Thursday, January 04, 2007

A Warm January Day = A Reason to Destroy Capitalism

It was a warm January day today; is there a better reason to smash capitalism, and those who support it?

And we know why it was warm today: Global Warming.

And Science has proven that:

A) The Earth is getting warmer like never before.

B) This temperature increase will kill us all.

C) Killing us all is actually a good thing, as humans are blight on the planet.

D) Global warming must still be battled, for reasons that are too complicated for you to comprehend.

E) The best way to combat this global warming is to cease all human activity.

F) Point "E" is the reverse of Point "C", so you're probably saying, "Either way we win! Global warming will end all human activity OR ending all human activity will end global warming! It's win win!"

G) Capitalism creates global warming.

H) Our filthy rich Republican enemies, supported by the sneaky Zionist lobby, will not voluntarily relinquish their power to the people.

I) Street wars against our enemies are the only way to bring international socialism to the masses.

J) In the end, the working class shall defeat our enemies, and will return the planet to a cooler temperature by voluntarily depriving themselves of everything that is an output of human activity.

K) A state of harmony will finally be reached when everything is owned by everyone, everyone owns nothing belonging to anyone, no one owns anything belonging to everyone, and everyone owns nothing that doesn't belong to anyone's everything.

If you were unable to follow that, I doubt that a chart would have helped.

Listen, peeps: Few of us are thinkers; but you are fortunate that we exist -- and that we suffer immensely for you, the little people, my people, while asking for nothing in return.

How easy life must be for those whose sole obligation is to hear my thoughts. But it won't always be that easy; be prepared to sacrifice your meaningless possessions so that we can share a meaningful common destiny. You might die, but our spirit will live. And that alone should make you understand that your purpose in life, ultimately, is to help everyone else. Like I do.

Now turn off the heat and move in with four other families.


shlemazl said...

I'd love to move in with 4 other families. You'd be amazed, but when I offered that to my co-workers they weren't very enthusiastic.

Red Tulips said...


That is because they are capitalist Zionist Amerikkkan supporting pigs.

Professor Kurgman, what do you do when the people you know (who you generously demand to live with rent free as long as you like) are such capitalist Zionist Amerikkkan pigs, and demand rent or otherwise refuse to house you? How do you resolve such ethical dilemmas? Help!

Professor Peter Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD said...

Red Tulips:

Anyone demanding "rent" is clearly trying to sabotage our Movement; i.e., these people are generally Zionist spies who must be firmly dealt with.

Furthermore, when everyone owns nothing and no one owns anything, then the entire concept of "rent" becomes a fiction. In fact, it's a fiction anyway: I have been on a rent strike for five years and will launch a class-action suit on behalf of all underpaid women against my fascist landlord for "irreconcilable racial battery" if he attempts to collect.

ts said...

I wish you guys would stop breathing because that to is a source of global warming! I've tried it but that only makes me out of breath and then i feel like eating more trans-fats

Bacon Eating Atheist Jew said...

I can't be blamed for trying to do my part. I've tried to convince my wife to allow poor strippers who are forced to pay rent to live in my house rent free, but she won't go for it.

It looks like I married a capitalist pig.

Palestine Blogs - The Gazette Subscribe in Bloglines