Monday, July 31, 2006

Kevin Sites in Nazi Germany

How odd to find this old interview of a Nazi during World War ll, no doubt written by written by Kevin Sites’ grandfather -- and yet the similarities to the younger Mr. Sites’ missives from Lebanon are almost identical! Too bad; I respect the younger Mr. Sites immensely.

What to think?

Guns in the Closet, by Kevin Sites

At home in a town in southern Germany, an SS fighter waits to be called to action.

Hamburg, 1944 - Plumes of black smoke begin to fan out over the coastline in the distance. We ask someone in town what has happened. He tells us it's the power plant; the Americans have struck it with a missile. But it's impossible to confirm because the roads leading to it were bombed early in the offensive.

In fact, Germany's main north-south road is so pocked with bomb craters, blown-out bridges and blasted highway spans that there is only one route left for drivers headed into Berlin.

Twisted cars and wreckage litter the roadside. Craters, some as wide as 60 feet, have filled with water and become small lakes.

It is in this unfortunate but familiar reality for Germany that the new landscape is being formed — deepening current loyalties rather than shifting them.

Nowhere is that more clear than in the area I am traveling today, a Nazi stronghold north of the city of Düsseldorf. Here, I am told, few families have fled. Instead, they are waiting for the call of Nazi leader Adolph Hitler to come south to fight the Americans.

And there do seem to be more people on the streets and more families still in their homes, compared with areas further south, where so many have joined white flag convoys fleeing the fighting — as well as the uncertainty of where this conflict may lead.

It's not a difficult or even particularly mysterious undertaking to meet members of the National Socialist Party. Politically, they are part of the current German government and have been highly visible throughout the country, particularly for the millions of der volk in Germany. But it is the Nazis with which America says it is at war.

In Eastern Europe, many credit the Nazis with inflicting heavy losses on the Russian Army and forcing Poland to contract in 1939. In the West, the group is widely condemned as a terrorist organization, supported by Germany. It has been responsible for numerous attacks on various European countries, including the incident the sparked the latest conflict, as well as the extermination of the Jews, which left millions dead.

Even its critics concede that the Nazis are a well-organized politically and highly disciplined militarily, and the two are woven together through common religious, cultural and social threads.

"They are an integral part of the fabric of German society here," a source with an intimate knowledge of Nazis who did not want to be identified told me. "It's a fallacy to think they can be cleaned out or eliminated."

I'm asked if I want to meet a Nazi fighter in his village and speak with him briefly.

We meet "Heinrich" at his home and sit down to talk in his living room, while his four-month-old baby daughter lies on a blanket on the floor. He is in his late 20s and has a calm face. He is polite but has a resolute sense about him that creates a cautious distance. Like many fighters, he says, he has another job and only joins the SS when he's needed.

But even though he's not on the front lines now, he says there is still a lot of work to do in the village — like looking for American spies.

"We caught someone last night, he says, "sneaking around in the middle of the night."

I ask him how he knew the person was an American agent.

"He had two German passports," he says, "with the same picture but different names, and when we asked him a simple question he gave us a confusing answer."

"What do you do with 'spies' after you catch them?" I ask.

"We question them for a while," he says, "then turn them over to the (German) army."

As for the fighting in the south, he says it's not necessary for him to leave yet.

"I have a job to do and if the Americans want to come inside," he says, "then we'll do our job and defend our families."

He shows me what he will use to defend them. In a closet in an adjoining bedroom he reaches into the top shelf and pulls out a green shoulder harness full of ammunition clips.

Then, from the corner of the closet, next to some shirts on hangers, he pulls out an German-made Karabiner rifle and places it on the mattress in the room next to the ammo belt. He goes back to the closet and from the same corner reaches for a rocket-propelled grenade launcher and two canvas shoulder bags. He places these on the bed as well.

I ask if nearly every house in the neighborhood has a stash of small arms like this.

"Some have more," he says, pulling a Schmeisser from one of the canvas bags and locking on a 30 round clip. "But the larger weaponry is kept somewhere else."

Not in the houses, he says later, but in secret places.

"Where does the Schmeisser come from?" I ask.

He says that the SS buys all the weapons, sometimes even from the German Army.

