I Dream of Senators

After I enjoy my nightly warm cup of curdled Soy-Moo, I go to sleep and dream. Most often, my sweetest dreams are of United States Senators. Yes, I also dream of the State Assembly and sometimes the sanitation district, but my most joyous nights are comprised of fantasy senators.

And I am not alone: A Dream, by Kos

Mr. Kos is clearly a right-wing zealot.

My dreams take me to more humane, and yes, caring, fantasy senatorial candidates, such as:

Lenora Fulani

Daniel Ortega

The late Gus Hall

Cindy!

However, I do agree with Mr. Kos on Bernie Sanders. In fact, some of my most vivid and wondrous fantasies include Congressperson Sanders.

I even meet Mr. Kos in my dreams occasionally. And I’ll bet that when he isn’t dreaming of senators, Mr. Kos dreams of me!

Meet me at the sanitation district tonight, Mr. Kos – we’ll go freegan diving, and then…who knows?!?

Iran, Iraq, North Korea: I AM SO SORRY!

Here's a heartbreaking message from Arkansas University Lecturer Alice Stephens to The Hon. President Ahmadinejad of Iran:

I'm very sad in my heart about some things that have been said about your country. I wish to ask you to forgive my president for some of the things that he has said - specifically, that Iran is of "the axis of evil." I don't believe that, and I want to break those words over this country. I break them. And I speak blessing over Iran, in the name of Jesus.

You can see this brave woman speak here.

Professor Stephens, I admire you. And in honor of your courage, I too will send messages:

*************

To The Great President Saddam Hussein of Iraq:

I am very sad in my heart that the war-mongering Amerikan barbarians attacked your country without provocation. Please forgive Amerika for their brutal murder of Uday and Qusay, and for the destruction of your benevolent leadership. All Amerikans want to put Bush on trial and sentenced to a small dirt hole. I speak blessing over your family, in the name of all humanity.

*************
To Your Highness, Great Leader Kim Il-Sung:

I am very said that, as you are deceased, you cannot be with us to admire the great country that you are still in control of. Please forgive the United States for threatening your people, but also please remember to smash Amerika, as you promised. I too want to smash Amerika. I praise your great nation; may you achieve glory for all eternity.

**************

Professor Stephens, PhD, I know that you must be suffering. Rest assured that I suffer too. We all suffer under this imperial so-called “president” and his genocidal tactics.

Thank you for allowing me to join you in communicating our feelings to the world’s oppressed.

Stop The Genocide!!

I'm not religious. In fact, all religious people (except Muslims) ought to be imprisoned. But I can think of no better way to express myself than saying THANK GOD FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES AND THE NEW YORK CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION.

Window Opens on City Tactics Among Muslims (The Times might charge to read this article because it costs money to defend a free press against Republican attacks.)

First off, we are lucky to have The New York Times expose the atrocities and crimes of Amerika, from Abu Grhaib...to Gitmo...to leaking Amerika's plans of aggression whenever they can. And we are lucky that The Times shares FBI, military, and police techniques to "combat terrorism". An informed populace is a progressive populace. And the vicitms of Amerikan crimes, from the Palestinian streets to the Iranian Parliament to the Saudi Arabian mosques are entitled, by the First Ammendment, to know the truth.

And now the latest horror: Mosque Infiltration! How DARE the police work undercover in the Islamic Community? How DARE they practice this GENOCIDE against benevolent Sun People? Oh yes, George W. Goebbels, try to smooth this one over. Bush, you filthy fascist thug, Hugo was right: You are far worse than Hitler.

Fortunately, The New York Civil Liberties Union has a fair solution:

You don't see the F.B.I. hanging out in churches and bookstores in Little Italy hoping to run into the mob, yet that's what the N.Y.P.D. is doing in Muslim communities in its search for Muslim extremists.

I agree. Let's put the F.B.I. in churches. Let's put the F.B.I. in bookstores. Let's put them everywhere; it's worked before, and it will work again. Of course, the F.B.I. employees will need to be completely replaced with progressive working class volunteers, but it will work. Let's put them in Republican Party offices, let's put them in the stock exchange, and let's put them in The Pentagon. (Or at least what is left of the Pentagon after Dick Cheney himself detonated a bomb in it on Sept. 11, 2001 to kill off people who knew too much.)

