Monday, January 29, 2007

War on Iraq: Turning Our 25-Year Olds into 40-Year Olds

Our Fuhrer Bush has sent 1,049,000 soldiers to Iraq, and 3,067 died, according to the Pentagon's own damning statistics. That is, a full 0.3% of all soldiers sent to Iraq since 2001 have been killed. (You can see the death statistics here; I refresh this page every five seconds and stare at it for hours, weeping.)

So, the Iraq death rate is about 300 per 100,000 soldiers. But according to The Center for Disease Control (on Page 6 of the linked pdf), the overall death rate among all Amerikkkan children aged 15 to 34 is 105 per 100,000 males, and is 70 per 100,000 females.

That means: Sending your 25-year old baby to Iraq increases his/her chance of dying by about three times what it would have been if he/she stayed at home. It is asking your 25-year old child to absorb three years of risk into a single one-year tour of duty in Iraq. It is asking your 25-year old to face the same risk of dying in Iraq as a 40-year old who stays at home watching NPR.

In a word: Unacceptable.

Iraq is a dangerous place; your baby soldier would otherwise be at home, next to your bosom where you would ensure that he/she wears seat belts, does not drink, never rides on motorcycles, does not smoke, watches his/her cholesterol, avoids transfats, always uses a bathmat, never uses matches, does not fix electrical problems himself/herself, never uses ladders, always washes his/her hands, stays away from swimming pools and beaches, and eats a vegan diet.

Instead, they are sent to Iraq to die in Mr. Bush's Holocaust.

And for what?

For violently avenging the 3,000 "people" (i.e., Little Eichmanns) who fell victim to Dick Cheney's attacks on The World Trade Center and The Pentagon? (Assuming that it happened at all?)

For scapegoating a peaceful religion for Bush's murders?

For avenging the Democrats for daring to suggest that Bush stole the election?

I CARE about our troops and DEMAND that they come home NOW, with a promise to NEVER send them to war again; it is not the military's place to go to war.

Living through Nazi Germany was a cakewalk compared to what we must endure in Amerikkka today.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Capitalism vs. Intelligent Design

I've come to realize that although the term "socialism" exudes a caring feminine warmth, it does not address the cold male-obsessed drive for impersonal calculations. So, perhaps socialism should also be called "Intelligent Design" -- that is, a functioning economy and social system that can only be the product of Intelligent Designers.

Let's look at capitalist myths vs. Intelligent Design (ID) truths:

Capitalist Myth: "Free markets" evolve to an optimal economic efficiency

ID Truth: This is nothing more than a description of a cruel Darwinian "survival of the fittest" jungle. It is not possible for free markets to "evolve" to anything; only an Intelligent Designer can create things. Among other things, the principal of "irreducible complexity" states that a progressive state cannot exist if even one of its pillars is missing. Can you imagine a city without buildings? It could not function! Therefore, it must all be created simultaneously by an Intelligent Designer with a Plan.

Capitalist Myth: "Free-market" competition encourages traders to offer the best possible terms of exchange.

ID Truth: Free competition leads to the poverty of the working class. Only an Intelligent Designer, like the AFL-CIO, can bring universal prosperity.

Capitalist Myth: Freedom to design and produce has led to technological innovations; i.e., as better products evolve over years and generations, inferior products are driven out of the marketplace.

ID Truth: The ridiculous "evolution" process does not work -- and even if it did, it could be entirely bypassed if an Intelligent Designer (like the Democratic Party, or better yet, a Mao Zedong) legislates solutions from the start. Example: The intelligently-created Trabant was such a success that it hardly needed any improvements.

Capitalist Myth: Nations with the least government and an unscripted economy are the most advanced.

ID Truth: Nonsense. "Least Government" is a racist codeword for slavery and moral bankruptcy. Only an Intelligent Designer with an Action Plan could have achieved Cuban health care, Eastern European economic miracles, Turkmenbashi statues, and the humanity and clarity of Korean Juche.

Capitalist Myth: The history of The United States shows that free markets have been accompanied by improved standards of living.

ID Truth: To the extent that the Amerikkkan slave state has any respectable standard of living, it is because of its government's growth. (Econometrics states that when two things happen at the same time, it is because one caused the other.)

The "free market" is unproven, deeply flawed in theory, and empirically unsupportable. And that is precisely why it cannot, and is not, taught "side by side" with a science like Intelligent Design in our classrooms.

