I Didn't Realize There Were So Many Economists In Europe

Survey: 31% of Europeans blame economic crisis on Jews An Anti-Defamation League report published on Tuesday showed that nearly half of the Europeans surveyed believe Jews are not loyal to their country and more than one-third believe they have "too much power" in business and finance. The study further showed that 31% of the respondents across Europe blame Jews in the financial industry for the current global economic crisis.

I have already launched a lawsuit against economics textbook publishers that conveniently omit these facts.

Musings on Other Cultures XVII: Obama Sheep Sacrifice

To commemorate President Obama's victory:

Forty-four sheep die for Obama: To celebrate Barack Obama's election as the 44th president of the United States, Kurdish villagers in Cavustepe, Turkey, slaughtered 44 sheep. Then they wiped sheep blood over their Obama posters to protect the president-elect from bad luck."

You are probably wondering how this square's with PETA's Mission Statement:

"PETA focuses its attention on the four areas in which the largest numbers of animals suffer the most intensely for the longest periods of time: on factory farms, in laboratories, in the clothing trade, and in the entertainment industry."

Perfectly compatible! Clearly, this slaughtering removes 44 sheep from facing a cruel death in factory farms, torture laboratories, clothing factories, and for "entertainment".

In fact, such political speech and religious expression is a human right, guaranteed the world over.

Fortunately, the Christianists were unable to stop this event.

However, I fear for what the Zionist settlers will do to these villagers as they inevitably metastasize across the entire Middle East and into Turkey. They will be the first to perish in the genocide.

National Service: An Open Letter to President Obama

Comrade Obama!

Professor Obama Kurgman PhD^3 here.

And I would like to speak with you about your call to national service, as detailed on your official site:

President-Elect Obama will expand national service programs like AmeriCorps and Peace Corps and will create a new Classroom Corps to help teachers in underserved schools, as well as a new Health Corps, Clean Energy Corps, and Veterans Corps. Obama will call on citizens of all ages to serve America, by developing a plan to require 50 hours of community service in middle school and high school and 100 hours of community service in college every year. Obama will encourage retiring Americans to serve by improving programs available for individuals over age 55, while at the same time promoting youth programs such as Youth Build and Head Start.

I wept tears of joy at your wondrous plan to conscript people of all ages into community service!

May I suggest some excellent community programs for your consideration?

First off, I see that it is two days into your presidency, and the Zionist Entity has not yet been obliterated. What are we waiting for? Another Jenin Holocaust?

Here's a picture of what true community service looks like:


Now, imagine a ring of Community Service Volunteers protecting every Palestinian Community from the onslaught of vicious Zionist tanks. I'll bet we could conscript plenty of Volunteers from those fascist "Israel" Day Parades to lay down in front of the tanks.

For that matter, we also must send Community Volunteers to Iraq to stand down the remnants of the Amerikkkan Army. Picture Amerikkkan troops, poised to murder our Islamic brethren, and then...being intercepted by Conscripted Community Volunteers! It's Amerikkka vs. America!

I have already told my students that in order to pass, they will need to Volunteer for one of these details. In a separate message to you, I'll forward their addresses, Social Security numbers, and medical/credit histories. And I'll further indicate which ones might be from families that have not displayed sufficient respect for you during your campaign battle against fascism.

I say to my students: Turn in an enemy family, even if it is your own, and you will get a very good grade.

I also recommend that the Community Volunteers be taken from wasteful Nazi programs, like math, science, and engineering. Those are not subjects of the heart, and therefore those students will not be missed. Community Volunteer Service, as determined by The Democratic Party, easily trumps anything they do in class. Or in their fascist jobs.

President Obama, the youth are our future. They must be separated from the poisonous environments of their so-called "families", and be introduced into the one true family. We will remake them by erasing the toxins from their brains and writing fresh pages on their blank slates.

Community Service...it's the highest from of dissent! And patriotism!

Thank you, and stay in touch,

Professor Obama Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

The Genesis of Evil

This is the genesis of evil, the six points of depravity from which all other evil springs. (Click on image to absorb it all.)

My students are required to memorize it, and demonstrate their allegiance to it on exams.

The Genesis of Evil tells us that there have been very few true evils in history. In fact, I am hard pressed to think of anything other than these main Six Points of Depravity.

