" at "mutually agreed upon" "rates", then that, friends, is all the proof I need to demonstrate that the Nazis were never in fact defeated by the heros of the Soviet Union, but are instead alive and well, and "lending" money to home owners in Amerikkka.

Fortunately, there is a short term solution. (The long term solution, of course, involving the dragging the capitalists into the streets and shooting them like the vultures they are.)

In 1977, Amerikkka's finest President, Jimmy Carter, signed the Community Reinvestment Act.

The Community Reinvestment Act (CRA) was established by Congress in 1977. The Act requires that deposit-taking financial institutions offer equal access to lending, investment and services to all those in an institution's geographic assessment area-at least three to five miles from each branch. In the case of large banks with many branches, the geographic area may encompass an entire county or even a state.

Before the CRA, many bankers excluded low-income neighborhoods and people of color from their lending products, investments, and financial services - a practice known as "redlining". Community activists coined the term when they discovered that the failure of banks to make loans in some low-income neighborhoods was so geographically distinct, that it was easy to draw red lines on maps to delineate the practices.

In the 1970s, activists in Chicago and across the country brought strong pressure on banks to lend equitably to all those in their communities. Since its passage, the CRA has been used across the United States to win tens of billions of dollars in new lending, investments, and services for communities. The National Community Reinvestment Coalition tracks more than $1 trillion dollars in community reinvestment pledges nationally. These pledges are explicit investments in equitable development goals, and finance many tools in this toolkit.

Friends, we need better enforcement of the Community Reinvestment Act (and more Nobel prizes for President Jimmy Carter).

We need to force the banks to lend more money to people of low-income and people of color.

And we especially need to lend money to people with no money and no credit, for they will be the underpinning of our new Socialist State.

And we must allow the loan recipients to repay the loans on their terms, and not according to some racist "contract".

More government is better government.

Giuliani and the "9/11" Fabrication

2008-01-26T13:14:00.000-08:00

I honestly don't know why New York Times editorials are called "opinion" instead of being placed on the front-page as hard news.

Giuliani Does It His Way in New York’s Balmier Precincts

The former mayor goes for New Yorkers’ souls. He tells them that they must never, ever forget to worry.

Terrorism is right outside the door. The mayor is the man to fight it. Osama bin Laden is at large. The guy who tamed New York will find him. Hurricanes? Hizzoner can get the insurance man to pay up. If he could do this up there in the big city, he could certainly do it a few hundred miles south in puny old Washington.
His audiences break away from their ease to witness his dark humor, the muscular, tough-guy image. “I love him,” cooed one émigré from Long Island.

In short, what sort of dunce is suckered in by Giuliani's scare-mongering talk of "terrorism" and "Bin Laden" and other fictions that are designed to tap into the racist core of Amerikkka?

Clearly, such uneducated dimwits reside in Long Island and other suburban precincts. These are places that are occupied by the privileged hoards who feast off the enslavement of brown people everywhere. (Does this remind you of other occupations of enslaved brown people? Like those that begin with the letter "Z"?)

Can anyone tell me why Giuliani is permitted to get away with his 9/11 LIES? People...9/11 never happened!

Can anyone tell me why Giuliani is allowed to repeatedly rape the people instead of being in prison?

Hillary and Wal-Mart

2008-01-24T15:37:00.000-08:00

My vote matters, and will be very decisive in choosing our next leader.

And so, I was very disgusted to learn that Hillary was on the board of Wal-Mart. For starters, I did not realize that she was a Zionist pig. As we know, the Zionists cannot control the world financial markets without controlling Wal-Mart -- and it is evidently clear from this picture that the Wal-Mart board is comprised of Zionists.
But I was relieved to learn that all is well:

As a Director, Clinton Moved Wal-Mart Board, but Only So Far

Fellow board members and company executives, who have not spoken publicly about her role at Wal-Mart, say Mrs. Clinton used her position to champion personal causes, like the need for more women in management and a comprehensive environmental program, despite being Wal-Mart’s only female director, the youngest and arguably the least experienced in business.

Understand this: The proper function of being a Board Director is to "champion your personal causes".

And understand this: The proper function of being the President of Amerikkka is also to champion your personal causes.

And understand this: She has some very respectable personal causes.

The more I learn about her, the less inclined I will be to support Robert Mugabe at the brokered Democratic Party convention.

Kathy: Virginia Tech Murders Fault of Jews

2007-04-18T16:34:00.000-07:00

My PhD candidate Kathy has put forward a well-developed theory that the murders at Virginia Tech were basically the fault of the Jews.

It's a well-developed theory that I intend to incorporate in my upcoming journal article "Capitalism and The Inevitable Backlash Against The Little Eichmanns".

I agree with Kathy. The Zionist Holocaust against the Palestinian people has hardened us into an uncaring society, and, suspiciously, this murder spree has "coincidentally" distracted us from the real murder spree in the Middle East.

And I can confidently say that this sort of atrocity is not possible in my school because, unlike the racist white trash of rural Virginia, my university is staffed with a sensitive and caring faculty. I would have personally taken this young man to my bosom and assured him that World Socialism is just around the corner. That alone would have undoubtedly inspired him to join us in the Revolution! We need young men like him!

But for now, peeps, let's move on. Let's not get caught up in this silly story. The real murderers, like Karl Rove and Don Imus, are our true enemies.

It's Funny Because It's True: Nixon & Bush

2007-04-16T20:51:00.000-07:00

Back in the day when I was publicly defecating on Amerikkkan flags to protest the abhorrent policies of the ogre Nixon, it did not occur to me that someday, Nixon would resurface in a different guise.