And certainly not in my classroom.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Book Review: Positively American by Senator Chuck Schumer

I have a dirty little secret: Like many people who I greatly respect, I read very few books. Who has the time when you are obligated to change the trajectory of humankind?

But I have read an advance copy of Senator Chuck "Chuck" Schumer's new book, Positively American.

Or, at least I read the blurb on the jacket. This, I feel, is sufficient to understand the book -- and also sufficient to flatter Senator Schumer (who has no PhDs) with the knowledge that a triple PhD has read his book!

I will cut to the essence of the book:

For example, he [that is, Senator Schumer -- Prof K, Phd^3] proposes to:

• increase the number of college graduates by 50%

• reduce property taxes by 50%

In my view, Senator Schumer has proven again that he is a heavyweight. (Or, actually, to use a less-offensive term, he is "weight-gifted".)

Few initiatives are more essential than raising the number of college graduates, which, I may add, also requires an increase in the number of college professors. Or at least it will require a well-earned pay increase for existing professors.

What needs to be understood is that raising the number of college graduates is not a means to accomplishing anything else. In fact, it is a necessary end in itself. We must have more college graduates. It's that simple. As Senator Schumer says. In his book.

Regarding the other half of his book, I endorse the idea of reducing property taxes by 50% because this will require reducing the amount of private property by 50%. Our goal is to reduce property taxes by 100% by abolishing all private property.

I recommend Senator Schumer's book to you, and I will assign it to my students.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Martin Luther King Week & Wal-Mart

We are now approaching the end of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Week.

In observance, my classes this week are silent. A blissful hour of deathly silence, where we sit, without saying a word, and contemplate what could have been. And during the last ten minutes, we all weep.

We began preparation for this week in early January, immediately following the Kwanzaa Holiday. We discussed Dr. King's legacy for two weeks, and we will
spend the entirety of February in observance of Black History Month -- where Dr. King's deeds will be a central focus.

Last year, we commemorated Black History Month by exploring how everything we have can be traced to slavery. As you might imagine, one month is hardly sufficient to trace the history of each item, but we did study how the things we take for granted are attributable to the slaves -- scientific proof that we owe everything to the slaves! In fact, my students were each assigned a paper that detailed the different contributions of slavery to the modern world.

If I were judgmental, every paper would have received an A+++! Everyone is the best!

Here is the list of slavery-related advances that they wrote about:

- Cotton shirts
- Steam engines
- Electric fans
- Petroleum jelly
- Sewing machines
- Pep-O-Mint
- Morse Code
- Kerosene heaters
- Classical music
- Perforated paper towels
- Pasteurized milk
- Transparent tape
- Electric soap dispensers
- Laparoscopic surgery
- Tattoo ink
- Rawhide chew toys
- Self-sealing envelopes
- Listerine
- Fruit labels
- Corrugated potato chips
- Dianetics
- Styrofoam peanuts
- Feminine hygiene products
- WD-40
- Long division
- Ramen noodles
- iPhones

This year, we will commemorate Black History Month by playing "role reversal"; i.e., each white student will pretend to be black, and each student of color will pretend to be a sadistic slave-owning Ice Monster. This will enable every ice student to at least begin to understand what Persons of Color must endure on a daily basis. (If this is successful, we will have similar role-reversals during Islamic History Month, and will see how much pain the role-reversed ice-students can endure at the hands of the Islamic "Zionists" before they reach for their government-subsidized suicide belts.)

Meanwhile, in the rest of the world, the Wal-Mart Killing Machine is continuing to grind their slaves into blood-soaked piles of human flesh:

Court Rejects Maryland's Anti-Wal-Mart Law

A federal appeals court on Wednesday said the State of Maryland may not require large retailers (Wal-Mart was the target) to spend 8 percent of their payrolls on health care for employees.

This says: Wal-Mart will continue to pile children's' corpses in their parking lots. This is not what Dr. Martin Luther King would have wanted. Therefore, if you defend Wal-Mart, you are attacking Dr. Martin Luther King. (Believe me, I've had students expelled for far lesser crimes than that.)

Did you know that all Wal-Mart stores are open on Martin Luther King week? As Dr. King rests in his grave, the Wal-Mart slavedrivers are still raping him! Why do we tolerate this? As Dr. King's fellow PhD (although I must point out that I possess three times as many degrees), I feel as though I am in his grave, being raped by Wal-Mart. Over and over, in my grave, being raped by Wal-Mart. Suffering the most hideous indignities and sexual violations in my place of rest. I am trapped by the insatiable Arkansas Monster and cannot fight back, for I am dead.