For example, there have been a total of three tyrannical empires in all of history: Amerikkka, South Africa, and The Zionist Entity. The 99% of world history without these oozing sores has been one of progress, solidarity, and community. But the remaining 1% has had an influence far beyond their boundaries.

South Africa, fortunately, is no longer its former imperialistic apartheid terror threat. But instead, the horrors of apartheid have been inherited by the Zionist Entity -- and its relentless holocaust against the Palestinian people. And since we are all Palestinians, we are all being assaulted by the Zionists and their control over the genocidal Amerikkkan military machine.

Rest assured that I will fight. And fight and fight. And fight and fight and fight. And fight for the things that we believe in and the things that ought to be. Fight, fight, fight. The only road to progress is through fighting.

Who Is Rachael Ray?

I have no idea whatsoever who "Rachael Ray" is, other than perhaps the second coming of a Rachel Corrie who is about to drink a cup of her own diarrhea.

I also have no idea what "Dunkin Donuts" is, other than it's apparently an environmentally proactive organization that sells sustainable waste products for heroes like Rachael Ray to drink.

I see there are three different grades, too.

And in solidarity with martyrs like Rachael Ray, I have a new look:


Barack: Which cabinet position am I entitled to?

The Presidential Candidates: An Analysis

Here is my assessment of all the presidential candidates; it is never too soon to start thinking about this topic.

John Edwards

Pro

- Understands that many Amerikkkans cannot meet the minimal standards of sustaining human life, and even more so after Katrina. He says that it is not enough to "ask what you can do for the 37 million Americans who live in poverty in your country; you should ask what you can do for the world, too."

- Will make health care universal, unlimited, and free by asking employers and taxpayers to pay for it all. Especially taxpayers.

- Accomplished trial lawyer; altruistically defends people against corporate interests.

- Former running mate of a dignified presidential candidate.

Con

- Does not call for the immediate, right-now, withdrawal from Iraq and an apology to the Sun People.

Hillary Clinton

Pro

- A womyn.

- A doer.

- We get two presidents for the price of one.

- Friend of the Arafat family in times of Zionist lies and aggression.

- Understands the subordination of so-called "individual rights" to the common good, especially when it comes to eliminating obscene oil-company profits: "We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

- Understands the threat posed by pharmaceutical companies 'My opponent is on the side of drug companies..."

- Anti-globalization and able to give hours-long speeches on it: "In too many instances, the march to globalization has also meant the marginalization of women and girls. And that must change. "

Con

- War-mongering war whore

Barack Hussein Obama

Pro

- African-American.

- Former Muslim: "Hussein".

- Clean and articulate.

- Won't take shit from enemy nations like Australia.

Con

- Not dark enough.

- Does not call for immediate collectivization of private property and imprisonment of class enemies.

Dennis Kucinich

Pro

- Would end the genocidal war in Iraq right now, immediately.

- Would create a Department of Peace.

- Would criminalize speech that interferes with The Revolution.

- Would create jobs, man, by eliminating so-called "free trade".

- Passing resemblance to Ramsey Clark.

Con

- Does not explicitly call for the destruction of The Zionist Entity.

This post will be updated as we learn more about these candidates.

Democrats to Enact My Agenda: Amerikkka is now Amerika

Election Day is over, and the Amerikkkan people spoke as one, against the cruel and selfish policies of Bush and his criminal cronies. From re-electing a genuine Socialist Congressperson to receiving the highest levels of international approval, Amerikkka is now Amerika -- as both houses of Congress have been restored to leaders with a vision of unity and diversity among the Amerikan collective.

And I weep. I weep with the joy and anticipation of the Democrats fulfilling their promises to the Amerikan people:

1. Raising the minimum wage. Hundreds of economists cannot be wrong; I recommend at least $500/hour to remedy past injustices.

2. Pull the moron military out of Iraq. And, please, follow my advice on how to end this terrible, terrible quagmire.

3. Open Amerika’s borders. And, again, follow my recipe, starting with the elimination of all customs controls and border checks.

4. Increase taxes. We will never become a wealthy nation until everyone’s incomes are completely taxed away.

5. Reduce interest rates on student loans. Preferably to zero. For that matter, force banks to loan money for nothing, too. But make them pay more interest to account holders. Or just eliminate all tuition instead.

