Saturday, April 29, 2006

Democrat Door-Knocking Event Today!

Today is Neighbor-to-Neighbor National Organizing Day; we’ll be canvassing the entire country, knocking on people’s doors! And once we’re in their homes, we’ll convert them to our side!

Read the words of Governor Howard Dean:

“Thousands of volunteers will recruit hundreds of thousands more Americans committed to changing the status quo this year during door-knocking events in communities across America.”

Want to know what will be going on in your community? Go here and pick an event!

Me, I’m going to start early – maybe 4AM. And I’m going to push my way in and not leave until I am spinning with success.

Here are some tips for persuading ignorant people to join us:

A) Be sure to raise your voice; screaming and emoting will reveal your human side.

B) Repeat the same points over and over again; it’s like hammering a nail into a wall.

C) Don’t let them get a word in! You’re there to speak to them!

D) Point out any deficiencies in their house like the presence of labor-saving devices that replace union labor – dish washers, washing machines, electricity, etc.

E) If you are hungry, raid the fridge! It will show them that we are all about sharing.

F) Emphasize your academic background.

G) Demand to see five years worth of tax returns.

H) Remember diversity: If you see any children, boast how you’re a NAMBLA member – it’s your First Amendment right!

I) Demand lots of money; organizing isn’t cheap!

Also, remember to slap large non-removable stickers on their car when you leave. “Human Extinction NOW” is a good choice. Or maybe, “Driving this Car Pays for the Zionist Enemy.” And there’s always, “Fuck You and Fuck Your Hummer”.


shlemazl said...

Prof. Kurgman,

I would like to complement you on the sorrowsness of your research.

Great blog!

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