When will the people save me? In the name of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, PhD, these atrocities cannot go unpunished.

This is my dream.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Bush: Let's Send 20,000 Helpless Children to Their Death

I did not watch our Chimpanzee-in-Chief make his appalling speech last night; I simply have too many other things to do.

But I will still express my horror that Adolph Bush has ordered the deportation of 20,000 soldiers...our helpless children! their deaths in his vast extermination camp in Iraq.

The solution is clear: We need to support our troops by bringing them home and placing them in taxpayer-funded public daycare centers.

I care about children. And I support the troops. And our troops are just...babies! Babies being led to slaughter.

We must welcome them home, feed them mashed bananas, give them lifetime benefits, and prosecute them for war crimes.

They might be babies, but they are also part of the iron-fisted imperialistic Amerikkkan war machine. Our only hope is through 75th-trimester abortions; it's what we won in Roe vs. Wade.

We must protect our babies from harm, but we must also recognize them as killers.

Is that too hard to understand?

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

A New Blog That's About Me!

Here's a new blog that's devoted to comparing me with the racist filth of the Libertarian National Party.

Apparently, this is part of a class assignment where the pupils critique blogs that are opposite in nature. I salute the professor who gave this assignment, and approve of his student's decision to compare my teachings with "libertarian" propaganda.

But, as I am also a professor (and one with many more PhD's to be sure!), I will help this student.

Young man...the main differences between myself and the enemy who you compare me with are the following:

A) I love humanity, and that is why they need strong leadership to guide them. The enemy believes that people know what's best for themselves.

B) We are all equal, and anyone who does not recognize this must be punished. All discrimination must be outlawed -- whether it's based on race, religion, gender, gender preference, veteran's status, height, weight, criminal record, or any abilities either natural or learned. The enemy believes that individuals can choose with whom they associate.

C) There is no such thing as an "individual". We are a large undifferentiated collective mass. No one has the right to be different from anyone else. However, I support diversity! The enemy fails to understand this.

D) I admire Stalin, Pol Pot, Castro, Chavez, and Kim Jong-Il. The enemy admires Hitler and his wife Ayn Rand.

E) I believe that materialism is evil and that the working class deserves more money. The enemy fails to understand this, too.

F) I believe that we must all follow the orders of the state, and I am also opposed to slavery. The enemy, unbelievably, cannot understand this either.

Again, I am flattered that another academy of higher learning has selected my teachings as representative of the progressive agenda.

I see some future PhDs in the making!

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Kathy on The Minimum Wage

My graduate student Kathy has taken a great leap towards earning her first PhD with some original research on the minimum wage.

It's an astounding piece of scholarship that I urge you to read.

Perhaps I will offer her an opportunity to teach a course or two.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Musings on Other Cultures XVI: Nepalese Slaves Paid in Rice, Return to Their Masters

Slavery was abolished in Nepal only in 2000, but unlike in Amerikkka, where slavery is still the backbone of the economy (a pdf report from the Human Rights Center documents present-day Amerikkkan slavery), at least it was abolished in Nepal!

The slaves of Nepal, it turns out, were paid in rice. (Oh, to be free from the shackles of money!) In fact, the interpersonal warmth generated by such a financial arrangement has led to the ex-slaves returning to their masters!

This, dear reader, is a happy story with a happy ending. And although I realize that there is no room for displays of joy in a world that is still filled with injustice, I nevertheless thought that a mention of Nepalese slavery would brighten up the day. But let us not take our eyes off the ball; International Zionism remains the biggest threat to the civilized world.

If only Amerikkka could be more like Nepal.

How I Got Tenure

I detest laughter, but even I had to chuckle when I read about how other professors are copying my technique for getting tenure:

Professor's Hunger Strike Ultimatum

A professor who was denied tenure at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology has vowed to start a hunger strike on February 5 outside the provost’s office.

“I will either see the provost resign and my hard-earned tenure granted at MIT, or I will die defiantly right outside his office,” James L. Sherley, who teaches biological engineering, wrote in a letter to colleagues that he provided to Inside Higher Ed.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Daily Kos Debunks Minimum Wage Myths

The Daily Kos diarists have once again developed an innovative solution to a vexing problem:

The author of this entry, a justifiably angry (yet caring) person named "McJoan", is clearly a scholar of the highest caliber who knows how to fix problems! In fact, one can apply her prescription to other issues:

  • Societal Problem: People like George Will don't recognize what selling a used 1977 Buick for only $500 means.
  • DKos/McJoan/ProfK Solution: Make it illegal for poor people to sell a used Buicks for less than $10,000. Problem fixed!