No more Islamic scapegoats! No more capitalism! And no more war against Sun People! Yes, Casey Sheehan speaks to me, too: "I'm with my mom and with you too, Professor Kurgman, PhD PhD PhD. Stop this war on Islam, but never stop fighting."

I promise: I will never stop fighting.

I detest Amerika.

Update: Mafia Bookstores in Little Italy

I had a student do some research on Mafia bookstores in Little Italy (Zip Code 10012) and here is what we found. The NYC Civil Liberties Union knows what it speaks of…Gangsters Galore!

New York University Info Ctr

Used Book Cafe

Scholastic Retail Store

Village Comics

Housing Works

Mc Nally Robinson Booksellers

NYU Professional Book Store

Mercer Street Books & Records

Untitled Fine Art In Print

Renaissance the Book

Science Fiction Shop

Oscar & Evelyn Inc

As a community, we must watch one another, continuously.

I Weep on Memorial Day

Memorial Day is once again upon us, and I weep for those whom we have lost. To those who perished in selfless service to others, I weep, I howl, and I wale.

On this Memorial Day, let's remember those who have fallen so that we may have.

Let's remember the brave Cuban people who risked it all to overthrow Batista and install North America's only socialist paradise (for now...).

Let's remember the youth of yesterday, who gave their lives to police thugs while protesting the Vietnam War. And let's meditate on the charity of those who assisted the Vietcong in their struggle against American aggression.

Let's remember the Cambodian Revolution, and its valiant efforts to protect them from American war-mongering criminal Nixon.

Let's remember the Cultural Revolution, and how so many gave their all in hopes for a World revolution.

Let's remember our fallen brothers and sisters who brought aid and comfort to the Sandinistas during the oppression of the tyrant Ronald Reagan.

Let's remember those brave leaders who died while serving their people, such as Enver Hoxha, Erich Honecker, and the murdered Nicolae Ceausescu.

Let's remember the history-transforming reign of the Late Kim Il-Sung!

But most of all, let's remember the atrocities of the late 1980s that lead to the formation of abominations such as "Estonia", "Armenia", and "Ukraine". Throughout the 20th Century, the brave Soviet People stood alone in the fight against fascism and solving the Zionism Problem. As one, they were the planet's best hope for universal scientific socialism , forming a moral barrier against the malevolent forces of capito-fascism. From the People's Revolution to the People's Necessary Sacrifices, the great Soviet People had a remarkable vision of equality and industrial production that will never again be matched. They identified their enemies and were embraced by their friends. They knew the value of work, and its rewards. They established a state where everyone had full rights and where there was no envy; i.e. a place where people mattered. A state with every modern luxury and no poverty. Luckily for them, they were immune from the poison of American culture. Sadly, they are no longer.

I weep on Memorial Day.

My Three PhDs

It has been brought to my attention that some people are unaware of the disciplines of my PhDs. Although the depth of my academic experience far transcends my degrees, my multiple doctorates are nonetheless irrefutable certification of my vast knowledge, certainty, and analytic ability. I challenge anyone to match these credentials.

- Sociology of Postdialectic Gender Ethics and Political Sexuality, PhD

- Desemiotic Cultural Paradigms and Peace Education, PhD

- Philosophy of Communal and Neocultural Distributive Ethics, PhD

Solve the Riddle!

Here's a cartoon that someone sent to me. Can you solve the riddle?

Here are my guesses:

1) These are two people of color (probably Latinos) who will be victims of systemic Amerikan racism.

2) Wal-Mart refused them health benefits.

3) Despite their healthy lifestyle, the capitalist damage to the ozone layer will kill them.

4) As gay men, they have been infected by the AIDS virus -- probably planted surreptitiously by Zionists.

5) The Bush/Cheney/Christian/capitalist war machine will kill them.

6) They are immigrants and therefore face genocide.

7) Their lives will be cut short by police brutality.

8) They are Palestinians about to be murdered by Jews.

