Food Insurance...For The Children!

As horrified as we are at the notion of millions and millions of Amerikkkans lacking health insurance, consider this: No one has food insurance. This, peeps, is an outrage, and is undoubtedly the cause of mass starvation throughout The Racist States of Amerikkka.

Fortunately, though, I have a plan. A caring and compassionate food insurance plan that will ensure that the children will no longer starve.

Picture this:

You go to the local government supermarket that you have been assigned to. Once there:

• You will fill your cart with anything at all you desire -- restricted to items that the supermarket district has received approval for, from the Federal Department of Supermarket Services. Your items will also be subject to FDSS funding and availability.
• You will then proceed to the checkout queue, where a clerk will tally your items and provide you with a "Permission and Reimbursement Schedule" that you will use to request approval for each item you desire. One item per form, and black ink only!
• Upon completion of each form, you will join the Notary Queue (subject to humane working hours set by the Union of Amalgamated Notary Publics) and have each form notarized.
• You will then go to the Notary Public Reimbursement Area to have your notary insurance-adjuster examine your notary payments for reimbursement. If accepted, you will file a claim in quadruplicate and be promptly reimbursed for approved expenditures within a period defined as an open-ended number of working days.
• If the supermarket is still open, you will bring your Food Reimbursement Schedule, your Food Reimbursement Forms, your Notary Public receipts, three copies of your birth certificate, your Food Insurance Identification Papers, and your food cart receipt to the Assembly Area, where you will queue until further notice.
• Remember: The Food Processing Limitation Act guarantees that you have the option of being on telephone standby if your wait exceeds 90 days. It's your right!
• Persons with Social Security numbers divisible by seven can be excused if they donated to the Wildlife Fund.

This is my dream. A dream of universal food insurance. For the children.