Thursday, March 23, 2006

The Airtight Case for Human Extinction

I am a member of The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. Here is what we are all about:

Phasing out the human race by voluntarily ceasing to breed will allow Earth's biosphere to return to good health. Crowded conditions and resource shortages will improve as we become less dense.

You see, people are the enemy of Earth. Our presence has polluted the planet, and our greed has robbed other species of the valuable resources that they desperately need to survive. And because the ecology of Earth’s biosphere is paramount, the death of all human beings, as a species, is the only possible solution. It is necessary, it is humane, and it is right. This is what biology tells us, it is what morality tells us, and it is what mathematics tells us. To do otherwise would be wrong.

Of course, some people have objections to this. Naturally, Christians are horrified by such a prospect, but their influence is basically irrelevant because after human extinction, there will be no Christians.

A more serious objection would be the thought of a planet without the descendants of Professor Peter Alan Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD. This is not to be taken lightly, for even in Earth’s natural pristine condition, its rightful inhabitants would certainly need some guidance; recall that science tells us that visionary academics are needed to produce outcomes of perfect equality – which is a necessary condition for all life forms.

But also remember that inequality is caused by the aggressive colonialist fascists of Amerika and the Zionist Entity, which would no longer be a concern after human extinction. (Yes, yes, I know all about the claims that the Zionists are not humans – but has this really been proven yet?)

And finally, we have the objection that voluntary human extinction would be too slow. I agree with this, and would support legislation for mandatory human extinction. After all, why should anyone have the right to produce resource-consuming children?

Regardless, how do we do accomplish this? To avoid the extinction program being racist, white people must go extinct first. Fortunately, this is already happening, so we will soon be ready for the second stage, which is universal gay sex. Of course, there will be some exemptions from gay sex for those people who sympathize with gays, but do not care to indulge in gay sex themselves. In the end, though, I would predict just a few more generations until The Earth will again be pure.


Anonymous said...

Thank you for not breeding!
What a marvelous sentiment.

dag said...

Dr., Dr., Dr, your brilliant thesis has me sttutterring. After having absorbed the depths of your profunity, I think I shall forthwith drown myself in the gene pool.

Uh, Dr., Dr., Dr., do you knnow any girls who might find that an attractive pursuit with a guy my age, one slightly advanced but not quite over the hill but not in the dell either?

I'm just trying to do my part, you know, which of course you know, you being a dr., dr., dr. I should like to be those too if only there is world enough and time, but so far all I am is a phud. Not to say a dud. Perhaps a dude. Yeah, a dude in need of a gene pool splash. Or a spice? A slice?

Yes, Dr., Dr., Dr., it's been marvelous talking with you. You were so helpful. Thank you so much. I feel less Human now than I have in years. I owe it all to you and modern science.



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