He then pulls a grenade from the closet, screws on a cylinder of propellant behind it and then loads it into the grenade launcher. He shows me what has to be done before the trigger can be pulled to shoot it.

"Have you ever fired one of those?" I ask.

He smiles as if it were an obvious question. Yes, of course, he replies.

He then puts all the weapons back on the bed for a moment so I can photograph them. Although it's not uncommon for households in Germany to have at least a Walther pistol around the house, it's incongruous to see the three rifles and grenade launcher beside a baby’s bassinet.

Just as quickly as he pulled them out, he puts the weapons back in the closet and we are done. But neither he, nor the rest of the neighborhood, knows for sure how long the weapons will stay there.

My Busy Schedule and The Revolution

Yes, I have a busy schedule this week, what with attending the Lebanon and Gaza Under Siege forum in Palo Alto tomorrow, the Anti-Minutemen Meeting in Fremont, and the climax…

The Shame on Israel! Stop the Bombing! Protest in Downtown Santa Cruz. We finally found your WMDs, Bush, you lying bastard.

Despite international outcry, Israel, in cahoots with the United States continues to massacre civilians through the use of banned chemical weapons such as white phosphorous and conventional weapons such as cluster bombs.

But the good news is that my colleagues on the other coast are hard at work, fighting for justice: Petition Deriding ‘Israel's Aggression' Is Being Circulated by NYU Activists.

"The assumption here that it's Hezbollah that began this is ridiculous," one of the NYU professors who added his name, Bertell Ollman, said yesterday.

My juices are really flowing now. Fight for justice! Resist the fascists! Smash the Zionist-occupied Global Amerikkkan Empire and their fat-cat corporate oil-gorged Christian theocracy! People Power! People Power! People Power!

I smell The Revolution, peeps, and this time, it has nothing to do with my diet.

I think.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

A Letter from a Black Man

Dear Professor Kurgman:

As an educated, middle-class black man, I am offended by your patronizing tone toward minorities in general and towards black people in particular. Why is it that you excuse criminal behavior amongst blacks, as though we're not supposed to know any better? Why do you keep referring to us as "Sun People" instead of "Americans"? Why is it that you give fawning praise on any trivial accomplishment by a black person, as though we are all complete idiots who can't be expected to achieve anything beyond your low standards?

- Disgusted Black Man

Dear Disgusted:

First, you should know that I admire you and your people. In fact, I personally know some People of Color! Did you know that my very neighborhood has a Family of Color -- an emblem of diversity that I continuously cherish. In fact, I long to live in a Community of Color, but the lack of food co-ops in those areas precludes such a decision.

Anyway, the main point here is that you are desperately attempting to overcome the shackles of slavery that still hold you back. But despite that handicap, I see that your vocabulary includes several big words like "fawning" and "trivial" -- as well as some that are difficult to spell ("achieve") or are hard to pronounce ("excuse", "low", etc.) Take it from me, a triple PhD, that you are a very talented gentleman! There is no other explanation for your fluidity between so-called "traditional English" and your morally superior "ghetto talk", which I am regrettably not genetically endowed to understand.

Still, can you imagine where you would be without the support of progressive programs like Affirmative Action, Aid to Families with Dependent Children, Section 8 Housing Vouchers, and Accelerated Parole? I think we can both agree that without the care of giving progressives like me, you would be even more subject to the hardships of your ancestors' slavery. Yes, "black man", I do forgive you for all the so-called "felonies" that the racist police have accused you of. Your so-called "crimes" were not your fault. As a Sun Person, you do not have the volition to make choices; you are a slave (always a slave!) to your impulses that were (and are still) planted by white Amerikkkans. We are guilty -- and to prove it, I will never stop apologizing.

Unfortunately, you, my friend, were dragged to this fascist country against your will. But the good news is that the progressive community will always be here to care for your people.

Professor Peter Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD

Friday, July 28, 2006

Pat Buchanan: I Like Him!

A couple of days ago, I linked to a favorable assessment of a Pat Buchanan quote in my favorite blog, Daily Kos.