9) They will be killed by globalization.

10) They are freedom fighters at Gitmo, facing execution.

An Open Letter to President Gore

Your Excellency:

I am frightened. Very frightened.

Because I have seen the trailer for your classic film, An Inconvenient Truth.

Your cinematic skills taught me that the future is one of “hundreds of millions of refugees”, fires, floods, earthquakes, tornadoes, nuclear disasters, and terrifying PowerPoint slides – all occurring within seven seconds.

You see, unlike you and me, most people do not know that ten of the hottest years ever were within the last fourteen years. Yes, that simple fact is too abstract for the masses of weak minds to understand – which is why I am glad that you mentioned it. But perhaps you should have illustrated that point by mentioning how the wettest ten hours all day happened to be in the last twelve hours? Or perhaps you should have used some simple sports analogy; e.g.., Baby Ruth’s (or whatever her name was) most home runs were in her third, fifth, and sixth or whatever seasons. What were the odds of that happening?

And yet I am concerned. Along with you, President Gore, I weep for our planet and how it has been raped. Just dragged in the bushes and raped! Repeatedly raped. In every orifice and in every way, in and out, in and out, in and out, raped, raped, raped and raped. With open sores in contact with putrid bodily fluids, and with violent screams of suffering and impending death, our planet, our lovely lovely planet, is now covered with hideous scars and is permanently disfigured, with its internal organs mutilated beyond any hope of recovery. Mr. President, I understand that, and I thank you for illustrating it so well.

But back to the trailer. Thank you for mentioning that the hottest year ever was 2005. Dammit, why don’t more people listen to you? We both know, that without the interference of humans, there would be no hottest year. All years would be equal. Just as all people would be equal without the right-wing religious zealots who stole your presidency. Yes, my President, you too were raped – just like Earth itself. And that is why you can empathize with the planet. Basically, you and Earth are feminine beings whose dignity has been violated. And believe me, I can sympathize with that.

But back to the trailer. At the 41^st second, you speak truth to power: “The scientific consensus is that we are causing global warming.” But, with all due respect, Mr. President, you forgot to mention the logical solution. Perhaps this is because you feel guilty about having children? Well, for the rest of us, there should be and must be mandatory human extinction to save the planet. No more breeding. Ever. Humans will never be able to foul this beautiful planet again.

But back to the trailer. The before-and-after pictures of Patagonia and Kilimanjaro with and without snow cover are startling. And deathly frightening. I, for one, have never seen any patch of land covered with snow – and then without snow! The juxtaposition of these landscapes made me violently ill, as I am sure it also made you violently ill. I vomited my cauliflower-and-tofu, Mr. President – and since your diet is just like mine, I know what a mess it must have been when you saw those pictures, because, with all due respect, Mr. President, your appetite looks much larger than mine.

But back to the trailer. You say that “temperature increases are occurring all over the world”. I verified this phenomenon just today, in fact, when the temperature rose an astounding ten degrees between breakfast and lunch! And yes, I too would describe that as “the biggest crisis in the history of this country”, just as you do in your movie!

But the money quote is when you point at a white shape and state that “if this were to go, sea levels world-wide would go up twenty feet”. And then, just like that, Florida, Shanghai, and Calcutta all change colors! And the “World Trade Center Memorial would be under water”! And then you show people in New Orleans and then an ice avalanche, and by then, I was completely petrified by amazement, fear, disgust, and loathing.

Mr. President, I am a very busy professor, swamped with responsibilities and burdens, and my hectic schedule leaves no time to see your movie. But that will not stop me from incessantly demanding that everyone I know (least of all my students!) see it several times. And I will make certain that they know why we are in such peril (humans, capitalism, Zionism), and what solutions are needed (human extinction, scientific socialism, and the destruction of the Zionist Entity).

Mr. President, your credibility is at a zenith, and your sharp and humane prescriptions for our planet must not be ignored. Our choice is simple: Listen to you, or suffer. And as much as I think we deserve the latter, we owe it to ourselves to follow the former.