Yes, I'm looking at your grotesque visage, Mister Bush. You are not as crafty as the treacherous Mr. Nixon was, but your vacuousness is a perfect complement to the homicidal KKKristianist crimes committed by your godbag cronies. But the people have your number. Your fear-mongering tactics about so-called "nuclear weapons" being developed in Iran are nothing more than a contrivance designed to distract us from attorney firings. But your scheme will not work. Just as your CIA-planned "9/11" did not distract us, neither will your Iranian bogeyman distract us from your abhorrent scandals.

My life has been one constant battle against genocidal criminals and genocidal morons/chimpanzees.

An Open Apology to The Reverend Al Sharpton

2007-04-12T15:14:00.000-07:00

May I approach you, Reverend Sharpton, if only in this most electronic paradigm?

If so, I would like to confess my guilt, and deeply deeply deeply apologize for having been born into the same cursed race as the slave-driving white supremacist Don Imus. And may I apologize for not having even more black pupils in my classes? And may I apologize for them not getting into grad schools (and baseball teams!) at a sufficiently high rate? Please understand that I already curve all of my students of color to 100% to ensure that they receive a 4.0 average in my classes. And yet, this is still not enough!

I appeal to you, Reverend, to accept my confession. You have defined the very definition of the moral summit as an activist, a civil-rights leader, a religious leader, a grass-roots people-powered political presence, a courageous candidate for Mayor of New York as well as the Amerikkkan Presidency, a defender of rape victims, a spokesperson for the rent-oppressed, a beacon of peace and hope, a resistor against the cancer of Zionism, and an indefatigable icon of the Democratic Party.

I wish to make amends. Even though I am about to sacrifice over $53M dollars to settle a racial bias suit (technically, FedEx is making the payment, but I am of the same race as their executives, am I not?), I want to do more. Can I encourage my my fellow white citizens to atone for holding slaves?

Please, help me, cure me, and heal me.

I lay before you, prone, in wait of your judgment. I realize that you just received the most shocking blow to your life, but please make the time to forgive me. I eagerly anticipate your response, even if it is only preparatory advice that instructs me on how to position myself.

Most Humbly,

Professor Peter Kurgman, PhD., PhD., PhD

It's Funny Because It's True

2007-04-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

...so true!

Yes, I realize that this is not the time for humor, especially with the British assault on the Iranian People.

But, it's just so true!

Iran: Victims of The British Pigs

2007-03-30T16:56:00.000-07:00

And so we see that no empire is too big for the British Imperialists. Not being content with dominating and enslaving the entire World of Color, they brazenly invaded the peaceful Islamic Republic of Iran. The British, pigs that they are, knew that their porcine presence would defile the Islamic faith.

Simply put, this was yet another grotesque Western attempt to exterminate the indigenous ones.

It was a naval incursion, designed to repress and further subjugate an entire people for their sin of having been born into the wrong religion. But the Iranian People said NO! And they fought back, just as determined as when they defended themselves against the war-mongering Amerikkkan Embassy employees in 1979. At the time, I begged my Iranian students to PLEASE take hostages at my university, to show solidarity with their struggling brethren across the world. They did not, and so I was left, alone, to exercise my First Amendment rights by expectorating in the foul face of the dean.

And look at how civil the Iranians are: No hoods, no electric shocks, and no beatings. The Iranians have been restrained. Unlike the Zionists, who invented the phrase "disproportional response", all the Iranians want is to be treated with respect.

And the solutions are clear:

- Reparations to the Iranian People

- Reparations to Muslims

- Reparations to all People of Color

- World Socialism Now!

Until then, I too will feel invaded and raped, just like Iran.

I Weep for Darfur

2007-03-06T18:17:00.000-08:00

I weep for Darfur.

While the Zionist-controlled Amerikkkan killing machine wantonly perpetuates the most immense and obscene crimes in the history of the world, the children of Darfur suffer.

Why must this be?

Because when children of color are murdered, no one gives a damn. In Darfur, as I write these words, there is a Black Holocaust.

And how shall we put an end to this holocaust? By boycotting Fidelity Investments. As always, you can't spell "Holocaust" without "capitalism". When the mutual-fund managers are dragged into the streets and beaten as the murderers they are, then the Black Holocaust will cease. When the Zionist-backed murderers in Darfur realize that Fidelity Investments is no more, then they will stop the killing.

The destruction of capitalism is the only answer.

And don't forget to donate to anyone who needs money to support our cause in Darfur.

I weep for the children.

Kathy: Guy for a Day

2007-02-28T17:01:00.000-08:00

My overachieving PhD pupil, Kathy, became male for one day to see first hand how oppressive our fascist patriarchy really is.

I wept with pride at her monumental achievement.

Faqtown

2007-02-25T14:39:00.000-08:00

I need a sabbatical.

No, I am entitled to a sabbatical.

Meanwhile, I urge you to view the Faqtown blog to learn what the enemy is up to.

Dream Ticket: Maya Angelou/Uday Hussein '08

2007-02-15T15:38:00.000-08:00

"The fact that the adult American Negro female emerges a formidable character is often met with amazement, distaste and even belligerance. It is seldom accepted as an inevitable outcome of the struggle won by survivors, and deserves respect if not enthusiastic acceptance. "

- Maya Angelou

More than anything else, the Presidency needs to be a place place of beauty and tranquility. So I ask you: Read those words again. Read them for their clarity. Read them for their truth. Read them for their profound depth. And read them for their beauty. They are at once sensitive and powerful.

And I weep. For hours. Is there no better criteria for selecting a president?

And for balance on the ticket, we must have another Person of Color; another Sun Person who speaks truth to power:

"If they come, ... Sept. 11, which they are crying over and see as a big thing, will be a real picnic for them, God willing.”

