How to End the Iraq Quagmire

1. Bring the Morons Home. These are our children, and our future. And they will need to attend sensitivity classes for many years to remedy what they did at Abu Ghraib. These classes will be at the university level, which will accomplish the dual goals of A) Making college grads out of them so that they will never again join the military, and B) Allowing an increase in the tenured academic workforce.

2. Invite Iran to join NATO to resist international Zionist aggression. And, for that matter, encourage North Korea to join the European Union. Eventually, with the Zionist threat removed, the expanded NATO and the EU should be absorbed into the Warsaw Pact.

I will now need to wrestle with the moral dilemma of how to preserve the Sun People of Islam and Africa (including people in the West with Islamic DNA markers) while furthering the cause of human extinction to preserve the environment.