Respectfully Yours,

Professor Peter Alan Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

P.S. Unlike many other people, I still admire your observation that "The worst thing we can possibly do is to cut off the channels of friendship and mutual understanding between Saudi Arabia and the United States." I wonder if you will clarify this in your movie with a statement like, “Regardless of the inevitable climatic devastation that you saw over the last ninety minutes, just remember that the worst thing we can do is to alienate Saudi Arabia.” I love you, Mr. President.

Parking Squats

As much as I’m an advocate of Eminent Domain and lengthy legal battles (they’re cathartic!), I also respect activists who simply take back the streets.

Parking it in the Slope

On Saturday, a group of Livable Streets advocates staged a "parking squat" in Park Slope. Organizers showed up in front of the Connecticut Muffin shop on 7th Avenue and 1st Street at 9:00 am, dropped quarters in two parking meters, unfolded lawn chairs and proceeded to hang out, drink coffee, read the paper and chat with friends, neighbors and passersby in street space that would typically be occupied by two lifeless automobiles.

Face it, peeps, cars are the enemy; they intrude on the space of the people. The streets belong to us, not to those hideous machines of destruction. And so, we will block the private motorists with our (and our toddler’s) bodies – remembering that the realm of macro consciousness is what postmodern radicalism is all about!

A casual inspection of the resistance participants reveals that they do not drive, and in fact reject all materialistic affectations. (And look how they turn their backs on the fascist Starbucks across the street!) Yes, they shop local – but I can guarantee that everything they wear, eat, and otherwise purchase has been delivered to the merchants by foot.

Next step: National hikes to Wal-Marts to do Wal-Mart parking squats. Imagine thousands of progressives, joining hands and squatting in Wal-Mart parking lots. You know, all this squatting makes me want to urinate, but, of course, you should never (wink! wink!) urinate in a Wal-Mart parking lot.

In solidarity, there is resistance. And in resistance there is struggle. And in struggle, there is solidarity. And in struggle there is resistance.

And Speaking of Gas Prices…

It’s a good thing that I took a picture of this Exxon station; what further proof is needed of the Cheney/Bush Axis of Terror?

Musings on Other Cultures XIII: Ethnic Badges

Lately, there has been a controversy over whether Iran is requiring Jews and Christians to wear badges identifying them as such.

Maybe it is true, and maybe it isn't. But there is plenty of evidence that such a policy is part of the great Islamic tradition. Remember the Taliban and the Hindus in 2001? (And we know what happened only a few months later, thank you, Mossad!)

"This is not something new. In fact this tradition has been in place since the times of the Prophet Mohammad for non-Muslims for their safety and immunity," [Taliban ambassador to Pakistan Abdul Salam] Zaeef said.

Saftey and immunity! The benevolence of such a policy is yet a further indication of how far behind Amerika is behind the enlightened people. Yes, we do have affirmative action, but that is only useful if the exploited population can be identified by their skin color. Or if they have a targeted surname. But sometimes, it's difficult to identify the target group without being intrusive; e.g., whither the transgendered?

Solution: Emulate our betters in other cultures and demand LARGE VISIBLE BADGES FOR EVERYONE. With immediate public access (a public society is a free society!), identification of race, religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, weight, political affiliation, medical history, relatives' names, and much more will be immediate and actionable.

I have a dream: That the progressiveness and caring of Islam becomes a dominant feature of our sick, sick nation.

I hate Amerika.

More Labor = Lower Prices

Well, I’m glad that someone besides me figured out that high payroll costs result in lower prices.

NJ Rejects Self-Service Gas

Dressler [executive director of the New Jersey Gasoline Retailers Association and Allied Trades] -- and other foes of self-service, including AAA -- argue the price of gasoline is kept low because of the presence of gas station attendants. Paying these workers cuts into the profits of big oil companies, who then avoid the state, allowing smaller companies such as Lukoil to remain competitive and keep prices down, they say.

No kidding!

And maybe if they paid the attendants ten-fold the minimum wage, prices would be even cheaper.

Of course, this brings us back to Wal-Mart. Supposedly, they “sell for less”. Well, if their management listened to any consultants with advanced degrees, they would know that they could sell for much less if they hired more employees and paid them much more. They ought to, in fact, hire lots of gas station attendants.