- Uday Hussein

And now my tears have turned into bursts of rage, for this man has been demonized beyond all moral boundaries. But as a Vice-President, he will have a forum -- a peoples forum! -- to rise as a leader. A leadership that was stolen from him by the same monsters that stole the last two Amerikkkan elections. He was the future that was taken from us.

Angelou/Hussein '08.

Technically, Mr. Hussein is dead.

The taxidermists are working on it, though.

Assuming that christianist godbags don't terminate funding for taxidermy research.

And my fingers are now hairy white prunes, having been soaked in my cascade of tears.

The Presidential Candidates: An Analysis

2007-02-12T15:39:00.000-08:00

Here is my assessment of all the presidential candidates; it is never too soon to start thinking about this topic.

John Edwards

Pro

- Understands that many Amerikkkans cannot meet the minimal standards of sustaining human life, and even more so after Katrina. He says that it is not enough to "ask what you can do for the 37 million Americans who live in poverty in your country; you should ask what you can do for the world, too."

- Will make health care universal, unlimited, and free by asking employers and taxpayers to pay for it all. Especially taxpayers.

- Accomplished trial lawyer; altruistically defends people against corporate interests.

- Former running mate of a dignified presidential candidate.

Con

- Does not call for the immediate, right-now, withdrawal from Iraq and an apology to the Sun People.

Hillary Clinton

Pro

- A womyn.

- A doer.

- We get two presidents for the price of one.

- Friend of the Arafat family in times of Zionist lies and aggression.

- Understands the subordination of so-called "individual rights" to the common good, especially when it comes to eliminating obscene oil-company profits: "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

- Understands the threat posed by pharmaceutical companies 'My opponent is on the side of drug companies..."

- Anti-globalization and able to give hours-long speeches on it: "In too many instances, the march to globalization has also meant the marginalization of women and girls. And that must change. "

Con

- War-mongering war whore

Barack Hussein Obama

Pro

- African-American.

- Former Muslim: "Hussein".

- Clean and articulate.

- Won't take shit from enemy nations like Australia.

Con

- Not dark enough.

- Does not call for immediate collectivization of private property and imprisonment of class enemies.

Dennis Kucinich

Pro

- Would end the genocidal war in Iraq right now, immediately.

- Would create a Department of Peace.

- Would criminalize speech that interferes with The Revolution.

- Would create jobs, man, by eliminating so-called "free trade".

- Passing resemblance to Ramsey Clark.

Con

- Does not explicitly call for the destruction of The Zionist Entity.

This post will be updated as we learn more about these candidates.

War on Iraq: Turning Our 25-Year Olds into 40-Year Olds

2007-01-29T17:09:00.000-08:00

Our Fuhrer Bush has sent 1,049,000 soldiers to Iraq, and 3,067 died, according to the Pentagon's own damning statistics. That is, a full 0.3% of all soldiers sent to Iraq since 2001 have been killed. (You can see the death statistics here; I refresh this page every five seconds and stare at it for hours, weeping.)

So, the Iraq death rate is about 300 per 100,000 soldiers. But according to The Center for Disease Control (on Page 6 of the linked pdf), the overall death rate among all Amerikkkan children aged 15 to 34 is 105 per 100,000 males, and is 70 per 100,000 females.

That means: Sending your 25-year old baby to Iraq increases his/her chance of dying by about three times what it would have been if he/she stayed at home. It is asking your 25-year old child to absorb three years of risk into a single one-year tour of duty in Iraq. It is asking your 25-year old to face the same risk of dying in Iraq as a 40-year old who stays at home watching NPR.

In a word: Unacceptable.

Iraq is a dangerous place; your baby soldier would otherwise be at home, next to your bosom where you would ensure that he/she wears seat belts, does not drink, never rides on motorcycles, does not smoke, watches his/her cholesterol, avoids transfats, always uses a bathmat, never uses matches, does not fix electrical problems himself/herself, never uses ladders, always washes his/her hands, stays away from swimming pools and beaches, and eats a vegan diet.

Instead, they are sent to Iraq to die in Mr. Bush's Holocaust.

And for what?

For violently avenging the 3,000 "people" (i.e., Little Eichmanns) who fell victim to Dick Cheney's attacks on The World Trade Center and The Pentagon? (Assuming that it happened at all?)

For scapegoating a peaceful religion for Bush's murders?

For avenging the Democrats for daring to suggest that Bush stole the election?

I CARE about our troops and DEMAND that they come home NOW, with a promise to NEVER send them to war again; it is not the military's place to go to war.

Living through Nazi Germany was a cakewalk compared to what we must endure in Amerikkka today.

Capitalism vs. Intelligent Design

2007-01-26T15:08:00.000-08:00

I've come to realize that although the term "socialism" exudes a caring feminine warmth, it does not address the cold male-obsessed drive for impersonal calculations. So, perhaps socialism should also be called "Intelligent Design" -- that is, a functioning economy and social system that can only be the product of Intelligent Designers.

Let's look at capitalist myths vs. Intelligent Design (ID) truths:

Capitalist Myth: "Free markets" evolve to an optimal economic efficiency

ID Truth: This is nothing more than a description of a cruel Darwinian "survival of the fittest" jungle. It is not possible for free markets to "evolve" to anything; only an Intelligent Designer can create things. Among other things, the principal of "irreducible complexity" states that a progressive state cannot exist if even one of its pillars is missing. Can you imagine a city without buildings? It could not function! Therefore, it must all be created simultaneously by an Intelligent Designer with a Plan.

Capitalist Myth: "Free-market" competition encourages traders to offer the best possible terms of exchange.

ID Truth: Free competition leads to the poverty of the working class. Only an Intelligent Designer, like the AFL-CIO, can bring universal prosperity.

