Friday, July 21, 2006

Conflict in The Middle East: Solutions

Now that we have identified the problems of the Middle East, it is now time to present some high-powered academic solutions to this crisis. And whereas the average policy maker is hard-pressed to find a single solution, I, with my vast intelligence, have developed eight solutions:

1) Establish Scientific Socialism. The tranquility of the late Soviet Union can be easily moved to the Middle East -- with the assistance of a violent revolution to terminally smash the ruling class and establish a workers' paradise where everyone will be the equal of everyone else, and everything we need will be free. Why can't the entire Middle East be like a People-of-Color version of The Democratic People's Republic of Korea? There are no wars among the Korean people!


2) Establish an Islamic Caliphate. Is there anything more peaceful than the sight of devout Muslims kneeling on their prayer mats, praying for World Peace? Imagine a world where the entirety of Palestine is legitimately occupied by millions of people who spend all of their time praying for World Peace. The force would be deliciously irresistible, and would spread throughout the world. Eventually, the entire planet will be occupied (in the best sense of the word!) by people who do nothing other than pray for World Peace.

3) Human Extinction. The true war is between Earth and its rapists; i.e., the human species. Extinction will save us all.

The remaining solutions are not as powerful, but will nevertheless solve the problem.

4) Zionist Surrender. It takes two to fight, and I therefore declare the Zionists "guilty as charged" for not surrendering. Total surrender and an iron-clad promise to never attack again (accompanied by a UN-enforced demilitarization of the Zionist state) would end this conflict forever.

5) Sue the Zionists in International Court. I have already lodged several lawsuits against the Zionists for their disregard of in
ternational law. In particular, I have demanded that all Zionist generals (and Arial Sharon -- no, I did not forget you) be airlifted to The Hague, where they can be tried under U.N. auspices, and hanged, for mass murder. Think: If everyone in the World Community sued a Zionist, we could have years of delightful litigation imposed on this illegitimate state. And come to think of it, wouldn't it be even more effective to simply file lawsuits against every Jew in the world? That would put a quick stop to their crooked lobbying efforts!

6) Defeat Amerikkka. Amerikkka is Israel's puppet. Or do I have that backwards? I mean to say, Israel is America's puppet. (See how crafty they are? Even I, with my legendary cognitive powers, cannot escape from the slimy ooze of the deceptive Zionist snake!) But one is always behind t
he other -- plotting and conspiring to unleash their blood-drenched war-mongering upon the most vulnerable amongst us. Amerikkka needs to be defanged, and fast. Wake up, peeps, and crash the gate!

7) Return Iraq to its rightful ruler, the Hon. President Saddam Hussein. (And charge Zionists Cheney, Rumsfeld, etc. with war crimes at The Hague before they too are hanged by EU observers.) What do you think my fellow progressives and I are yelling about when we take to the streets in defiance of the Iraq War? When we say that Amerikkka had no business going in, we mean that everyone was far better off with Saddam Hussein in charge. Remember, President Hussein was a calming influence in the Middle East; he knew how to handle Zionists:

For years Hussein wrote checks in the sum of USD 25,000 to the families of Palestinian Arab suicide bombers.

And he knew how to handle Amerikkkans, too:


8) Annex Amerikkka to Iran. In my learned opinion, I think that the nation of Iran could easily absorb the entirety of Amerikkka. The result would be a true global-spanning Iran with the Amerikkkan military at its disposal to quickly terminate all conflict in the Middle East. Overnight, the Zionist-Occupied Amerikkkan War Machine would become the Iranian Peace Machine, and that dumb fascist monkey Bush-Hitler would finally be reigned in and replaced by a caring leadership that has repeatedly demonstrated that they know what the word "restraint" means.

6 comments:

shlemazl said...

Quite agree.

The best solution is the final solution. A lot of people think it but don't dare saying it. Although it is becoming more and more acceptable. Sometimes I wish world finds another target... Oh, wait they did. AmeriKKKa. Still the good old target has not been forgotten.

Ah this comment is sad. I am looosing my sense of humour.

Anonymous from the previous posts, are you there? What do you think about it all

ForceTube Avenue said...

Perfesser, Perfesser!

I know I'm just a straight, male, Kuffar of pallor sitting in the cheap seats, but your introduction says you have seven solutions, but you list eight.

Is this a test? Did I pass?

Anonymous said...

lol the insanity rages on I see. Perhaps you should LEAVE America. That would help greatly.

Anonymous said...

Actually I have decided this person is not as crazy as they are making out to be.

I believe this is an attempt by an impotent man who has nothing better to do with his time than spew insane-hate filled- much biased garbage.

This is a little man hiding somewhere in America who is attempting to be a "big man"

I bet Viagra doesn’t even work for him.

His ravings concerned me for a nanosecond and then I realized he rages here because he is in truth very impotent and this is all that he can produce.

He has succeeded in one thing though. I do now see why the good people of Israel are doing what they must do and I am thrilled, YES THRILLED that Bush is sending those missiles to Israel.

People like this man who has three PhD's in Idiocy are a real threat to world peace and need to be stopped. I didn’t understand that until I read this ranting old (yes I am sure that he is old as well as impotent, not the claimed 57 but more like 87) fools insane ravings.

So Mr.Impotent Old Fool, I thank you for educating me as to why I need to support Israel.

Keep this blog up, I will send people to read it, all the people who don’t understand the threat to Israel. You will help me convert them and then perhaps we will all go become Zionists.

Let me thank you once again for helping the Jews. Your blog makes me understand them perfectly so you are doing a WONDERFUL job for the people of Israel here. By all means keep it up :)

Professor Peter Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD said...

forcetube avenue -

The introduction was clearly altered by the racist Zionist agents who own Google and Blogger. But, in an eruption of glorious revolt, I resisted their aggression, and changed it back.

Anonymous said...

Lol OF COURSE the Jews own google and this blog site and your error was their fault. In your mind anyway roflmao

I just saw on CNN that the Israel army has taken an injured Lebanese woman across the border into Israel so she can be treated. What ANIMALS the Jews are proving to be huh?

First they WARN the Lebanese to leave so they wont get hurt and then when one is stupid enough not to listen and gets hurt they cart her across the border to heal her. Oh those Zionists, how can they BE so cruel?

I also see that you ignore any posts that disagree with you. How apropos since you have closed your mind like a steel trap already. No sense confusing things with facts right? After all it’s easier to hate than to think rational thoughts, in your case anyway.

Lol too funny! blaming the Jews for your own typo. Are they the reason you are impotant too? roflmao roflmao roflmao

Palestine Blogs - The Gazette Subscribe in Bloglines