But in fact, these workers would cut into their profits, which would allow honest (and competitive!) mom-and-pop stores to instead hire these thousands of employees at ten-fold the minimum wage. Is this a utopia? You bet!

Up next for the Nation’s Debate: Laws requiring unionized elevator operators, ATM attendants, and personal toilet flushers.

Musings on Other Cultures XII: Eating Dogs

Dogs Popular on Chinese Dinner Plates

China is the world's greatest consumer of dog meat, eating as many as 20 million dogs a year. Many die horrible deaths in live animal markets. But in Beijing, Dog restaurateur Wang Qiming says business is good. "There are many who eat dogs. Before, young people didn't, but now they do." Dog meat is claimed to be a warming winter dish that's good for the circulation and sperm.

You might say, “Certainly, if cannibalism is acceptable, then eating must dogs be acceptable.”

And I say, “Not so fast!”

The trouble is that, morally, dogs have never exploited the working class, dogs have never spilled our children’s blood for oil, and dogs have never voted for Bush. Nor have dogs practiced union busting, nor have they oppressed the Palestinian people, nor have they secretly tapped our every telephone conversation.

Dogs do not practice genocide against Islam.

Dog-eating is practiced by the Chinese, who, although superior to white people (by far!), are not on the same plane as the truly oppressed in Africa and, until recently, Venezuela.

And yet. And yet, and yet, and yet.

We must remember that the Chinese culture is superior to ours – simply because it isn’t ours! True, they are being exposed to the wretched corrupting influences of capitalism these days, but The Party lives on – and will eventually return to the glory days of Mao.

In summary, opposing dog-eating is the equivalent of promoting a Chinese Holocaust.

I loathe racists.

Letter to President Ahmadinejad

Needless to say, President Ahmadinejad’s letter to that filth Bush is required reading not only among my students, but among the entire student body, faculty, administrative staff, and janitorial people at my university.

Also needless to say, my students prepared some genuinely thoughtful and touching responses to President Ahmadinejad. The best of the best was written by my favorite Ph.D. candidate Kathy, as displayed below.

*************************************

dear pres. ahmadinejad:

hi…i’m a phd candidate and i, like, so totally agree with your letter? fuck bush! i mean, your people elected you as their president, right? and i’ll bet you don’t tap their phone conversations, either.

i mean, i’m like so ashamed of being an american? i mean, like, where do we get off threatening you? and my professor says that middle east balance of power is just, you know, so tilted to israel because they have nukes and just bully everyone else. so, i just so totally understand why your people need protection. and we are just so with you! i mean, like, none of my friends like israel either. i don’t even have any jewish friends, though one of my friends has a jewish boyfriend, ok, and he is just so uncool? like, embarrassment much? duh!!

do you come to america often? because we, like, just had these awesome immigrant protests, ok? i mean, you look like a latino, so i’ll bet that you feel solidarity with our brothers (and sisters, yeah!) to the south of us. or, are they from the west? i, like, so can’t get my head into that compass thing sometimes! i mean, honestly, i don’t know, you know, where your country, like, is? i mean, maps are such a guy thing? i mean, like, my boyfriend knows how to drive to the campus without asking for directions, and i like, totally respect that? but i’ll, like, ask anyone and everyone 4 directions every time and we’ll just end up having really long conversations? i’m like, a really really really good talker? you should see my cell phone bills. cool!

anyway, like, whatever!

fuck bush!

my best to you and all the other iraqi people.

in solidarity,

kathy

Movie Review: United 93

I saw United 93 today, and I am angry. Angry at Amerika. Angry at Christians. And most of all, angry at Bush.

I know, I know...you are thinking: "But wasn't the whole 9/11 fiasco just a big hoax perpetrated by the CIA and the Zionists?"

Well, of course it was. But let's put that aside and look at the movie as though it represented a true story.