Capitalist Myth: Freedom to design and produce has led to technological innovations; i.e., as better products evolve over years and generations, inferior products are driven out of the marketplace.

ID Truth: The ridiculous "evolution" process does not work -- and even if it did, it could be entirely bypassed if an Intelligent Designer (like the Democratic Party, or better yet, a Mao Zedong) legislates solutions from the start. Example: The intelligently-created Trabant was such a success that it hardly needed any improvements.

Capitalist Myth: Nations with the least government and an unscripted economy are the most advanced.

ID Truth: Nonsense. "Least Government" is a racist codeword for slavery and moral bankruptcy. Only an Intelligent Designer with an Action Plan could have achieved Cuban health care, Eastern European economic miracles, Turkmenbashi statues, and the humanity and clarity of Korean Juche.

Capitalist Myth: The history of The United States shows that free markets have been accompanied by improved standards of living.

ID Truth: To the extent that the Amerikkkan slave state has any respectable standard of living, it is because of its government's growth. (Econometrics states that when two things happen at the same time, it is because one caused the other.)

The "free market" is unproven, deeply flawed in theory, and empirically unsupportable. And that is precisely why it cannot, and is not, taught "side by side" with a science like Intelligent Design in our classrooms.

And certainly not in my classroom.

Book Review: Positively American by Senator Chuck Schumer

2007-01-22T17:53:00.000-08:00

I have a dirty little secret: Like many people who I greatly respect, I read very few books. Who has the time when you are obligated to change the trajectory of humankind?

But I have read an advance copy of Senator Chuck "Chuck" Schumer's new book, Positively American.

Or, at least I read the blurb on the jacket. This, I feel, is sufficient to understand the book -- and also sufficient to flatter Senator Schumer (who has no PhDs) with the knowledge that a triple PhD has read his book!

I will cut to the essence of the book:

For example, he [that is, Senator Schumer -- Prof K, Phd^3] proposes to:

• increase the number of college graduates by 50%

• reduce property taxes by 50%

In my view, Senator Schumer has proven again that he is a heavyweight. (Or, actually, to use a less-offensive term, he is "weight-gifted".)

Few initiatives are more essential than raising the number of college graduates, which, I may add, also requires an increase in the number of college professors. Or at least it will require a well-earned pay increase for existing professors.

What needs to be understood is that raising the number of college graduates is not a means to accomplishing anything else. In fact, it is a necessary end in itself. We must have more college graduates. It's that simple. As Senator Schumer says. In his book.

Regarding the other half of his book, I endorse the idea of reducing property taxes by 50% because this will require reducing the amount of private property by 50%. Our goal is to reduce property taxes by 100% by abolishing all private property.

I recommend Senator Schumer's book to you, and I will assign it to my students.

Martin Luther King Week & Wal-Mart

2007-01-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

We are now approaching the end of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Week.

In observance, my classes this week are silent. A blissful hour of deathly silence, where we sit, without saying a word, and contemplate what could have been. And during the last ten minutes, we all weep.

We began preparation for this week in early January, immediately following the Kwanzaa Holiday. We discussed Dr. King's legacy for two weeks, and we will spend the entirety of February in observance of Black History Month -- where Dr. King's deeds will be a central focus.

Last year, we commemorated Black History Month by exploring how everything we have can be traced to slavery. As you might imagine, one month is hardly sufficient to trace the history of each item, but we did study how the things we take for granted are attributable to the slaves -- scientific proof that we owe everything to the slaves! In fact, my students were each assigned a paper that detailed the different contributions of slavery to the modern world.

If I were judgmental, every paper would have received an A+++! Everyone is the best!

Here is the list of slavery-related advances that they wrote about:

- Cotton shirts
- Steam engines
- Electric fans
- Petroleum jelly
- Sewing machines
- Pep-O-Mint
- Morse Code
- Kerosene heaters
- Classical music
- Perforated paper towels
- Pasteurized milk
- Transparent tape
- Electric soap dispensers
- Laparoscopic surgery
- Tattoo ink
- Rawhide chew toys
- Self-sealing envelopes
- Listerine
- Fruit labels
- Corrugated potato chips
- Dianetics
- Styrofoam peanuts
- Feminine hygiene products
- WD-40
- Long division
- Ramen noodles
- iPhones

This year, we will commemorate Black History Month by playing "role reversal"; i.e., each white student will pretend to be black, and each student of color will pretend to be a sadistic slave-owning Ice Monster. This will enable every ice student to at least begin to understand what Persons of Color must endure on a daily basis. (If this is successful, we will have similar role-reversals during Islamic History Month, and will see how much pain the role-reversed ice-students can endure at the hands of the Islamic "Zionists" before they reach for their government-subsidized suicide belts.)

Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, the Wal-Mart Killing Machine is continuing to grind their slaves into blood-soaked piles of human flesh:

Court Rejects Maryland's Anti-Wal-Mart Law

A federal appeals court on Wednesday said the State of Maryland may not require large retailers (Wal-Mart was the target) to spend 8 percent of their payrolls on health care for employees.

This says: Wal-Mart will continue to pile children's' corpses in their parking lots. This is not what Dr. Martin Luther King would have wanted. Therefore, if you defend Wal-Mart, you are attacking Dr. Martin Luther King. (Believe me, I've had students expelled for far lesser crimes than that.)

Did you know that all Wal-Mart stores are open on Martin Luther King week? As Dr. King rests in his grave, the Wal-Mart slavedrivers are still raping him! Why do we tolerate this? As Dr. King's fellow PhD (although I must point out that I possess three times as many degrees), I feel as though I am in his grave, being raped by Wal-Mart. Over and over, in my grave, being raped by Wal-Mart. Suffering the most hideous indignities and sexual violations in my place of rest. I am trapped by the insatiable Arkansas Monster and cannot fight back, for I am dead.