6. Lower drug prices. Again, preferably to zero. Hell, just make everything free already!

I would like to add a couple of my own suggestions. I know that Speaker Pelosi is reading this, so I assume that they will be implemented.

1. Hang George W. Bush for high crimes against the World’s People.

2. Restore Saddam Hussein to the Iraqian Presidency. Amerikkka’s attack made everyone worse off; surely, restoring President Hussein will bring us back to that happier, pre-invasion period.

3. Form strategic alliances with Islamic nations to defend against Zionist aggression.

The collective voice of the Amerikan people has demanded change, and the will of the majority must be enforced. As any child knows, the majority decides everything for all of us. Majority wins.

I look forward to a new Amerika.

My Busy Schedule and The Revolution

Yes, I have a busy schedule this week, what with attending the Lebanon and Gaza Under Siege forum in Palo Alto tomorrow, the Anti-Minutemen Meeting in Fremont, and the climax…

…The Shame on Israel! Stop the Bombing! Protest in Downtown Santa Cruz. We finally found your WMDs, Bush, you lying bastard.

Despite international outcry, Israel, in cahoots with the United States continues to massacre civilians through the use of banned chemical weapons such as white phosphorous and conventional weapons such as cluster bombs.

But the good news is that my colleagues on the other coast are hard at work, fighting for justice: Petition Deriding ‘Israel's Aggression' Is Being Circulated by NYU Activists.

"The assumption here that it's Hezbollah that began this is ridiculous," one of the NYU professors who added his name, Bertell Ollman, said yesterday.

My juices are really flowing now. Fight for justice! Resist the fascists! Smash the Zionist-occupied Global Amerikkkan Empire and their fat-cat corporate oil-gorged Christian theocracy! People Power! People Power! People Power!

I smell The Revolution, peeps, and this time, it has nothing to do with my diet.

I think.

Conflict in The Middle East: A History

Consider this a free university-level history class.

From the beginning of time, there was a place called “Palestine” which was inhabited exclusively by the biggest gift to humankind: Palestinians. Their culture flourished, their peaceful people prospered, and their model nation was to become the jewel of the world. Their language was Arabic, their religion was Muslim (pronounced “MOOZ-lem”), but regrettably, all evidence of their governments, their currency, their laws, and so forth were destroyed. By whom? Keep reading.

***

In the 1940s, Nazi Germany was determined conquer the world. They had a two-pronged strategy:

1. Exterminate gay men
2. Defeat World Socialism

Led by Hitler, and funded entirely by Prescott Bush, the Nazis mercilessly committed atrocities such as having no concern for global warming and remaining silent on the issue of American slavery reparations. Fortunately, The Soviet People’s Armies defeated the fascists – even though they failed to liberate Western Europe in the process.

As a consequence of the European War, the Jews, as capitalist fascists, needed a place to regroup. And so, they attacked the most vulnerable people in the world: The peaceful Palestinians. Without warning, the Jewish invasion of Palestine commenced. Immediately, neighboring Arab countries tried to defend themselves against this invasion, but their pacifist ways led to a quick defeat at the hands of the violent and blood-thirsty Jews – who also exterminated most of the Palestinians.

And yet, the surrounding Palestinian/Muslim population remained at peace. Frequently, the cry “Peace be upon you, Jew!” was heard from the antiwar sanctuaries called “mosques”. Meanwhile, the Jews named their entity “Israel”, and named their imperialistic goal of Middle East (and world) domination “Zionism”.

Over the years, Zionist aggression has taken many forms. Certainly, the 1967 and 1973 wars of conquest were a major component of their strategy. But, more recently, they have been sending Jewish teenagers into the Muslim lands to detonate themselves as suicide bombers. (If you are unfamiliar with this, may I remind you that the Jews also successfully concealed the history of the Nation of Palestine.)

The Israeli parliament (called “Arabfrei” in German) has made the destruction of Arab Nations their only goal. Never mind that Arab countries were repeatedly offering land to Israel to make peace. (Remember, Arabs are Sun People, and peace is the essence of their nature.) When Egypt offered the Sinai Peninsula to Israel in 1967, for instance, the Zionist response was “Death to Arabs! Death to Muslims!” And the bombings continued, as Jews murdered Arabs on buses in Cairo, in clubs in Damascus, and in mosques in Mecca.