In essence, the film is very simplistic -- and hence it was produced for simpletons. That is, it presents two sides: The passengers and the so-called "hijackers". Regrettably, it employs the crudest forms of racism to portray the hijackers as the "bad guys". In fact, from the moment of the hijacking, the passengers exhibit the cruelest racial stereotypes to demonize the hijackers. Rather than accepting them as fellow humans, they view them suspiciously, and show explicit signs of fear and anger. One can only guess at how much better the hijackers would be treated if they were white and Christian! Did you know that Timothy McVeigh was white? Yes he was!

But then, not once do we see the world from the hijackers' perspective. In the film, the hijackers are confronted by rich capitalist swines in the first-class cabin -- who represent every vile aspect of this society from the exploitation of working people to profiteering to transgenderphobia. Who cannot but sympathize with the hijackers who see this society as the major contributor to climate change? Who cannot but relate to the hijackers' awareness of our cruel healthcare system that leaves children dying in the streets? In a society that so coldly turns away immigrants, who cannot help but feel the hijackers' rage?

But regardless of how you feel about the hijackers and their racist portrayal, the proverbial elephant in the movie is Bush -- or rather, his absence. Where was Bush? There is tension in the skies and Bush is nowhere to be found; the evidence of Bush's complicity is damning. Where was Bush? A Crusade erupts near the end of the movie, as the Christians attack the hijackers...and...Where was Bush?

The fact is that Bush knew. And his absence allowed the atrocities to occur.

In the end, the Christians disrupt the plane's trajectory, and it dives to the Earth. The pure virgin soil of Pennsylvania is fouled by this environmental catastrophe, and once again I ask: Where was Bush?

The movie ended, and I got up to leave, bored.

Yes, I cried when I saw Fahrenheit 911 -- I am always touched by Michael Moore's sensitive portrayal of pressing social issues. And I will tell you that United 93 is no Farenheit 911.

Incidentally, almost all the air-traffic controllers, the military, and the passengers in the movie were white. It was as though it was produced by the KKK itself. Now I think I know where Bush was.

I Go to Wal-Mart

I went for a bus ride today. It’s a statement of solidarity! The other passengers, like me, are the oppressed and the neglected. Their fight is my fight!

Anyway, I rode to the last stop and walked for about a mile until I found a Wal-Mart. I have never been in a Wal-Mart, and nor do I need to in order to know how they stain our society with their cruel and racist management. And so, I made a decision: I will go into Wal-Mart.

I entered the store, and was immediately “greeted” by a brainwashed agent who was no doubt intimidated by my righteous vibe.

I then stopped, frozen in awe of what I was looking at. For here, right in front of me, was the epicenter of capitalist oppression. As legions of uneducated shoppers pushed past me (with some very unflattering remarks), I gazed at the working class and their scars of exploitation.

I stood still.

I stood still and wept.

I wept for the unfortunate immigrants who were being underpaid. I wept for the sad lot of immigrants who were being fucked over by our criminal system of genocide against the working class. Hormonal secretions of solidarity were filling my every pore. My mind, as complex as it is, was being directed against my will into a state of pure rage and hatred. My very biological functions were acting against my body the temple, and I was never so determined to correct the injustices in front of me.

I marched to the service desk and demanded health benefits for myself.

"But you don't work here," they said in their typical sadistic manner.

"Your time is over, for I am an immigrant in your store!"

I had them cornered.

You see, I was not in the store earlier in the day. I was once in another part of the city. But today, I migrated on a public bus to Wal-Mart, and when I entered the store, I became an immigrant. A Wal-Mart immigrant.

And in solidarity with the immigrant protests of Workers Day on May 1, I too demanded fair treatment.

"As an immigrant, I demand payment! I demand a check for my health care! I demand a union-scale wage! I demand social justice!"

They gave a weak response: "But you don't work here."

"Oh really?" I said, as I knocked a jar of some non-organic food product onto the floor. Grabbing the phone, I yelled into the P.A. system, "CLEANUP AT THE SERVICE DESK!"

I stared at them: "Now I do work here. And I demand payment! And I demand a workers' takeover! And I demand your unearned profits! And I demand a boycott! And I demand advocacy protests and protests of advocacy and advocating protests! I DESERVE WHAT I DEMAND! WHERE ARE MY RIGHTS AS AN IMMIGRANT?"