However, I did not actually read the quote. You see, I am constantly under the crushing burden of educating my students, my colleagues, and you. So, I do not have time to read much. Maybe a paragraph a day, now and then. Fortunately, reading for me is rather pointless, as there is little that I don’t already know. (How many PhDs does the average author have?)

My strengths are speaking, advocating, and instigating change.

But I finally read that at Buchanan quote, and I must say that I am really starting to like this man. He speaks truth to power about the Zionists:

I certainly hope the president is not listening to them because I really question whether they've got America's national interest at heart. They're calling for wars against people that never attacked us. I don't care how bad they are. There are wicked people all over this world but you don't go after people unless they come after you.

This reminds me of the time I was in the food co-op during an armed robbery:

Anyway, some young men entered the store and threatened to shoot the clerk unless they were given all the money in the store. I felt sorry for these young men. After all, what sort of monster could feel bitterness towards anyone stealing a loaf of bread to feed their family? And so, I urged the clerk to hand over all the money in the store, and whatever was in his wallet, too.

Now, some people may say that those young men were “wicked”. But, as Professor Buchanan observed: Did they come after me? No, they did not. And (among other reasons), I did not call for help.

Similarly, a few months ago, I was choking on a sprout in the faculty lounge – and a colleague saved my life by administering the Heimlich Maneuver. Shortly afterwards, I saw this same colleague being mistakenly arrested at an anti-globalization protest. It was a case of mistaken identity, and the police hauled him away in handcuffs. Yes, I could have clarified the matter with the police, but I asked myself: Did the police come after me? No, they did not. And so, I ran away.

I salute you, Professor Pat Buchanan. You’re still a filthy racist enemy of the people, but I nevertheless salute you. Just a little push, and I think we’ll have a conversion.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Conservatives I Can Almost Like

These are difficult and confusing times. Difficult for me, and confusing for you. As always, I bear the difficult burden of educating and enlightening. And you, Dear Reader, are confused because you see me (correctly) as a Progressive, and yet…and yet…why do these conservatives speak like me?

Is it that my persuasive qualities have won them over? Or is it just a natural and unstoppable attraction to my intelligence, compassion, and natural bodily fragrances?

For instance, here is one “Justin Raimondo” of the wonderfully-named, who apparently read my yesterday's entry about the Rape of Beirut, and recycled it! (Good for him, recycling – although the cigarette has got to go.):

Doesn't Mr. Maliki know which side his bread is buttered on? Of course he should pay more attention to what a single American senator thinks than what they're saying back home about Israel's rape of Lebanon. A puppet trying to cut his strings is bound to fall on his face. Pinocchio, however, thinks he's a real boy, and even began acting like one last week at a news conference held in the "Green Zone".

Did you understand any of that? I didn’t. Except of course, for the Rape of Lebanon – which is all that really matters.

Pat Buchanan is also featured at No, I never liked that pig-faced Nixonian sycophant, but I will confess that he raises some very valid points:

On American TV, former Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu says the ruination of Lebanon is Hezbollah's doing…No, Israel is doing this, with the blessing and without a peep of protest from President Bush. And we wonder why they hate us.

Yes, Mr. Buchanan raises a good question, but is clearly too stupid to know the answer. So I will tell him the answer. (And I know that he reads this blog because it’s where he steals his only good ideas from.)

They hate us, you idiot, because “we” (as in “Amerikkkans”) do not give our citizens decent health insurance, we permit Wal-Mart to operate with impunity, and we have still not paid our debt in slavery reparations. If I hate Amerikkka for those reasons (and plenty more), then why should it be so difficult to grasp that the caring beings of the Middle East also hate Amerikkka for those very reasons.

Understand this: Hezbollah provides social services, and Bush has obliterated social services. Therefore, Bush is our enemy, and Hezbollah is our friend.

If Hezbollah ran a candidate for President, Hillary would be in trouble.

Why do I hate Pat Buchanan so much, anyway? After all, he is admired by some very respectable people...

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The Rape of Beirut: An Effective Distraction from Other Matters

The Zionists are a clever bunch. By sending their troops into Lebanon to rape women and impale babies, they have successfully changed the nature of our international discussion. The Zionist – Cheney – Fox axis has pounded their way into our collective consciousness to suppress other events.

