Thursday, January 18, 2007

Martin Luther King Week & Wal-Mart

We are now approaching the end of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Week.

In observance, my classes this week are silent. A blissful hour of deathly silence, where we sit, without saying a word, and contemplate what could have been. And during the last ten minutes, we all weep.

We began preparation for this week in early January, immediately following the Kwanzaa Holiday. We discussed Dr. King's legacy for two weeks, and we will
spend the entirety of February in observance of Black History Month -- where Dr. King's deeds will be a central focus.

Last year, we commemorated Black History Month by exploring how everything we have can be traced to slavery. As you might imagine, one month is hardly sufficient to trace the history of each item, but we did study how the things we take for granted are attributable to the slaves -- scientific proof that we owe everything to the slaves! In fact, my students were each assigned a paper that detailed the different contributions of slavery to the modern world.

If I were judgmental, every paper would have received an A+++! Everyone is the best!

Here is the list of slavery-related advances that they wrote about:

- Cotton shirts
- Steam engines
- Electric fans
- Petroleum jelly
- Sewing machines
- Pep-O-Mint
- Morse Code
- Kerosene heaters
- Classical music
- Perforated paper towels
- Pasteurized milk
- Transparent tape
- Electric soap dispensers
- Laparoscopic surgery
- Tattoo ink
- Rawhide chew toys
- Self-sealing envelopes
- Listerine
- Fruit labels
- Corrugated potato chips
- Dianetics
- Styrofoam peanuts
- Feminine hygiene products
- WD-40
- Long division
- Ramen noodles
- iPhones

This year, we will commemorate Black History Month by playing "role reversal"; i.e., each white student will pretend to be black, and each student of color will pretend to be a sadistic slave-owning Ice Monster. This will enable every ice student to at least begin to understand what Persons of Color must endure on a daily basis. (If this is successful, we will have similar role-reversals during Islamic History Month, and will see how much pain the role-reversed ice-students can endure at the hands of the Islamic "Zionists" before they reach for their government-subsidized suicide belts.)

Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, the Wal-Mart Killing Machine is continuing to grind their slaves into blood-soaked piles of human flesh:

Court Rejects Maryland's Anti-Wal-Mart Law

A federal appeals court on Wednesday said the State of Maryland may not require large retailers (Wal-Mart was the target) to spend 8 percent of their payrolls on health care for employees.

This says: Wal-Mart will continue to pile children's' corpses in their parking lots. This is not what Dr. Martin Luther King would have wanted. Therefore, if you defend Wal-Mart, you are attacking Dr. Martin Luther King. (Believe me, I've had students expelled for far lesser crimes than that.)

Did you know that all Wal-Mart stores are open on Martin Luther King week? As Dr. King rests in his grave, the Wal-Mart slavedrivers are still raping him! Why do we tolerate this? As Dr. King's fellow PhD (although I must point out that I possess three times as many degrees), I feel as though I am in his grave, being raped by Wal-Mart. Over and over, in my grave, being raped by Wal-Mart. Suffering the most hideous indignities and sexual violations in my place of rest. I am trapped by the insatiable Arkansas Monster and cannot fight back, for I am dead.

When will the people save me? In the name of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, PhD, these atrocities cannot go unpunished.

This is my dream.

1 comment:

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