Poor and Poorer

The fact is simply this: The poor are getting poorer, the middle class is getting poorer, and the rich are cleaning up – getting richer and richer on the backs of the poor and the poorer.

Every economist knows this and it can be readily backed up with hard facts:

• The inflation-adjusted wages of the middle-class have declined by 74% since 2000, lowering their standard of living to 1974 levels. (Hence, the return of eight-track players and vinyl seat covers.)

• 99% of all wealth does not intersect with the 1% excluded from this statistic, resulting in a grossly lopsided 99:1 Hoenig-Schweizer gamma ratio.

• The GNP-deflated stationarity indices have never been lower, thanks to Republicans stealing from the poor and giving to their capitalist friends.

• Normative cointigrative autoskedastic vertices, since Bush stole the election, compunctualize new lows in transinformatic generators. And the poor will not forgive us this time.

But where is the national debate on these issues? There is no debate because the opposition is afraid of the truth.

Yes, I can sit here and recite statistics for hours – but that will not be enough. Instead, I will need to recite statistics for years because our enemies are (correctly) intimidated by the force of a formidable academic who can embarrass them with their utter ignorance.

I know that the ruling class is reading this. And they are frightened. Petrified. Why? Because not only can I compose delicious one-word sentences, but because they know how stupid they will look if confronted with my expertise.

Here’s what would happen in a debate between me and a capitalist:

Professor Kurgman, PhD PhD PhD: The so-called “entrepreneurs” and “business people” became rich by raping, figuratively and literally, the honest union men and women.

Capitalist: This is nonsense. I hate homo-sexuals. I would never rape a man.

Professor Kurgman, PhD PhD PhD: Well, are you familiar with the Belzwig-Neumann projunctive correlates?

Capitalist: (Uh-oh, he is much smarter than me…) I must leave now, for I am hungry. Hungry for money! I need to find a woman, pummel her, rape her, take her money, and put her to work as a sex slave in my greenhouse-gas production facilities!

Professor Kurgman, PhD PhD PhD: This, I submit, is incontrovertible proof of the need for complete state socialism. Let’s put the scientists to work to make it happen!

And happen it will. Statistics are on our side. Now.