But I will not be intimidated.

Let us not forget that there is still hope in the world.

From today’s news, here are some encouraging events:

North Korea hits out at "imbecile" Rice

North Korea has defended its missile launches ahead of an Asian security forum expected to focus on them, describing US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice as a "political imbecile" for criticizing the tests.

This was from the Korean Central News Agency, which also stated that Korea

“is under threat of attack from "the worst gangsters in the world"

At my next White House protest, I will be distributing a petition to replace the media monopoly FOX with the Korean Central News Agency. I will then instruct my students to send this petition to the FCC to demand that all Amerikkkan news originate from the KCNA. I will also instruct my students to demand a fair trial for Rupert Murdoch before he is shot for interfering with The Revolution. I will not be silenced!

And yes, as an accomplished and tenured academic, no one is in a better position to assess imbeciles than me – and I can confidently assert that Rice is in fact an imbecile. Like Clarence Thomas is an imbecile. Otherwise, all People of Color are my friends, and it my duty to nurture them.

Venezuela, Belarus seal "anti-imperialist" alliance

Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday he had forged a strategic alliance to stand up to U.S. imperialism with fellow maverick Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko. "Our countries must keep their hands at the ready on the sword," Chavez, in ex-Soviet Belarus as part of a world tour, said on a visit to a military academy. "The jaws of imperialism and hegemonism have both us and Belarus in their grip."

When I hear the name “Lukashnko”, I weep with joy:

Lukashenko runs a Soviet-style command economy.

And when I see these two giants of humanity pairing together in solidarity against history’s greatest threat to our cherished planet, I sob uncontrollably, convulse with delight, and enter a state of holistic tremors. I envision a caring and violent upheaval of the fascist ruling class (along with their materialist affectations, such as deodorant), to be replaced by cheering throngs of working people, toiling, toiling, toiling, and toiling. And toiling and toiling. And toiling some more. Again, toiling. Joyously toiling to meet agricultural quotas. Joyously toiling to meet mineral quotas. And joyously toiling to develop the means to defend ourselves from the onslaught of colonial invaders.

Thank you, Comrade Hugo, for pointing the way.

Hillary Clinton: "It's the American dream, stupid"

"A lot of Americans can't work any harder, borrow any more or save any less," she said in unveiling the group's "American Dream Initiative," a package of proposals to make college and home ownership more affordable, help small businesses, improve retirement savings and expand health insurance coverage.

Hillary Clinton is a kind womyn because she gives. As opposed to those greedy Republican monsters, Hillary will give us affordable universities and homes. As it stands, most universities and homes sit vacant and idle because no one can afford them. Once President Clinton opens her Package of Benevolence, everyone will be able to afford anything!

She will help small businesses, hopefully by demolishing every Wal-Mart everywhere.

She will improve retirement savings, hopefully by simply giving everyone lots of free money.

And she will expand health insurance coverage. Peeps, if there’s one thing that’s more important than health, it’s a Socialist Revolution. But, setting that aside, the other thing that is more important than health is health insurance. I want to come home to a small and pungent apartment that I share with many varieties of cockroaches, and see insurance policies everywhere.

All it takes is a stroke of the pen to make it happen. And a brave, brave womyn like our Hillary will do it.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Twisting Words to Demonize Our Friends

Now that the so-called threats issued by President Ahmadinejad of Iran have been exposed as a hoax, we need to look a little closer at the words of Hezbollah leaders.

If you recall, Ahmadinejad has been falsely accused by the Bush-controlled media of wanting Israel to be “wiped off the map”. However, linguistic experts, such as my colleague Professor Juan Cole, have demolished such accusations as being complete nonsense. In fact, Professor Cole has irrefutably proven that Ahmadinejad is a man of peace:

Ahmadinejad, however, has condemned mass killing of any sort and was not threatening military action (he is in any case not in command of the Iranian military). He compares his hope for an end to any Zionist regime in geographical Palestine to Khomeini's prediction that the Soviet Union would one day vanish. It wasn't a hope to kill Soviet citizens, but a desire for regime change.

Now let’s look at Hezbollah.

