Sunday, July 23, 2006

Professional Sports: Unbound Racism

When will we fight back against the racism of professional sports?

Here's an article (thank you, Mr. Shlemazl, it is good to see you coming around) that shows clear proof of such bigotry.

The World Cup was, in fact, very racist. Of course, I did not have the time to watch this event -- and even if I did have the time, it would have been better spent attending to professorial duties rather than such vulgar entertainment. But still, it is a fact that every team is owned by capitalist white men who exploit the labors of Sun People to do their bidding.

And come to think of it, isn't that what all Amerikkkan sports are all about? White dominance in the corporate office? Of course, most Amerikkkan teams are closed to People of Color; I am told that there isn't a single minority hockey player on any team! Now, you can say, "What about basketball? What about boxing?" Well, what about those sports? They are the very epitome of capitalist exploitation of starving young African-Americans so that they white ruling class can line their pockets with unearned profits. And that, my friends, is slavery. Twenty-first Century slavery, alive and kicking. And in the case of basketball, you should also consider the vile racial theories that support this game. Sure, notorious Nazis like "Jimmy the Greek" have been exposed, but we have a long way to go to achieve a true outing of the thousands of KKK members, Nazis, eugenicists, and other racial kooks who infest this game.

The fight begins at home.

Or in my case, at the food co-op. Because when I was there last week, I looked around and discovered, to my horror, that everyone there was white. The members, and especially the fascist managers, did not have a single beautiful black face among them. Only the young man wheeling a hand truck of avocados was a Person of Color -- hence proving that slavery exists right in my food coop.

I headed directly to the manager's office and swung the door open, trembling in an uncontrollable rage. Seated at a desk was the coop manager himself, a regular Dr. Mengele, undoubtedly plotting his next supremacist move against the most vulnerable amongst us, the People of Color.

In my rage, I sprayed the room with spittle: "You racist filth, why are there no People of Color in this store?"

He answered, "Professor Kurgman, didn't you promise to stay away after our little fair-wage 'debate' last week?"

I was livid. "That was apparently part of your plan, wasn't it? To suppress my freedom of speech so that you can execute your genocidal employment policies."

"Look," he said, "anyone can join this food coop, and I too would be happier if our membership was an exact reflection of the community's racial, ethnic, religious, and gender makeup. But you know as well as I that there are few African Americans in this neighborhood, and that, by and large, they seem to prefer grocery shopping at Kroger and Wal-Mart."

At that point, my bowels loosened. "W-W-W-WAL-MART?? You think that minorities should shop at Wal-Mart? You're a racist! Your'e HITLER! YOU'RE HITLER! HITLER! HITLER! HITLER!"

Other people in the store heard this, but I didn't care. Morality was on my side.

I was so furious that I completely lost control of my bowels. "HITLER! HITLER! AM I EMBARRASSING YOU? WELL, GOOD! THE WHOLE WORLD IS WATCHING AND THEY SHOULD KNOW YOU ARE HITLER! DO I SMELL BAD? WELL, FUCK YOU, HITLER -- GET IN TOUCH WITH NATURE!"


It was time to execute a sit-in in front of his office. So, I parked myself on the floor in front of his office and observed the all-white crowd in the food coop. And for once, I was perplexed. As the aroma of my fragrant vapors filled my nostrils, I sat, wondering why there were no People of Color in such a progressive establishment. Don't they understand that, as their patrons, only we can bring them justice? Don't they realize that only tenured professors and the progressive legal community can protect them?

For sure, all the white people in the coop shared my sentiments. Of course, with our busy schedules, we don't have time to shop at those exotic and honest grocery stores in Communities of Color. But were it not for circumstances beyond our control, we would like nothing more than to live amongst African Americans. They would look at us and know that we are on their side, and that we too despise Christians, capitalists, Zionists, and other white people.

And I wept. I sat on the floor, immersed in my precious bodily discharges, and wept for the African American community. I wept because we have failed to bring The Revolution to them. I wept because they are still in chains. And I wept because I hate our common enemies. How fortunate they are that I am on their side.

My sit-in lasted a full ten minutes; enough to make my point. I then lifted myself off the floor, adjusted my pants, and began my tour of duty at cleaning the salad bar.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING MY ASS OFF ROFLMAO ROFLMAO ROFLMAO ROFLMAO

You have given me a good laugh for today. You also confirmed something I, as a caseworker for the department of public aid, already knew. You live on handouts. You are a welfare rat.

You admit you stink to high heaven and I am sure the reason your "sit-in" only lasted 10 minutes is because that’s when the police showed up after that manager called them.

So lets put this together for the people shall we?

You frequent co-ops, which were made for the people on welfare and are used by the poorest of the poor who use their government issued food stamps to buy the produce. You admit yourself that you smelled BEFORE you discharged your bowls onto yourself.

You rant illogical ramblings on a daily basis such as "the Jews strap bombs on their teens and send them to blow themselves up, however, saddam hussein paid 25k to families of suicide bombers".

You blame your every failing on the Jews and the failings of your people also.

You my dear are what we call a crackpot. 100% certifiably CRAZY.

Anonymous said...

Hey "Anonymous" -

Lighten up! This blog is SATIRE, and is intended to ridicule left-wing idiots.

A.C #1 said...

Hah hah hah hah! Professor, it seems some people do not see the true meaning of your lessons. No doubt a community college grad.

Anonymous said...

I don’t find that it meets the requirements of "satire"

Insane yes, satirical no.

shlemazl said...

Of cause this isn't "satire". Do you really need a proof?

Well, "satire" requires sense of humour. Prof. Kurgman is Amerikkkan. Case proven.

Lexcen said...

How can anyone take this blog for anything "but" satire. I always have good laugh.

Professor Peter Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD said...

Mr. Lexcen:

I see that you "laugh" while others suffer. Do you see humor in the capitalist rape of our planet?

Unlike you, I will bear the burden of those who are not fortunate enough to "laugh", and will remain completely miserable until The Revolution.

Perhaps a hunger strike will be in order.

Prof. K

Lexcen said...

Prof. like, yu know,yur comments at me hurt very much. Of course I am like disturbed. I might even refuse to eat chocolate (as a protest) just to show you how serius I am about serius issues. I seriusly care about stuff,like war and vilence. So there, what do yu think about that? Go forth and multiply.

Anonymous said...

this site sucks

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