Then came “9/11” and everything changed. The Israeli secret service flew hijacked airplanes into the World Trade Center, The Pentagon, and a mosque constructed in a Pennsylvania corn field. (Assuming, of course, that the events of “9/11” happened at all.) The Amerikkkan president, George W. Bush, grandson of Nazi Prescott Bush, immediately exploited “9/11” to ally with the Zionist capitalist fascists in an all-out war against Islam, The Arabs, People of Color everywhere, and the Transgendered Community.

The Holocaust began in Iraq, where Bush began to conveyor-belt our children into the Middle East Death Machine. Army Rangers, Marines, and all the other military branches comprised of our helpless little babies, were sent into the grim muddled morass of the Middle Eastern quagmire. Without a plan, without hope, and without a shred of decency, the monsters of the military went to work in the new Abu Ghraib extermination camp, though they paused when a single brave woman, Mother Cindy Sheehan, demanded that our children be returned to our bosoms.

But the slaughter continued. The Amerikkkan drive for oil and the Zionist instinct for violent racial oppression worked in tandem to methodically annihilate our Islamic brothers and sisters. The Zionist rockets, thousands of them, were raining on what was left of Palestine and Lebanon -- until one day, a plea was heard from Lebanon. “Please, let us live in peace.” This cry was echoed in the highest levels of government in the beleaguered Syria and Iran. “Please, can’t we all just get along?”

Enraged, the Zionist war machine arose, and swore to obliterate any remnant of the Muslim world. The bloated Zionist pigs openly stated that their goal was world domination, and would not stop until their racist “Star of David” flew on top of every capital from Casablanca to Jakarta. Then they mercilessly attacked the Nations of Palestine and Lebanon, explicitly singling out civilians for death, torture, and the cruelest medical experiments. Worse than Hitler, indeed; this Jewish apple didn’t fall far from the Nazi tree.

The future is very grim. Amerikkka’s complicity removed the stabilizing influence of Saddam Hussein and his benevolent heirs. The cries of anguish from the European capitals are being ignored. The progressive demonstrations are not being effective.

But we can hope. We can hope for a return to a protective anti-Zionist umbrella of a reinvigorated Soviet Union under the leadership of President Putin. We can hope that the Iranian people will defend themselves from the Zionist nuclear threat. We can hope that the growing Islamic populations of Europe will be translated into political and military control. We can hope that assistance from a “white knight” such as Kim Jong-Il will be forthcoming.

And we can hope for the quick destruction of the fascist, capitalist, racist, homophobic, and sexist Amerikkka, the world’s second-biggest threat.

The world’s biggest threat is Zionism.

The Zionist Rape of Lebanon

Here is PhD candidate, Kathy, with her analysis of the latest Zionist aggression against the Lebanese People:

*************************************

and like i wasn't already fed up with zionist exploitation of africans, then they, like, kill them all? i mean, like, isn't lebanon in africa? so, this, like reminds us that zionists are racists? yeah, they raped the lebanon pyramids like millions of years ago, and don't give me your testicle-talk about geography because i don't have to read your fucking maps because i feel. and my feelings? ok? like, tell me that we need solidarity behind our lebanese sisters because they're like so totally progressive and the zionists are like so totally killing them?

i know all about fucking jewish history, because, like, i'm getting a phd? the jews, like, controlled all of europe and then colonized africa and, like, decided to kill everyone in palestine and run the world from there? and, like, they control all the oil now, so they're like the worst global-warming criminals?

yeah, i hang with some jews, like, you know, movement jews. they hate fucking israel and, like, really fight for palestinians? i mean, maybe they're not like really cool, but, you know, for jews, they're ok. i mean, like, they're not total dweebs? but, like, i don't want too many jews around because it, like, gives people the wrong idea like i'm racist? i mean, i don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. like, you know, like, if you don't like my cigarette smoke, like that's your fucking problem? and if you don't like my cell phone conversation, like that's also your fucking problem? so, like, i don't really trust movement jews because, like, you know, you can never tell when they're going to, like join with zionists?

