Professor Obama Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

Knowing a good idea when I see one, I went to City Hall today to officially change my name to Professor Obama Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD.

Elated, I even detoured by the Marine recruiting station on my way home. As usual, I paused to display my exposed posterior to them -- though today I was also able to joyously sing that we won!

What a glorious feeling! We won!

I then took the liberty to projectile defecate on the recruitment station's front window. Listen to me, you murdering animals! We won!

Need more proof? Look at how President Obama already has a web site with a "gov" domain. He's not falling for any "wait until January 20th" Pinochet-style Republican trickery!

Still, it will take a long, long, long time to undo the Bush damage -- and especially his legacy of racism.

But at least I no longer need to move to Zimbabwe, as I was planning in the event of a McCain win.

And speaking of, I next went to the police station to find out when they will be arresting Sarah Palin for her crimes against humanity. The "officer" in charge then oinked in my direction, "Are you lodging a complaint?"

"Well, you bet I am! Isn't it your job to arrest enemies of The People?"

He then handed a form to me to fill out. I started entering my personal information...Professor Obama Kurgman...hey, wait a minute! This is a trap to send me to Guantanamo!

Frightened of what might happen to me, I accidentally (honest!) lost control of my bowels, which were transformed into reservoirs of a most liquidy byproduct of organic curdled Soy-Moo. Horrified at the thought of Bush himself attempting to capture me, I hurried out of the enemy camp, and ran home to my rent-controlled apartment.

I proceeded to defend myself by composing an academic paper on mythopoetical dialectic contstructs.

Bastards.

We won, but we must continue to fight.