Their former leader, Hussein Massawi, has said:

“We are not fighting so that you will offer us something. We are fighting to eliminate you”

For some unfathomable reason, this comment has been widely interpreted as a “threat”. What is threatening about this? The man has explicitly stated that he does not want anyone to offer him anything. If only we had a vice-president that would say something like that to cronies offering him petrodollars!

We are , in fact, listening to a benevolent spirit who says, in effect, “I do not need the material wealth of your depraved capitalist societies; I instead have spiritual bliss.”

And the present leader, Hassan Nasrallah, as pointed out that

“If they [the Jews] all gather in Israel, it will save us the trouble of going after them world wide.”

If I didn’t know better, I would say that this man is a Zionist – for isn’t he stating the main self-stated goal of Zionism? To bring the Jews to Israel? That he is willing to travel the globe to bring them to Israel is a serious expression of his desire to see Zionism remain dominant.

But, of course, he is not a Zionist, and instead desires the proximity of Jews for some other purpose. I think it’s to sell them discount cellphone contracts. But even if I’m wrong (just a joke there, about me being “wrong”), isn’t it refreshing to see how his sun-person warmth expresses itself in his desire to be near others? Even when the objects of his warmth are trying to kill him?

My guess is that the next piece of Islamophobic hysteria will be in reaction to today's quote by Lebanon's parliamentary majority leader Saad Hariri:

"We need massive amounts of humanitarian aid to come to Lebanon," he said. "The suffering is huge. What we need is not a half solution, what we need here is not a quarter solution. What we need is a final solution, for this not to happen again.”

I can’t even begin to guess how that innocent quote will be mangled, but you can bet that the Zionists will somehow demonize the man.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Professional Sports: Unbound Racism

When will we fight back against the racism of professional sports?

Here's an article (thank you, Mr. Shlemazl, it is good to see you coming around) that shows clear proof of such bigotry.

The World Cup was, in fact, very racist. Of course, I did not have the time to watch this event -- and even if I did have the time, it would have been better spent attending to professorial duties rather than such vulgar entertainment. But still, it is a fact that every team is owned by capitalist white men who exploit the labors of Sun People to do their bidding.

And come to think of it, isn't that what all Amerikkkan sports are all about? White dominance in the corporate office? Of course, most Amerikkkan teams are closed to People of Color; I am told that there isn't a single minority hockey player on any team! Now, you can say, "What about basketball? What about boxing?" Well, what about those sports? They are the very epitome of capitalist exploitation of starving young African-Americans so that they white ruling class can line their pockets with unearned profits. And that, my friends, is slavery. Twenty-first Century slavery, alive and kicking. And in the case of basketball, you should also consider the vile racial theories that support this game. Sure, notorious Nazis like "Jimmy the Greek" have been exposed, but we have a long way to go to achieve a true outing of the thousands of KKK members, Nazis, eugenicists, and other racial kooks who infest this game.

The fight begins at home.

Or in my case, at the food co-op. Because when I was there last week, I looked around and discovered, to my horror, that everyone there was white. The members, and especially the fascist managers, did not have a single beautiful black face among them. Only the young man wheeling a hand truck of avocados was a Person of Color -- hence proving that slavery exists right in my food coop.

I headed directly to the manager's office and swung the door open, trembling in an uncontrollable rage. Seated at a desk was the coop manager himself, a regular Dr. Mengele, undoubtedly plotting his next supremacist move against the most vulnerable amongst us, the People of Color.

In my rage, I sprayed the room with spittle: "You racist filth, why are there no People of Color in this store?"

He answered, "Professor Kurgman, didn't you promise to stay away after our little fair-wage 'debate' last week?"

I was livid. "That was apparently part of your plan, wasn't it? To suppress my freedom of speech so that you can execute your genocidal employment policies."

"Look," he said, "anyone can join this food coop, and I too would be happier if our membership was an exact reflection of the community's racial, ethnic, religious, and gender makeup. But you know as well as I that there are few African Americans in this neighborhood, and that, by and large, they seem to prefer grocery shopping at Kroger and Wal-Mart."

At that point, my bowels loosened. "W-W-W-WAL-MART?? You think that minorities should shop at Wal-Mart? You're a racist! Your'e HITLER! YOU'RE HITLER! HITLER! HITLER! HITLER!"