When will the people save me? In the name of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, PhD, these atrocities cannot go unpunished.

This is my dream.

Bush: Let's Send 20,000 Helpless Children to Their Death

2007-01-11T15:39:00.000-08:00

I did not watch our Chimpanzee-in-Chief make his appalling speech last night; I simply have too many other things to do.

But I will still express my horror that Adolph Bush has ordered the deportation of 20,000 soldiers...our helpless children!...to their deaths in his vast extermination camp in Iraq.

The solution is clear: We need to support our troops by bringing them home and placing them in taxpayer-funded public daycare centers.

I care about children. And I support the troops. And our troops are just...babies! Babies being led to slaughter.

We must welcome them home, feed them mashed bananas, give them lifetime benefits, and prosecute them for war crimes.

They might be babies, but they are also part of the iron-fisted imperialistic Amerikkkan war machine. Our only hope is through 75th-trimester abortions; it's what we won in Roe vs. Wade.

We must protect our babies from harm, but we must also recognize them as killers.

Is that too hard to understand?

A New Blog That's About Me!

2007-01-10T19:09:00.000-08:00

Here's a new blog that's devoted to comparing me with the racist filth of the Libertarian National Party.

Apparently, this is part of a class assignment where the pupils critique blogs that are opposite in nature. I salute the professor who gave this assignment, and approve of his student's decision to compare my teachings with "libertarian" propaganda.

But, as I am also a professor (and one with many more PhD's to be sure!), I will help this student.

Young man...the main differences between myself and the enemy who you compare me with are the following:

A) I love humanity, and that is why they need strong leadership to guide them. The enemy believes that people know what's best for themselves.

B) We are all equal, and anyone who does not recognize this must be punished. All discrimination must be outlawed -- whether it's based on race, religion, gender, gender preference, veteran's status, height, weight, criminal record, or any abilities either natural or learned. The enemy believes that individuals can choose with whom they associate.

C) There is no such thing as an "individual". We are a large undifferentiated collective mass. No one has the right to be different from anyone else. However, I support diversity! The enemy fails to understand this.

D) I admire Stalin, Pol Pot, Castro, Chavez, and Kim Jong-Il. The enemy admires Hitler and his wife Ayn Rand.

E) I believe that materialism is evil and that the working class deserves more money. The enemy fails to understand this, too.

F) I believe that we must all follow the orders of the state, and I am also opposed to slavery. The enemy, unbelievably, cannot understand this either.

Again, I am flattered that another academy of higher learning has selected my teachings as representative of the progressive agenda.

I see some future PhDs in the making!

Kathy on The Minimum Wage

2007-01-09T18:40:00.000-08:00

My graduate student Kathy has taken a great leap towards earning her first PhD with some original research on the minimum wage.

It's an astounding piece of scholarship that I urge you to read.

Perhaps I will offer her an opportunity to teach a course or two.

Musings on Other Cultures XVI: Nepalese Slaves Paid in Rice, Return to Their Masters

2007-01-07T16:08:00.000-08:00

Slavery was abolished in Nepal only in 2000, but unlike in Amerikkka, where slavery is still the backbone of the economy (a pdf report from the Human Rights Center documents present-day Amerikkkan slavery), at least it was abolished in Nepal!

The slaves of Nepal, it turns out, were paid in rice. (Oh, to be free from the shackles of money!) In fact, the interpersonal warmth generated by such a financial arrangement has led to the ex-slaves returning to their masters!

This, dear reader, is a happy story with a happy ending. And although I realize that there is no room for displays of joy in a world that is still filled with injustice, I nevertheless thought that a mention of Nepalese slavery would brighten up the day. But let us not take our eyes off the ball; International Zionism remains the biggest threat to the civilized world.

If only Amerikkka could be more like Nepal.

How I Got Tenure

2007-01-07T05:50:00.000-08:00

I detest laughter, but even I had to chuckle when I read about how other professors are copying my technique for getting tenure:

Professor's Hunger Strike Ultimatum

A professor who was denied tenure at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has vowed to start a hunger strike on February 5 outside the provost’s office.

“I will either see the provost resign and my hard-earned tenure granted at MIT, or I will die defiantly right outside his office,” James L. Sherley, who teaches biological engineering, wrote in a letter to colleagues that he provided to Inside Higher Ed.

Daily Kos Debunks Minimum Wage Myths

2007-01-05T14:57:00.000-08:00

The Daily Kos diarists have once again developed an innovative solution to a vexing problem:

Societal Problem: People like George Will don't recognize what trying to live on $10,712 a year means.
Daily Kos Solution: Raise the minimum wage; i.e., make it illegal for anyone to work at the present minimum. Problem fixed!

The author of this entry, a justifiably angry (yet caring) person named "McJoan", is clearly a scholar of the highest caliber who knows how to fix problems! In fact, one can apply her prescription to other issues:

Societal Problem: People like George Will don't recognize what selling a used 1977 Buick for only $500 means.
DKos/McJoan/ProfK Solution: Make it illegal for poor people to sell a used Buicks for less than $10,000. Problem fixed!

Societal Problem: People like George Will don't recognize what selling dollar-store items for only one dollar means.
DKos/McJoan/ProfK Solution: Make it illegal to sell dollar store items for under $10. Problem fixed!

Societal Problem: People like George Will don't recognize what free access to Daily Kos means. (All that brainpower, and McJoan gets paid zero by her readers; talk about working for sub-minimum wage!)
DKos/McJoan/ProfK Solution: Make free access to Daily Kos illegal. Problem fixed!

