Tuesday, October 14, 2008

"You Make It, We Take It"

"You Make It, We Take It"

The above slogan (which I advise Barack Obama to use) is catchy, truthful, heartfelt, and compassionate.

Of course, I am referring to Barack's pledge to ask the top-income 5% to return their stolen wealth to the bottom 95% -- who we, as benevolent guardians, must care for.

This rests on the basic economic theory that a society's health is best determined by how much rich people pay in taxes. In academic circles, we jest that "taxing is relaxing". (The humor in that phrase is derived from the fact that "tax" rhymes with "relax". To be sure there is nothing funny about the concept. And there is absolutely nothing to laugh at in hard economic times like these.)

Here is how we are all better off when the rich people contribute their so-called "earnings" back to the community: Say you are a filthy blood-sucking moneybags pig, like an owner of Walmart. And you make your money selling...what does Walmart sell anyway? Weapons to Zionists? Probably. So, let's say that a poor person comes into Walmart looking for a way to disembowel Palestinian babies...

Wait, this will not work! Zionists are rich, and are therefore not compelled to shop at Walmart.

So, let's instead say that a person of color is coerced by capitalist exploitation to buy their tofu at Walmart. Normally, tofu costs $10 per pound. (At least, that is what I pay at the food coop.) So, Walmart probably charges $100 per pound. This, clearly, is obscene. So, we (that is, the government) will apply a tax on Walmart. Let's say the tax is $25. Ha ha! Fuck you Walmart, you now have to add a $25 tax to the $100 price, and charge $125 a pound! See? The price was $100, but under Barack, it will be $125. But $25 of that is a tax, so Walmart loses!

At that point, Walmart will be forced to contribute that $25 tax to Barack and our new government, whereupon it will be used to further the greater good by establishing a national-service youth corps, purchasing windmills from government contractors, and investing in insured no-interest housing mortgages.

Nothing can go wrong with this plan. Ever.

Meanwhile, 95% of the population is protected because they are not being taxed. The tax is applied to Walmart instead, and there is no possible way this can translate into a negative for people shopping at Walmart. In fact, hurting Walmart is just one of many benefits of this tax plan.

When the rich pay, everyone wins.

Win, win, win, win, win.


Cross posted at The People's Cube

1 comment:

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