Friday, December 29, 2006

New Ideas for Economic Empowerment

Hope for the people springs eternal, as we draw closer to universal economic empowerment via new ideas.

First, from President Chavez:

He says he would “replace” capitalism with a system based on “solidarity” and barter, with a strong role for co-operatives and what he calls “social production companies”, which redistribute all or part of their profits to the needy.

And also from "Robin Hood" restaurants:

At a new breed of "Robin Hood" restaurants, diners pay what they can afford -- and what they think the meal is worth. These pay-as-you-can cafes have missions that are unapologetically altruistic—call it serving up fare Robin Hood style. "Our philosophy is that everyone, regardless of economic status, deserves the chance to eat healthy, organic food while being treated with dignity," explains Brad Birky, who opened SAME with his wife, Libby, in October. Customers who have no money are encouraged to exchange an hour of service — sweep, wash the dishes, weed the organic garden — for a meal.

Combining the two, we get a fair system of "pay what you wish, in barter." This is the ultimate in humanity: The replacement of money and the bourgeois "ownership" dictators with system of compassionate and caring.

And so, I chose to spark this revolution right at home, in the food co-op.

I wheeled my People's Cart (I will spit on you if you insensitively call it a "granny cart") full of groceries to the cashier, who then charged me $27.09. In the past, I might have reluctantly paid this arbitrary amount with People's Stamps (don't you dare call them "food stamps") that I accept from my students in exchange for higher grades. (Is this not fair that they should be rewarded for equalizing the distribution of People's Stamps?)

But this time, I simply told the cashier, "Mister Bush is a cold-blooded monster."

The cashier responded with, "Of course he is! That will be $27.09."

And I said, "You don't understand, do you? We just completed a barter trade. The co-op gave me food, and in return, you received my professorial opinions that are worth the value of my groceries."

The cashier laughed, and insisted on receiving so-called "money"!

I sternly told him, "Listen, you insensitive little idiot, this food is now mine. You can no longer make any of your racist demands on me!"

He then had the audacity to call the manager over.

I glared at the manager. "Oh, Mein Fuhrer is here! But I will not go quietly as other groups did to your extermination camps, you fascist swine!"

He then demanded that I pay in cash. But my spirit was not crushed: "You owe ME, Mr. Hitler! Not only did I barter my thoughts to your brownshirt cashier, but I also enlightened you to the fact that you are worse than Hitler. And you can even repeat my words to the needy, those who need to hear my words! In fact, my evaluation of your aggressive war-mongering is worth another bag of groceries, you uneducated filth! I doubt that you have a single PhD, let alone three!"

At that moment, an enormous cockroach scurried out from under my pants cuff; I must have transported it all the way from my apartment! It ran into my People's Cart and into the groceries -- and, being an animal, it contaminated my vegan purchases! Who can say whether its antennae might break off into my soy-soy!

"Well, I can't eat this shit now," I remarked.

I then turned over the cart, and spilled everything onto the floor -- including the cockroach (and two more that must have stowed away in the produce).

"You win this time, Hitler."

Saddened by the experience, I stomped on a tomato that rolled out of my bag. And then I stomped on a block of tofu. And then everything else. I smashed the food the way we will someday smash this entire capitalist regime!

I scooped up the smashed food and hurled it in every direction. "Clean it up, you Nazis! Clean it up!"

I will return again to claim what is rightfully mine.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

A Holiday Message to The Guantanamo Resistance

To My Brothers and Sisters in The Guantanamo Bay Torture and Extermination Camp:

Welcome to the Winter Solstice!

As you are preparing your observance of the solstice, please accept, from me and my students, our best holiday wishes. We understand that you have been subjected to numerous indignities, such as being served non-vegan meals and being denied proper receptacles for sorting various shades of plastics (and other man-made environmental atrocities). You are forced to wear uniforms that are made by slaves working without mandatory early-retirement benefits. You helplessly watch Amerikkkan military vehicles produce emissions that are melting the polar ice caps -- and you fear that no one has issued life preservers as the rising sea levels threaten to engulf your prison camp. And the transgendered among you are living with the insult of being denied the right to use the restroom of your choice.

All this demeaning subjugation and all this raw torture is being inflicted on you because you dare to speak truth to power. And because you speak for the people. And because you dare present yourselves with your rich olive hues in the presence of this murderous racist regime.

But just as the days will soon be growing longer, you too have every reason to be optimistic. This is because you are not alone. We are your fellow comrades in the struggle to end oppression, racism, sexism, occupation, and capitalism --and we stand with you, shoulder-to-shoulder, in solidarity with your mission to destroy the fascist Amerikkkan government and their Zionist puppet-masters.

How ironic. How ironic indeed! How very ironic that we are now the enslaved and you are our liberators. And how ironic that as our liberators, you are now being enslaved. And ironic, that once again, by virtue of our skin color, everything we possess is the product of your efforts. But yet, but yet, but yet...we must rid ourselves of all possessions, as material wealth is the antithesis of the revolutionary spirit. And it will be that spirit that shall liberate us, and will liberate you, and will ruthlessly crush our powerful oppressors. You see, these are the precise conceptual formulations and pleotheric frameworks that white people are incapable of grasping! But our peace movement will prevail, oh wonderful People of The Sun!

We must prevail so that we can all be liberated to forge a program of rapid self-extinction. The working class must be freed so that they can join the rest of this filthy human race as it melts into oblivion. Oppression commands liberation, and liberation commands extinction. May the working people prosper, but may materialism and prosperity be extinguished.

I do not fear violence. For violence in the name of Global Liberation is our most compelling device to express love for our Earth! And as Amerikkka is the sworn enemy of Earth, the stage is set for the final competition between Amerikkka and Earth. Between The Slave-Owners and The Slaves. Between The Capitalists and The Socialists. Between The Humans and The Species.

Hear my words, Oh Mighty People of The Sun! The Revolution is almost upon us! You will soon be free to join us in our final struggle!

But until then, I weep. I weep for the people. I weep for the children. And I weep for The Earth. I weep for you, my Brothers and Sisters of Color, who have been targeted for extermination. We have all read about so-called "genocides" of the past. And as a result of these lies, we have are now immune and indifferent to the real genocide that is happening today, to you. And I weep.

At once, I am the oppressor and the victim -- an irreconcilable paradox that will always ensure my destiny as a focal point for all of humanity. It always is, ultimately, about me.

A hopeful Solstice to you all.

I hate Amerikkka.


Professor Peter Kurgman and His Students

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Kathy on The Holocaust

Kathy is getting ever-closer to her first (of many!) PhD's, with her Scientific Inquiry on The Holocaust.

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