Musings on Other Cultures I: Toilet Habits

While lecturing my sociology students on the depraved culture of the United States, I was thinking about how simpler (yet superior!) cultures do things so much more humanely than we do.

Specifically, as pampered and spoiled Americans, we do not appreciate how the use of toilet paper depletes The Earth's resources and leads to the irreversible tragedy of global warming. And so, while Bush & Co. rape our planet, I for one will follow the lead of the caring indigenous peoples of the world and practice anal hygeine with my bare hand -- and preferably in a communal setting.

That is, I will do this as soon as regulations are passed that will prohibit the use of toilet paper by everyone. Just as my extra contributions to the IRS would be for naught unless taxes are raised on everyone, I will be fighting for universal toilet-paper prohibition...will you join me?

Or will you be an enemy of Our Planet?