My Presidential Primary Endorsements

Democrat Endorsement

My first choice for Democratic nominee is Comrade Hugo Chavez.

I have already instructed my students (under the penalty of failure) to canvass streets, shopping malls, Wal-Marts, and all types of public and so-called "private property" with literature encouraging the people to support Hugo.

My students have told me, however, that most ignorant Amerikkkans (an oxymoron, if there ever was) do not understand that they can support Hugo, and instead feel limited to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. When I see such people, I scream at them, "What have you against Chavez, you swine?", and they are left dumbstruck, unable to answer.

Amerikkkans = Racists.

Nevertheless, of the remaining two candidates, I support Hillary Clinton.

Yes, these are uniquely historic times, when the president of Amerikkka can be a Brown Sun Person -- but as important as that qualification is, I believe that it is our turn as wymyn to propel ourselves to our share of power.

And besides, look at her plan:

"I have been listening to the voices of people across America."

"My measure of economic success will never be a single, dry statistic. "

"...we need decisive, experienced leadership to get us back on the right track."

"As president, I will not hesitate to take swift, bold action to address our immediate challenges."

Need I go on?

Republican Endorsement

Yes, they will all be dealt with later. But still, if John McCain is good enough for The New York Times, then he certainly passes my test.

For now.

"He was an early advocate for battling global warming."

"Mr. McCain was one of the first prominent Republicans to point out how badly the war in Iraq was being managed."

"Mr. McCain stood up for the humane treatment of prisoners and for a ban on torture. "

"He has been a staunch advocate of campaign finance reform, working with Senator Russ Feingold, among the most liberal of Democrats, on groundbreaking legislation, just as he worked with Senator Edward Kennedy on immigration reform."

And, he likes taxes!

If a Republican must win, then it must be McCain.

But he will be dealt with, too.