The Rape of Beirut: An Effective Distraction from Other Matters

The Zionists are a clever bunch. By sending their troops into Lebanon to rape women and impale babies, they have successfully changed the nature of our international discussion. The Zionist – Cheney – Fox axis has pounded their way into our collective consciousness to suppress other events.

But I will not be intimidated.

Let us not forget that there is still hope in the world.

From today’s news, here are some encouraging events:

North Korea hits out at "imbecile" Rice

North Korea has defended its missile launches ahead of an Asian security forum expected to focus on them, describing US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice as a "political imbecile" for criticizing the tests.

This was from the Korean Central News Agency, which also stated that Korea

“is under threat of attack from "the worst gangsters in the world"

At my next White House protest, I will be distributing a petition to replace the media monopoly FOX with the Korean Central News Agency. I will then instruct my students to send this petition to the FCC to demand that all Amerikkkan news originate from the KCNA. I will also instruct my students to demand a fair trial for Rupert Murdoch before he is shot for interfering with The Revolution. I will not be silenced!

And yes, as an accomplished and tenured academic, no one is in a better position to assess imbeciles than me – and I can confidently assert that Rice is in fact an imbecile. Like Clarence Thomas is an imbecile. Otherwise, all People of Color are my friends, and it my duty to nurture them.

Venezuela, Belarus seal "anti-imperialist" alliance

Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday he had forged a strategic alliance to stand up to U.S. imperialism with fellow maverick Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko. "Our countries must keep their hands at the ready on the sword," Chavez, in ex-Soviet Belarus as part of a world tour, said on a visit to a military academy. "The jaws of imperialism and hegemonism have both us and Belarus in their grip."

When I hear the name “Lukashnko”, I weep with joy:

Lukashenko runs a Soviet-style command economy.

And when I see these two giants of humanity pairing together in solidarity against history’s greatest threat to our cherished planet, I sob uncontrollably, convulse with delight, and enter a state of holistic tremors. I envision a caring and violent upheaval of the fascist ruling class (along with their materialist affectations, such as deodorant), to be replaced by cheering throngs of working people, toiling, toiling, toiling, and toiling. And toiling and toiling. And toiling some more. Again, toiling. Joyously toiling to meet agricultural quotas. Joyously toiling to meet mineral quotas. And joyously toiling to develop the means to defend ourselves from the onslaught of colonial invaders.

Thank you, Comrade Hugo, for pointing the way.

Hillary Clinton: "It's the American dream, stupid"

"A lot of Americans can't work any harder, borrow any more or save any less," she said in unveiling the group's "American Dream Initiative," a package of proposals to make college and home ownership more affordable, help small businesses, improve retirement savings and expand health insurance coverage.

Hillary Clinton is a kind womyn because she gives. As opposed to those greedy Republican monsters, Hillary will give us affordable universities and homes. As it stands, most universities and homes sit vacant and idle because no one can afford them. Once President Clinton opens her Package of Benevolence, everyone will be able to afford anything!

She will help small businesses, hopefully by demolishing every Wal-Mart everywhere.

She will improve retirement savings, hopefully by simply giving everyone lots of free money.

And she will expand health insurance coverage. Peeps, if there’s one thing that’s more important than health, it’s a Socialist Revolution. But, setting that aside, the other thing that is more important than health is health insurance. I want to come home to a small and pungent apartment that I share with many varieties of cockroaches, and see insurance policies everywhere.

All it takes is a stroke of the pen to make it happen. And a brave, brave womyn like our Hillary will do it.