I am pressuring the university’s administration, by legal action, to give three credits to any student who reads Daily Kos. Their government-subsidized tuition can be increased to cover the associated costs.

NY Times: Hamas Leader Tries to Halt Spiraling Violence

2007-01-05T14:51:00.000-08:00

One reason I am so informed is that I get almost all my day-to-day information from reading New York Times headlines.

Here's a headline from today's Times that explains a lot:

NY Times: Hamas Leader Tries to Halt Spiraling Violence

"The Palestinian prime minister, Ismail Haniya, called today for an end to the internecine violence in Gaza, a day after members of his own Hama militia surrounded the house of a Fatah commander, killed the man and his bodyguards and seriously wounded his wife and brother."

Normally, I don’t have the time (or need) to read the associated article, but I noticed that, sixteen paragraphs later, the Times explains how Mr. Haniya will accomplish this halting of violence:

"Speaking in another mosque today, Mr. Haniya called for Palestinian guns to be aimed at Israelis, not at other Palestinians."

Well, no kidding! How else can one achieve peace?

The Zionists must be stopped.

A Warm January Day = A Reason to Destroy Capitalism

2007-01-04T15:38:00.000-08:00

It was a warm January day today; is there a better reason to smash capitalism, and those who support it?

And we know why it was warm today: Global Warming.

And Science has proven that:

A) The Earth is getting warmer like never before.

B) This temperature increase will kill us all.

C) Killing us all is actually a good thing, as humans are blight on the planet.

D) Global warming must still be battled, for reasons that are too complicated for you to comprehend.

E) The best way to combat this global warming is to cease all human activity.

F) Point "E" is the reverse of Point "C", so you're probably saying, "Either way we win! Global warming will end all human activity OR ending all human activity will end global warming! It's win win!"

G) Capitalism creates global warming.

H) Our filthy rich Republican enemies, supported by the sneaky Zionist lobby, will not voluntarily relinquish their power to the people.

I) Street wars against our enemies are the only way to bring international socialism to the masses.

J) In the end, the working class shall defeat our enemies, and will return the planet to a cooler temperature by voluntarily depriving themselves of everything that is an output of human activity.

K) A state of harmony will finally be reached when everything is owned by everyone, everyone owns nothing belonging to anyone, no one owns anything belonging to everyone, and everyone owns nothing that doesn't belong to anyone's everything.

If you were unable to follow that, I doubt that a chart would have helped.

Listen, peeps: Few of us are thinkers; but you are fortunate that we exist -- and that we suffer immensely for you, the little people, my people, while asking for nothing in return.

How easy life must be for those whose sole obligation is to hear my thoughts. But it won't always be that easy; be prepared to sacrifice your meaningless possessions so that we can share a meaningful common destiny. You might die, but our spirit will live. And that alone should make you understand that your purpose in life, ultimately, is to help everyone else. Like I do.

Now turn off the heat and move in with four other families.

Two Deaths. One Monster. One Leader.

2007-01-03T19:40:00.000-08:00

Two Deaths. One Monster. One Leader. Many Comparisons.

Gerald Ford	Saddam Hussein
Weak capitalist lackey	Strong socialist leader
Physically unattractive	Bold chiseled features
White	Sun
Aggressive war mongering Zionist stooge	Protector of Iraqi people
Clumsy (as documented on Saturday Night Live)	Proud
Degenerate pasty-white children	Visionary and happy-go-lucky sons
Alcoholic wife	Loyal many wives
Stole money by not raising taxes	Generously gave to the families of Palestinian Martyrs
Cruelly refused to bail out New York City when it faced bankruptcy	Generously shared mustard gas with the Kurdish population
Finger on the "nuclear button", terrorized the world	Defensive construction of weapons-grade nuclear power plant for peaceful power-generation purposes only, destroyed by Zionists
Pardoned the ultimate criminal: Dog Nixon	Protected and helped resistance fighters Abu Nidal and Mohammed Atta
Attempted to defend Amerikkka	Defended others against Amerikkka

Saddam, we miss you...

New Ideas for Economic Empowerment

2006-12-29T13:39:00.000-08:00

Hope for the people springs eternal, as we draw closer to universal economic empowerment via new ideas.

First, from President Chavez:

He says he would “replace” capitalism with a system based on “solidarity” and barter, with a strong role for co-operatives and what he calls “social production companies”, which redistribute all or part of their profits to the needy.

And also from "Robin Hood" restaurants:

At a new breed of "Robin Hood" restaurants, diners pay what they can afford -- and what they think the meal is worth. These pay-as-you-can cafes have missions that are unapologetically altruistic—call it serving up fare Robin Hood style. "Our philosophy is that everyone, regardless of economic status, deserves the chance to eat healthy, organic food while being treated with dignity," explains Brad Birky, who opened SAME with his wife, Libby, in October. Customers who have no money are encouraged to exchange an hour of service — sweep, wash the dishes, weed the organic garden — for a meal.

Combining the two, we get a fair system of "pay what you wish, in barter." This is the ultimate in humanity: The replacement of money and the bourgeois "ownership" dictators with system of compassionate and caring.

And so, I chose to spark this revolution right at home, in the food co-op.

I wheeled my People's Cart (I will spit on you if you insensitively call it a "granny cart") full of groceries to the cashier, who then charged me $27.09. In the past, I might have reluctantly paid this arbitrary amount with People's Stamps (don't you dare call them "food stamps") that I accept from my students in exchange for higher grades. (Is this not fair that they should be rewarded for equalizing the distribution of People's Stamps?)

But this time, I simply told the cashier, "Mister Bush is a cold-blooded monster."

The cashier responded with, "Of course he is! That will be $27.09."