However, I was fooled. Apparently, this was a "sting" operation, as a turned around and saw two thugs dressed in police uniforms. "Hello, Professor," said the whiter of the two, in his most mean-spirited Christian manner. "We haven't seen you in over a week. Maybe you would like to leave on your own?"

As always, I won the battle, and I will also win the war. No, we will win the war. As part of the oppressed class, I know the meaning of suffering, and it makes me fight even harder.

I left the store, weeping. Weeping for the ghastly annihilation left behind me, the grisly extermination of an entire class of people.

Thanks, Zacarias Moussaoui, for Standing Up to Amerika

Thanks, Zac, for standing up to the Amerikan imperialists; the people will always be on your side. It’s been almost five years since the so-called “9/11” incident, and in your honor, here are examples of how The People were on your side:

Support Human Extinction AND Become a Millionaire

Here's another reason for you to support human extinction: You can make money! Granted, this is an appeal to your disgusting greed, but I believe the ends justify the means.

Specifically, according to Salary.com, the chores done by a typical "stay at home" mother are worth about $135,000/year. Therefore, in eight years, the typical mom does $1 Million worth of unpaid work!

So, instead of having children, why not take care of someone else's children? According to these statistics, the typical nanny becomes a millionaire in just a few years -- and you can be that nanny! After all, if a family of breeders pays a nanny $1 Million over, say, ten years, then they will come out ahead. That is, their alternative is for "mom" to do $1 Million worth of unpaid labor in eight years. By paying you $1 Million over ten years, they get two years of free labor, and you become a millionaire.

Over a forty-year career, a typical nanny becomes a millionaire four times over!

Have I convinced you yet?

Our Solidarity with Iran is a Success

Our efforts paid off, peeps! Because the people promised to never attack Iran, Iran has reciprocated by promising to stop Zionist aggression! This is win-win! No war with Iran, and no Zionism! Our voice has been heard!

All we need to do now is to get our side into Congress.

And look what I found…a relevant comic strip for the little ones! Normally, I detest the Peanuts strip because of Charles Schultz’s odious Christian beliefs, but in this one strip, he was prescient.

May Day 2006: Immigrants Rights!

Yes, we are a nation of immigrants – except that the newest immigrants are treated worse than slaves.

And that’s why I am pleased to see that the immigrants are taking it to the streets! Solidarity with Iran and Palestine…YES!

It reminds me of Russian immigrants waving hammers and sickles as they arrived in Amerika. It reminds me of Cuban immigrants chanting “Fidel! Fidel!” as they arrived in Miami in inner tubes. It even reminds me of the 1940s Japanese immigrant rallies in California (“Tojo! Tojo!”) and the spontaneous outbursts of support for Hitler on Ellis Island among the recent arrivals from Europe.

But today’s immigrants are more deserving of respect, because

A) They are minorities.

B) They did not kowtow to the Amerikan authorities for “official permission” to live here.

They know, like you know and I know, that citizens of all countries have the right – no, the obligation – to make demands on the United States. And that this obligation extends to making their demands on Amerikan soil!

If only the rest of the world could figure out how to come here to demand things from Amerikans! Sure, anyone from Mexico can simply walk over the border. But to be fair, shouldn’t we extend a similar invitation to the people of great nations like Togo, Cameroon -- and of course Saudi Arabia and Palestine?

Incidentally, I am becoming displeased with the New York Times. Why do they only show pictures of immigrants waving American flags, like this:

Why do they hide the Che pictures?

In any event, economic theory proves that the best way to improve the lot of immigrants is to force employers to pay them union-scale wages and benefits. When something is expensive, it means it’s worth a lot. And when Mexican workers become expensive, employers will realize how much Mexican dish washers are really worth.

Just remember -- these are grass-roots spontaneous peoples’ protests!

"Their fight is not only for recognition and respect for their own rights, but for each and every working person here who is under attack by greedy corporations that wage war at home and abroad to meet their insatiable thirst for profits. What workers won in past struggles is being taken away."

Capitalism…no! Imperialism…no! Socialism…now and forever!