  • Societal Problem: People like George Will don't recognize what selling dollar-store items for only one dollar means.
  • DKos/McJoan/ProfK Solution: Make it illegal to sell dollar store items for under $10. Problem fixed!

  • Societal Problem: People like George Will don't recognize what free access to Daily Kos means. (All that brainpower, and McJoan gets paid zero by her readers; talk about working for sub-minimum wage!)
  • DKos/McJoan/ProfK Solution: Make free access to Daily Kos illegal. Problem fixed!

I am pressuring the university’s administration, by legal action, to give three credits to any student who reads Daily Kos. Their government-subsidized tuition can be increased to cover the associated costs.

NY Times: Hamas Leader Tries to Halt Spiraling Violence

One reason I am so informed is that I get almost all my day-to-day information from reading New York Times headlines.

Here's a headline from today's Times that explains a lot:

NY Times: Hamas Leader Tries to Halt Spiraling Violence

"The Palestinian prime minister, Ismail Haniya, called today for an end to the internecine violence in Gaza, a day after members of his own Hama militia surrounded the house of a Fatah commander, killed the man and his bodyguards and seriously wounded his wife and brother."

Normally, I don’t have the time (or need) to read the associated article, but I noticed that, sixteen paragraphs later, the Times explains how Mr. Haniya will accomplish this halting of violence:

"Speaking in another mosque today, Mr. Haniya called for Palestinian guns to be aimed at Israelis, not at other Palestinians."

Well, no kidding! How else can one achieve peace?

The Zionists must be stopped.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

A Warm January Day = A Reason to Destroy Capitalism

It was a warm January day today; is there a better reason to smash capitalism, and those who support it?

And we know why it was warm today: Global Warming.

And Science has proven that:

A) The Earth is getting warmer like never before.

B) This temperature increase will kill us all.

C) Killing us all is actually a good thing, as humans are blight on the planet.

D) Global warming must still be battled, for reasons that are too complicated for you to comprehend.

E) The best way to combat this global warming is to cease all human activity.

F) Point "E" is the reverse of Point "C", so you're probably saying, "Either way we win! Global warming will end all human activity OR ending all human activity will end global warming! It's win win!"

G) Capitalism creates global warming.

H) Our filthy rich Republican enemies, supported by the sneaky Zionist lobby, will not voluntarily relinquish their power to the people.

I) Street wars against our enemies are the only way to bring international socialism to the masses.

J) In the end, the working class shall defeat our enemies, and will return the planet to a cooler temperature by voluntarily depriving themselves of everything that is an output of human activity.

K) A state of harmony will finally be reached when everything is owned by everyone, everyone owns nothing belonging to anyone, no one owns anything belonging to everyone, and everyone owns nothing that doesn't belong to anyone's everything.

If you were unable to follow that, I doubt that a chart would have helped.

Listen, peeps: Few of us are thinkers; but you are fortunate that we exist -- and that we suffer immensely for you, the little people, my people, while asking for nothing in return.

How easy life must be for those whose sole obligation is to hear my thoughts. But it won't always be that easy; be prepared to sacrifice your meaningless possessions so that we can share a meaningful common destiny. You might die, but our spirit will live. And that alone should make you understand that your purpose in life, ultimately, is to help everyone else. Like I do.

Now turn off the heat and move in with four other families.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Two Deaths. One Monster. One Leader.

Two Deaths. One Monster. One Leader. Many Comparisons.

Gerald Ford
Saddam Hussein
Weak capitalist lackey

Strong socialist leader

Physically unattractive
Bold chiseled features



Aggressive war mongering Zionist stooge

Protector of Iraqi people

Clumsy (as documented on Saturday Night Live)

Degenerate pasty-white children

Visionary and happy-go-lucky sons

Alcoholic wife

Loyal many wives
Stole money by not raising taxes

Generously gave to the families of Palestinian Martyrs

Cruelly refused to bail out New York City when it faced bankruptcy

Generously shared mustard gas with the Kurdish population
Finger on the "nuclear button", terrorized the world

Defensive construction of weapons-grade nuclear power plant for peaceful power-generation purposes only, destroyed by Zionists
Pardoned the ultimate criminal: Dog Nixon

Protected and helped resistance fighters Abu Nidal and Mohammed Atta

Attempted to defend Amerikkka

Defended others against Amerikkka

Saddam, we miss you...

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