And I said, "You don't understand, do you? We just completed a barter trade. The co-op gave me food, and in return, you received my professorial opinions that are worth the value of my groceries."

The cashier laughed, and insisted on receiving so-called "money"!

I sternly told him, "Listen, you insensitive little idiot, this food is now mine. You can no longer make any of your racist demands on me!"

He then had the audacity to call the manager over.

I glared at the manager. "Oh, Mein Fuhrer is here! But I will not go quietly as other groups did to your extermination camps, you fascist swine!"

He then demanded that I pay in cash. But my spirit was not crushed: "You owe ME, Mr. Hitler! Not only did I barter my thoughts to your brownshirt cashier, but I also enlightened you to the fact that you are worse than Hitler. And you can even repeat my words to the needy, those who need to hear my words! In fact, my evaluation of your aggressive war-mongering is worth another bag of groceries, you uneducated filth! I doubt that you have a single PhD, let alone three!"

At that moment, an enormous cockroach scurried out from under my pants cuff; I must have transported it all the way from my apartment! It ran into my People's Cart and into the groceries -- and, being an animal, it contaminated my vegan purchases! Who can say whether its antennae might break off into my soy-soy!

"Well, I can't eat this shit now," I remarked.

I then turned over the cart, and spilled everything onto the floor -- including the cockroach (and two more that must have stowed away in the produce).

"You win this time, Hitler."

Saddened by the experience, I stomped on a tomato that rolled out of my bag. And then I stomped on a block of tofu. And then everything else. I smashed the food the way we will someday smash this entire capitalist regime!

I scooped up the smashed food and hurled it in every direction. "Clean it up, you Nazis! Clean it up!"

I will return again to claim what is rightfully mine.

A Holiday Message to The Guantanamo Resistance

2006-12-19T14:50:00.000-08:00

To My Brothers and Sisters in The Guantanamo Bay Torture and Extermination Camp:

Welcome to the Winter Solstice!

As you are preparing your observance of the solstice, please accept, from me and my students, our best holiday wishes. We understand that you have been subjected to numerous indignities, such as being served non-vegan meals and being denied proper receptacles for sorting various shades of plastics (and other man-made environmental atrocities). You are forced to wear uniforms that are made by slaves working without mandatory early-retirement benefits. You helplessly watch Amerikkkan military vehicles produce emissions that are melting the polar ice caps -- and you fear that no one has issued life preservers as the rising sea levels threaten to engulf your prison camp. And the transgendered among you are living with the insult of being denied the right to use the restroom of your choice.

All this demeaning subjugation and all this raw torture is being inflicted on you because you dare to speak truth to power. And because you speak for the people. And because you dare present yourselves with your rich olive hues in the presence of this murderous racist regime.

But just as the days will soon be growing longer, you too have every reason to be optimistic. This is because you are not alone. We are your fellow comrades in the struggle to end oppression, racism, sexism, occupation, and capitalism --and we stand with you, shoulder-to-shoulder, in solidarity with your mission to destroy the fascist Amerikkkan government and their Zionist puppet-masters.

How ironic. How ironic indeed! How very ironic that we are now the enslaved and you are our liberators. And how ironic that as our liberators, you are now being enslaved. And yet...how ironic, that once again, by virtue of our skin color, everything we possess is the product of your efforts. But yet, but yet, but yet...we must rid ourselves of all possessions, as material wealth is the antithesis of the revolutionary spirit. And it will be that spirit that shall liberate us, and will liberate you, and will ruthlessly crush our powerful oppressors. You see, these are the precise conceptual formulations and pleotheric frameworks that white people are incapable of grasping! But our peace movement will prevail, oh wonderful People of The Sun!

We must prevail so that we can all be liberated to forge a program of rapid self-extinction. The working class must be freed so that they can join the rest of this filthy human race as it melts into oblivion. Oppression commands liberation, and liberation commands extinction. May the working people prosper, but may materialism and prosperity be extinguished.

I do not fear violence. For violence in the name of Global Liberation is our most compelling device to express love for our Earth! And as Amerikkka is the sworn enemy of Earth, the stage is set for the final competition between Amerikkka and Earth. Between The Slave-Owners and The Slaves. Between The Capitalists and The Socialists. Between The Humans and The Species.

Hear my words, Oh Mighty People of The Sun! The Revolution is almost upon us! You will soon be free to join us in our final struggle!

But until then, I weep. I weep for the people. I weep for the children. And I weep for The Earth. I weep for you, my Brothers and Sisters of Color, who have been targeted for extermination. We have all read about so-called "genocides" of the past. And as a result of these lies, we have are now immune and indifferent to the real genocide that is happening today, to you. And I weep.

At once, I am the oppressor and the victim -- an irreconcilable paradox that will always ensure my destiny as a focal point for all of humanity. It always is, ultimately, about me.

A hopeful Solstice to you all.

I hate Amerikkka.

Sincerely,

Professor Peter Kurgman and His Students

Kathy on The Holocaust

2006-12-13T17:01:00.000-08:00

Kathy is getting ever-closer to her first (of many!) PhD's, with her Scientific Inquiry on The Holocaust.

I am Palestinian!

2006-11-27T16:04:00.000-08:00

I am Palestinian.

From the dawn of civilization, men have behaved cruelly towards one another -- raping, pillaging, stealing, oppressing, polluting, exploiting, profiteering, and so forth. This list of atrocities is endless. How are we to synthesize the suffering of humans? How can it be expressed as a single word? A word, indeed, that tugs at the heart and rests in the bowels of our collective consciousness?

Let me reveal an incident that happened in the food co-op yesterday. I was perusing the shelves looking for some ginger Soy-Moo to relieve a distressing gastric disorder, and realized they were out of stock. (Well, that's capitalism for you.) But I saw a glimmer in a floor crevice. What is this? Mouse droppings! I was tempted to try them because they were pre-digested and would therefore not be a burden on my constitution. But sadly, they were animal products.