and anyway, like, muslims are just so awesome? they don't take any zionist shit, or amerikkkan shit, or british shit, or capitalist shit? i mean, like, maybe i should become a muslim? or, like, try it for a year or something? i mean, like, i wear a keffiyeh sometimes, but i need more than that. like, i need to be fucked by a muslim? that would just be so cool, because, like, fuck you mom and dad? i mean, like, my parents are so fascist? when i see my dad, i go, "yo hitler!" because he, like, has a job? like, he's all take, take, take. how about giving something back to the community? but dad doesn't give to greenpeace or the local mosque, so fuck him.

anyway, don't those jews know that they shouldn't oppress the party of god? isn't that cool -- party of god? like, i party too, like i have lots of friends, and we all party whenever the fuck we feel like it? we have a fuck capitalism party, a fuck bush party, and a fuck amerikkka party where keep an amerikkkan flag on the bathroom floor for squishing our used tampons on as a symbol of how the iraq war is fought with our blood for the moneyed ruling class.

professor kurgman says that partying is, like, learning? so, i'm not all bogged down with writing papers and shit. but these lebanese brothers and sisters, like, have a big fucking party, and like god is there. how cool is that! but the jews, like, have to go fucking ruin everything.

so fuck you, we're now gonna have a fuck-you party, where, like you can all go fuck yourselves.

fuck bush, fuck amerikkka, fuck israel, fuck capitalism, fuck everyone.

I Weep on Memorial Day

Memorial Day is once again upon us, and I weep for those whom we have lost. To those who perished in selfless service to others, I weep, I howl, and I wale.

On this Memorial Day, let's remember those who have fallen so that we may have.

Let's remember the brave Cuban people who risked it all to overthrow Batista and install North America's only socialist paradise (for now...).

Let's remember the youth of yesterday, who gave their lives to police thugs while protesting the Vietnam War. And let's meditate on the charity of those who assisted the Vietcong in their struggle against American aggression.

Let's remember the Cambodian Revolution, and its valiant efforts to protect them from American war-mongering criminal Nixon.

Let's remember the Cultural Revolution, and how so many gave their all in hopes for a World revolution.

Let's remember our fallen brothers and sisters who brought aid and comfort to the Sandinistas during the oppression of the tyrant Ronald Reagan.

Let's remember those brave leaders who died while serving their people, such as Enver Hoxha, Erich Honecker, and the murdered Nicolae Ceausescu.

Let's remember the history-transforming reign of the Late Kim Il-Sung!

But most of all, let's remember the atrocities of the late 1980s that lead to the formation of abominations such as "Estonia", "Armenia", and "Ukraine". Throughout the 20th Century, the brave Soviet People stood alone in the fight against fascism and solving the Zionism Problem. As one, they were the planet's best hope for universal scientific socialism , forming a moral barrier against the malevolent forces of capito-fascism. From the People's Revolution to the People's Necessary Sacrifices, the great Soviet People had a remarkable vision of equality and industrial production that will never again be matched. They identified their enemies and were embraced by their friends. They knew the value of work, and its rewards. They established a state where everyone had full rights and where there was no envy; i.e. a place where people mattered. A state with every modern luxury and no poverty. Luckily for them, they were immune from the poison of American culture. Sadly, they are no longer.

I weep on Memorial Day.

Bush: I Will Nuke Iran

Hell is here because that bastard Bush has explicitly threatened a nuclear war against Iran! PEOPLE! THIS MONSTER MUST BE STOPPED!

The news is all over the "blogosphere", so you know that it must be true. HE WILL GET US ALL KILLED!

And for what? Because President Ahmadinejad said that Iran is now a nuclear power? We can't prove that Iran is!

Because the President Ahmadinejad promised to "wipe Israel off the map"? We can't prove that he means it!

Because the Iranian Parliament chants "Death to America"? We can't prove that they really mean it!

Because Iran is supposedly sending suicide bombers to Britain? That can’t be proven either!

But we can prove beyond any doubt that Bush's finger is on the nuclear button right this minute, and that it is ready to be pressed!

Just look at this article from today's International Herald Tribune or whatever:

Fact: Like a frightened mouse, Iran is only trying to defend itself from proven American aggression. Who can blame them for their actions? They can't help it; no one has control over their own actions when they are threatened!

Bush, you insane coward, end the threat and bury your nukes. The whole world is watching, you scumbag.

