Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Religion vs. Progressivism

This table clearly shows the difference between religion and progressivism. The gulf between the two shows how far we progressives must travel to reach our goals.

Barbaric Religion
Enlightened Progressivism
Trusts an all-powerful make-believe god to make decisions to help us.
A benevolent government will make decisions to help us.
Idiotic religious rituals.
Recycling, protest marches, veganism.
God is watching and will punish you if you sin.
We are watching, and will protect the People from your hate speech.
Creationists claim that life is to complicated to have evolved; all was created by god.
Professors know that economies are too complicated to have evolved; all is created by government policies.
God knows everything.
Government committees and political leaders know everything.
God is good and merciful.
The leader is wise and kind.
Sacrifice for your co-religionists.Give all for your community.
Enemies of god will be dealt with.
Republicans will be dealt with.
Suffering will bring rewards.
Higher taxes will bring justice.
Faith trumps reason.
Global warming is the biggest threat to Earth.
Time-wasting religious services.
Productive community meetings.
Will not integrate with people of other religions.
Mingling with beautiful diversity at the farmers market and the food co-op. Buy local.
Compels non-believers to join.
Fight for labor unions; smash the open shop.
Incoherent and meaningless religious dogma.
Sustainability, empowerment, social justice, community action, grass-roots activism, and of course, progressivism.


shlemazl said...

And what about progressive religions? Like Islam?

Zionist Lapdog said...

Wait, so Jeremiah Wright is a barbarian?

comrade_tovarich said...

Dearest Comarde Doktor Kurgman,

May I call you "comrade"?

On rare occasions I have been forced to be in close physical proximity with neo-con reactionaries and fascists. They don't seem to understand that their kind should know its place and not enter Berkeley, NYC, SF, and other progressive, liberal, tolerant, and equality-loving areas.

Yet they do, and a few have even had the gall to ridicule my heartfelt work performing anti-Bush street theater, some going so far as to call me a "zealot," as if progressives could fall prey to the Culturally, Geographically, and Historically Appropriate Opiate of the Masses (e.g., Islam in Turkey). Thanks for proving yet again how superior progressivism is, how pure and "unzealous" and non-dogmatic it is.

In awe of your incisive reasoning,


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