Or are they? The co-op mice, I realized, subsist on organic food. So, their feces are, strictly speaking, organic. And, to make matters even better, mice feces are free -- the way everything ought to be.

I gave in to temptation, and knelt over. Then, I crouched onto all fours, lowered my head, and dragged my tongue on the floor -- and with the adhesion of epoxy, the droppings clung to my tongue. After moistening them with my salivary excretions, I swallowed. This was ecstasy. I immediately curled into a fetal position, emitted flatulence, and scoured the crevice for more feces.

And then I heard a voice. It was the store manager, commanding me to get up. Not even in Hitler's was there as grotesque a barbarian as the store manager. I stared back, from the floor. My beard was smudged with mouse excreta and my bottom was in a pool of some days-old spilled dairy product. I ran my tongue through the fecal matter in my teeth. And the store manager was violating my very being by denying my most basic human rights.

I started to tremble. My blood pressure rose. A liquid passed from my anal cavity. And I rose. Like a warrior with nothing left to lose, I rose. And I stared at Hitler. And I stared at the accumulating brownshirt customers. And as I summoned my every last ounce of strength, I felt invulnerable. The air was thick with tension and the aroma of my bodily excretions. And at once, I threw my head back, and raised my clenched fists and said softly: "I am Palestinan"

"Yes, I am Palestinian."

"OH YES, I AM PALESTINIAN!"

I wailed to the world: "SAY IT AGAIN! OHHHH YE-E-ESSS!! I. AM. PALESTINIAN!"

The Zionists of the food co-op were defeated! I threw off my shackles and in my triumphant delirium, I projectile vomited my digested feces onto the fresh produce. With stomach acids dripping from my beard, I exited from the food co-op, promising to never, never, stop fighting.

I am Palestinian!

Private Property is Theft

2006-11-23T19:28:00.000-08:00

Private property is theft.

In fact, there can be no such thing as private property because everything in Amerikkka has been the result of theft. Look at it this way: If something is stolen, then how could the thief have any claim to it? And isn't Amerikkka the biggest thief that the world has ever seen?

Now, how exactly has this theft occurred?

1. By stealing land. From the genocide of the Indigenous Peoples to the colonization of Latin America and the Middle East (with help from the insidious Zionists), Amerikkka has expropriated endless land.

2. By stealing resources. Oil in Iraq. Coffee beans in Latin America. Cocoa in Africa. The military invades, rapes the Indigenous, and carries the booty onto waiting ships.

3. By stealing labor. From slavery in Amerikkka to present-day slavery in Africa and Asia, Amerikkkans benefit from the work of slaves around the world. In fact, the Haliburton plants in Mali produce the mutagenic isotopes that are used to poison the Indigenous everywhere. For profit.

The above three items account for everything you see around you, from aeronautics to biotechnology to entertainment to telecommunications. It's all been stolen from the Indigenous Sun People from Elsewhere.

The solution, clearly, is to immediately nationalize every sector of the economy and ban all private property. Only then will Amerikkka achieve the greatness seen by other, superior societies where nothing was ever stolen.

I am, of course, referring to the USSR. Their land was immense. Their natural resources, from oil to farm land, were abundant. And their labor force cheerfully worked for the glory of The Fatherland. And the result, of course, was triumphant equality. Until they were undermined by the moron Reagan and his bag of filthy Zionist tricks.

If I were not tenured, I would move to an honest country, like Cuba, tomorrow.

Kathy's Thanksgiving Message

2006-11-22T14:47:00.000-08:00

I was very touched by my PhD-candidate Kathy’s heartfelt Thanksgiving message…

my mom said i ought to go fuck myself, but i said, like, shut your fat fucking ass up? u wanna see me have a fucking abortion right on the fucking dinner table, bitch? i'll fucking do it too! like, u ought to go fucking talk, with your murdered turkey?

She is my pride.

The rest of her message is here.

Genocide in Australia

2006-11-20T14:55:00.000-08:00

My recent post that discussed the necessity of restitution to descendants of slaves in Amerikkka evoked this comment:

Lexcen said...

"Prof, can you come to Australia, we need you to help our INDIGENOUS PEOPLE. They want our Prime Minister to say "sorry" for crimes committed by our ancestors to the aboriginal inhabitants of this continent. Your understanding and brilliant approach to this type of issue would be an asset to us befuddled and confused usurpers of this country."

To this, I say "sorry" is not enough.

Australia, like the Zionist Entity, is the rightful nation of the indigenous people. And as a filthy apartheid state (like the Zionist Entity), Australia must be returned to its true owners.

No, I have never been to Australia. But I have academic credentials that certify me as being far more knowledgeable than the sum of white criminals who have stolen other people's land. And my thoughts are magnified by my heart; a heart that sympathizes with the indigenous of Australia, as their numbers diminish at the hands of the murderous Ice People.

Here is what must be done:

1. The indigenous of Australia must reclaim their entire nation by any means necessary; I recommend rocket attacks on cities and defensive detonations of daycare centers.

2. Amerikkka must confess to its complicity in the subjugation of the Indigenous, starting with an apology for the CIA funding of the Australian terror state.

3. Australian Ice People must turn over all their assets to the Australian Indigenous, and then return to The United Kingdom.

4. The descendants of the murdering Ice People shall pay reparations to the Australian Indigenous in perpetuity. I recommend special income taxes, and perhaps yellow stars so that those liable can be identified.

I will do my part by acknowledging that I am a member of a group that has, throughout history, benefited from stealing from those without. I am ashamed to be one of them.