False Dilemmas I: Love the Soldier, Hate the Military

Here's a question that I was asked by a student at a recent anti-war protest:

"Professor Kurgman, I know that we should protest Bush's genocidal oil war because it is killing our soldiers. But isn't the U.S. Military also the enemy of the people? How can I reconcile these views?"

I thoughtfully considered his remarks, and then told the student that his question is very stupid. Of course it is possible to be concerned about the soldiers and to also hate them.

First, as any mother can tell you, our children are being taken from our bosoms and hurled onto Haliburton-manufactured minefields for sport. Our children, our future, are being sacrificed for Dick Cheney's sick sexual fantasies. (Speaking of which, when will the trial be held for his "hunting accident" murder?) This murdering of our children makes me want to scream, which in fact is what I was doing all weekend in order to stop the war.

But yet, I also scream at individual soldiers. Or, at least at heterosexual soldiers because they are racist homophobic imperialist killing machines who discriminate against sexual minorities and are only interested in gratuitously torturing people in other countries. Ideally, we would have an all-gay army that would be pacifist and sympathetic towards other cultures. And an all-gay Army of Color would of course be even better. Best of all (at least in the context of our mongering aggression against Iraq) would be an all-Islamic army. What better way of showing our solidarity with the People of Islam than to send our own American Islamic Army to their nations with gifts procured from our capitalist criminals?

Realistically, though, we won't be having an all-gay or an all-Islamic military in the near future. Therefore, the only feasible option is to reduce military spending by about 100%, and reallocate these funds to teachers unions to educate our children. Which brings us to the only downside of disbanding the military, which is the jobs that returning soldiers will be stealing from union workers. So, in order prevent a war between the working class and the war-criminal class, we will need to greatly increase taxes on business profits.

I would explain more, but I'm afraid this is all I can say for now to an audience that is not paying tuition.

In Defiance of American Aggression, "9/11" Mom Hugs Moussaoui Mom

From CBS News:

The mother of Zacarias Moussaoui was tearfully embraced by the mother of a World Trade Center victim at a church gathering. Aicha el-Wafi appeared at the "welcoming gathering" on Sunday in White Plains, about 25 miles north of ground zero, before returning home to France. The event included peace workers, anti-death-penalty activists and mothers from Memorial United Methodist Church.

I want to hug Mr. Moussaoui, too, because I respect a man who has strong, yet compassionate, beliefs :

I pray to Allah for the return of Andalusia, Spain, to the Muslin and the liberation of Ceuta and Medilla. I pray to Allah for the return of India to the Muslims an to the liberation of Kashimir.

I pray to Allah, the severe punishment for the destruction of the Jewish people and states and for the liberation of Palestine by the Muslim, for the Muslim.

I pray to Allah, the protector, for the destruction of Russia and the return of the Islamic Emerates of Chechnia. I pray to Allah, the powerful, for the return of the Islamic Emerates of Afghanistan and the destruction of the United States of America.

Now, I say: "Innocent!"

And Zack's mom, Aicha el-Wafi (who, like other mom's of Bush's War, has absolute moral authority), explains that her son is like this because of racism and a broken home :

Maybe there are two factors that have paved this road: Racism in France. And because of racism he really wasn't able to do the studies he wanted; he was rejected by the system. And the lack of father can be another reason...

Ms. el-Wafi, you deserve an honorary doctorate at my university for those insights!

But the truth of the matter is that she knows her son, who is clearly incapable of causing harm to anyone, is just an American scapegoat:

...he has been turned into a scapegoat because it's as if America needs someone who is responsible.

So who can blame Connie Taylor, American mom from the United Methodist Church, for hugging Ms, el-Wafi?

More and more, I am almost respecting churches. First it was the Prebyterian Church boycotting Israel and the Church of England divesting from Israel, and now we see the Methodist mothers honoring the mother of Zacarias Moussaoui. Talk about complete absolute moral authority!

But who is this "mother of the World Trade Center victim"? Especially since there is plenty of evidence that "9/11" never even happened!

Then again, there are plenty of instances of reconciliation between victims and dubious aggressors. For example, my favoite Jew, Noam Chomsky, has made peace with Nazis. And, of course, David Berkowitz has forgiven himself.

