The Monster of Racism vs. The Goal of Diversity

While eating some cold tofu cubes in a Chinese restaurant the other day, I became enraged. Just livid. In fact, I demanded to see the manager, and when he appeared, I tore into him, "Where the fuck is the employment diversity in this restaurant? I'll bet everyone working here is Chinese!"

The manager pretended to be puzzled, and responded that, yes, this is a "Chinese restaurant".

A Chinese restaurant?

"Well," I continued, "Would you care to see a white-male restaurant across the street? A heterosexual restaurant? A Nazi restaurant? Do you realize that your so-called 'Chinese restaurant' is in violation of Civil Rights laws?"

And with that, I shouted, "You are under citizen’s arrest, my friend, for violating the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and any number of local anti-discrimination and hate-speech ordinances. I'll need to see some valid ID like a Medicaid card or a Section 8 Voucher. And don't even think of showing me a drivers license or any other symbol of environmental pillage."

And then, for some reason, the police appeared. Pigs! I haven't had a run-in with the pigs since everyone used to call them pigs -- at least when they weren't calling them "fuzz". But enough nostalgia, it was now The People against The Capitalist State. And I, The People, was not about to be defeated. Subterfuge was my only course of action: "Officer! Come quickly! I just concluded a citizen’s arrest against this hateful bigot who only hires Chinese people!"

The pig had a shallow expression that revealed a limited intelligence and violent nature. This was a mindless soldier of the ruling class; a robot whose only goal was to betray his working-class roots in service to the oppressors who will eventually destroy him too. Incapable of thought, incapable of reason, and certainly incapable of the advanced analytic thinking that only a seasoned academic can perform, this uniformed caveman could only utter the simplest of thoughts: "Aren't you the guy who was screaming in front the hospice last week about how they were discriminating against people who weren't dying?"

I was fast. "Yes, that was me, and that was also my class-action suit. On behalf of The People, I demanded free lodging at the hospice and they denied it on the bigoted assumption that I was not dying."

And then, I suddenly felt very alone, for I was without my attorneys. I turned to everyone and announced that I would now leave the restaurant, for I, judge, jury, prosecutor, police officer (!), peace officer, corrections officer, and above all, a triple PhD whose morality has no limits, decided that these racists and monsters should be pitied and released until I find better representation. I placed some tofu cubes in my rear pockets and left -- knowing that the world was just a little better off that night because of me.