Monday, October 13, 2008

Economic Stimulus: Not Enough

The United States needs a new economic stimulus plan that pumps billions of dollars into infrastructure projects and budget relief for cash-strapped state and local governments, Democratic lawmakers said on Sunday.

This is why I, as a Capital "S" Socialist, support the Democratic party as the nearest substitute for a full-fledged people's utopia. The Democrats understand that the purpose of collecting billions of dollars of taxes is to provide "relief" for governments.

U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi last week said a $150 billion economic stimulus plan was needed to help counteract a faltering economy shaken by a paralyzed banking system and steep stock market falls.

Speaker Pelosi, as a scientific socialist, sure knows her science! As the educated among you know, the purpose of a "stimulus plan" is to unparalyze banks and increase stock prices -- as intermediate steps in the evolution of capitalism's inevitable demise.

Here's how it works: When people pay taxes instead of saving money in banks, the banks shrivel and die. Hence, death replaces paralysis. Furthermore, stock prices (which represent mass opinion of future profitability) would then increase for obvious reasons. You do not agree that the reasons are obvious? Then you are an uneducable Hitler-pig who burns crosses McCain rallies.

The Congress earlier this year passed a $152 billion stimulus package that provided tax rebates of up to $600 per adult to support consumer spending at a time of rising energy and food costs. Most of that money has already been spent, and many economists say financial turmoil will squeeze the economy into recession in the fourth quarter.

"Many economists, indeed!" Here, for example is a sharp analysis from one of my favorite economists:

"Not only is Wall Street frozen, but Main Street is in real trouble. A stimulus aimed at Main Street makes sense," New York Sen. Charles Schumer told CNN.

And he continues with a particularly apt gastrointestinal metaphor, which in fact reminds me of my last night's dinner:

He said the plan should "get into the guts of the economy" by boosting spending on infrastructure such as roads, sewer and water projects.

Of course. And I'm glad that Congress realizes that a mere $152,000,000,000 was not enough taxation to fix our economy. Many economists say that $700,000,000,000 would be better. And many of my professional colleagues say that $2,000,000,000,000 would be closer to the ideal. Of course, these well-intentioned academics and people's representatives are on the right path...but...but...if spending $152,000,000,000 or spending $700,000,000,000, or $2,000,000,000,000 is such a good idea (as it most definitely is), then why not simply take over the entire economy instead?

If public works projects are so helpful (as they absolutely are), then why not simply convert every human activity into a public works project?

Left to their own devices, people are far too inexperienced to manage anything as sophisticated as an economy. That's why experts are required to do the managing, the directing, and the thinking. It's for your own good.


Cross-posted at The People's Cube


shlemazl said...

I hear a well known columnist has won the Nobel Prize in economy for proving that the Republicans are fools.

What can I say? Congrats!

Do you think we shall live to see the glorious day when Karl Marx himself gets the big reward? And may I suggest that Adolf H would be the best candidate for the 2009Peace Price (posthumously).

Anonymous said...

Dear GOD you're full of it... "it's for your own good"??? It's people like you that get drawn and quartered by the rioting masses....

Anonymous said...

Congrats on winning the fucking Nobel Prize. You and Jimmy Carter. That prize sure is somethin!

Your pal

Dr. Leonid Fuku

Professor Peter Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD said...

Thank you, Mr. Shlemazl and Dr. Fuku, for recognizing that award accumulations are the same thing as pure academic achievement.

And, Ms. Anonymous: Please save the "GOD" talk for Christianist meetings.

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