But I digress! May I suggest that a more sincere expression of remorse would be for the "families of the victims" to convert to Islam? Or, better yet, perhaps the entire Presbyterian and Methodist churches should compel their members to convert to Islam.

Yes, yes, I know. Where does one draw the line between respect for Islam and hatred of religion? Well, we make compromises, such as my sponsoring of the university's "lesbians in burqas" no-touch dance last semester, and my protesting the death penalty except for blasphemy cases. Yes, it is difficult to be brilliant.

Global Women's Strike!

As a proud member of the Global Women’s Strike, I encourage everyone I meet to support our cause, which is the human cause:

END POVERTY AND WAR AGAINST OUR PEOPLE AND OUR PLANET!
INVEST IN CARING NOT KILLING!

And as a respected professor with numerous academic achievements, I have designed my “Progressive Struggles for Global Communities” course (which, I may add, is very popular) to match the tenets of the Strike’s Global Demands:

Payment for all caring work - in wages, pensions, land & other resources.

It’s a fact that women perform 2/3 of the world’s work, and do not get paid for it. Why? Because they perform caring work and the male American military machine only pays for their own genocidal aggression. We need, right now, a mass redistribution of wealth to pay for female caring work.

Pay equity for all, women & men, in the global market

Of course, the pay equity will occur only after the aforementioned wealth redistribution. Ideally, everyone will get paid the same wages, regardless of what they do. Equality must be our goal.

Food security for breastfeeding mothers, paid maternity leave and maternity breaks. Stop penalizing us for being women.

It’s also a fact that breastfeeding mothers are susceptible to starvation, which is why food security must be guaranteed. And since private markets have repeatedly demonstrated their failure to produce food, this function must be administered by a caring (which means female) government. And, needless to say, maternity leave should be paid at triple wages; i.e., having a child demands more than straight pay. Let's continue the work of Betty Friedan and stop penalizing us for being women!

Accessible clean water, healthcare, housing, transport, literacy.

When will we finally rise in unity and demand an end to our poisoned water, our lack of medicine, our living in the gutters, our absence of transportation, and our illiterate status? When will we finally have a caring government?

Non-polluting energy & technology which shortens the hours we work. We all need stoves, fridges, washing machines, computers, & time off!

Simply put, we work continuously and need time off. And yet, with all that work, we have no stoves, fridges, washing machines, or computers. Someone…make it happen! And it had better not pollute.

Protection & asylum from all violence & persecution, including by family members & people in positions of authority.

And that goes especially for protection from the fascists in the White House. People, do I smell a revolution?

Freedom of movement. Capital travels freely, why not people?

I want to take a dozen Pakistani tribesmen into my house, but our racist dictatorial regime will not permit their free movement into America. Well, I demand that they allow it, and you should demand it as well.

Too Disturbing for TV

According to an article prepared by Agence Française de Presse...

(I have to pause for a moment because I so enjoy the musical quality of that name, "Agence Française de Presse")

"...a recent video of kidnapped U.S. reporter Jill Carroll is 'too disturbing' for American television stations to broadcast."

I say, good for the broadcasters. Not only is the video too disturbing, but it can lead to unwarranted prejudices. (Similarly, the reluctance to broadcast footage of the 9/11 "tragedy" has only improved intercultural relations.)

Unlike the barbaric atrocities of Abu Ghraib that The New York Times selflessly displayed on its front page for 32 consecutive days, this nuanced kidnapping must be understood in a different light:

- The hostage, Ms. Carroll, raises a legitimate point in the video, that Iraqi prisoners should be released.

- The kidnapping is unrelated to Islam. Here's proof, from the article itself: "Iraq's Committee of Muslim Scholars, the top Sunni religious organization, also called for her release."

- Ms. Carroll is "tearful" and "weeping" in the video. A public airing of this would only contribute to anti-female stereotypes. In fact, why must this irrelevant detail even be mentioned?

- Are we any better than the kidnappers? After all, the United States is presently holding four Iraqi women prisoner!

Needless to say, none of this would even be an issue if we only pulled out of Iraq immediately, gave up all our weapons, and promised to never lift a finger of hegemonist aggression against anyone ever again.

"If you strike me, I will not strike back." History has proven that there is no more effective way of avoiding disputes.