Sunday, August 20, 2006

A Chronology of the Recent Middle East Conflict

Here’s a chronology of the latest Middle East conflict. There’s nothing new in it; it’s basically a rehash of what you have been seeing on CNN, the BBC, etc.

In the summer of 2006, the Zionist populace was getting weary of joint ventures with Intel and Motorola, and biotechnology inventions – which were all stolen from the Islam anyway. The ubiquitous attitude was, “To hell with technology and commerce; we need to murder Lebanese babies instead.”

And so, the Zionist war-machine went into action, launching hundreds of “boomerang” rockets onto itself – launched from Palestine into Lebanon, but “boomeranging” back into Palestine. The self-inflicted rocket attacks went on for quite a while, but nevertheless went nowhere. And then, one day, two Zionist soldiers ran into the unsuspecting arms of workers for the Social Service Agency Hezbollah, and said, “Bring us into Lebanon, so that we can kill your children for our religious rituals.”

The Hezbollah workers bravely resisted, but the Zionist soldiers prevailed, and invaded Lebanon. The Zionist Army was proud of this development, and directed their subsidiary Zionist news organizations, CNN and al-Jazeera, to publicize it. In fact, the army was so inspired, that they too decided to invade Lebanon to slaughter children. Or, as Prime Minister Ehud Olmert proudly proclaimed, “To the Lebanese people, we say, ‘We are not fighting so that you will offer us something. We are fighting to eliminate you.” Within two days, in fact, the PalestineLebanon border was jammed with Zionist cargo vehicles, returning with Muslim body parts to use in their so-called biotechnology inventions.

Needless to say, the entire civilized world was disgusted by this unprovoked disproportionate aggression. Powers of Peace, from China to Nigeria to Russia and France objected – and as role models for peace, they were of course ignored.

Meanwhile, the Zionist population used this war as a pretext to loaf. By the thousands, the descended into their underground dens of sloth, and passed the time defiling the Koran and celebrating the Mossad’s 2004 attack against school children in Beslan – of course disguised to make look like the work of Muslims. To quote one Zionist, “We keep lots of matzo in our underground resorts for the Beslan celebration. Between that and our 2001 attack on the Americans, it’s a continuous party down here.”

But finally, Hezbollah struck back by holding peace rallies. All over Beirut, one could hear the cries of “Peace Now!”, as Islamic clergy walked arm-in-arm with oppressed groups such as “The Transgender Alliance of Allah”, “Freegans for Justice”, and various lesbian organizations.

The effect was electric; soon, the Zionist invaders had to back down. Their guns and bombs were no match of the Islamic Words of Peace. Soon, the Zionists left – but promised to return for more slaughter some other day. And so, the Social Service Agency Hezbollah went to work, gaining stature as they quietly helping the victims of the Zionist War Machine.

As the war drew to a close, The Hezbollah leader, Sheik Hassan Nasrallah, in a powerful speech, pleaded for a better future:

“When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

1 comment:

Shari said...

This is hilarious!!!
Good for you...
I live here in Israel, and I
find especially fun the thought
of loafing around in the bomb
shelters. I'd been looking
for an excuse to get more time
off work!

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