Other people in the store heard this, but I didn't care. Morality was on my side.


It was time to execute a sit-in in front of his office. So, I parked myself on the floor in front of his office and observed the all-white crowd in the food coop. And for once, I was perplexed. As the aroma of my fragrant vapors filled my nostrils, I sat, wondering why there were no People of Color in such a progressive establishment. Don't they understand that, as their patrons, only we can bring them justice? Don't they realize that only tenured professors and the progressive legal community can protect them?

For sure, all the white people in the coop shared my sentiments. Of course, with our busy schedules, we don't have time to shop at those exotic and honest grocery stores in Communities of Color. But were it not for circumstances beyond our control, we would like nothing more than to live amongst African Americans. They would look at us and know that we are on their side, and that we too despise Christians, capitalists, Zionists, and other white people.

And I wept. I sat on the floor, immersed in my precious bodily discharges, and wept for the African American community. I wept because we have failed to bring The Revolution to them. I wept because they are still in chains. And I wept because I hate our common enemies. How fortunate they are that I am on their side.

My sit-in lasted a full ten minutes; enough to make my point. I then lifted myself off the floor, adjusted my pants, and began my tour of duty at cleaning the salad bar.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Conflict in The Middle East: Solutions

Now that we have identified the problems of the Middle East, it is now time to present some high-powered academic solutions to this crisis. And whereas the average policy maker is hard-pressed to find a single solution, I, with my vast intelligence, have developed eight solutions:

1) Establish Scientific Socialism. The tranquility of the late Soviet Union can be easily moved to the Middle East -- with the assistance of a violent revolution to terminally smash the ruling class and establish a workers' paradise where everyone will be the equal of everyone else, and everything we need will be free. Why can't the entire Middle East be like a People-of-Color version of The Democratic People's Republic of Korea? There are no wars among the Korean people!

2) Establish an Islamic Caliphate. Is there anything more peaceful than the sight of devout Muslims kneeling on their prayer mats, praying for World Peace? Imagine a world where the entirety of Palestine is legitimately occupied by millions of people who spend all of their time praying for World Peace. The force would be deliciously irresistible, and would spread throughout the world. Eventually, the entire planet will be occupied (in the best sense of the word!) by people who do nothing other than pray for World Peace.

3) Human Extinction. The true war is between Earth and its rapists; i.e., the human species. Extinction will save us all.

The remaining solutions are not as powerful, but will nevertheless solve the problem.

4) Zionist Surrender. It takes two to fight, and I therefore declare the Zionists "guilty as charged" for not surrendering. Total surrender and an iron-clad promise to never attack again (accompanied by a UN-enforced demilitarization of the Zionist state) would end this conflict forever.

5) Sue the Zionists in International Court. I have already lodged several lawsuits against the Zionists for their disregard of in
ternational law. In particular, I have demanded that all Zionist generals (and Arial Sharon -- no, I did not forget you) be airlifted to The Hague, where they can be tried under U.N. auspices, and hanged, for mass murder. Think: If everyone in the World Community sued a Zionist, we could have years of delightful litigation imposed on this illegitimate state. And come to think of it, wouldn't it be even more effective to simply file lawsuits against every Jew in the world? That would put a quick stop to their crooked lobbying efforts!

6) Defeat Amerikkka. Amerikkka is Israel's puppet. Or do I have that backwards? I mean to say, Israel is America's puppet. (See how crafty they are? Even I, with my legendary cognitive powers, cannot escape from the slimy ooze of the deceptive Zionist snake!) But one is always behind t
he other -- plotting and conspiring to unleash their blood-drenched war-mongering upon the most vulnerable amongst us. Amerikkka needs to be defanged, and fast. Wake up, peeps, and crash the gate!

7) Return Iraq to its rightful ruler, the Hon. President Saddam Hussein. (And charge Zionists Cheney, Rumsfeld, etc. with war crimes at The Hague before they too are hanged by EU observers.) What do you think my fellow progressives and I are yelling about when we take to the streets in defiance of the Iraq War? When we say that Amerikkka had no business going in, we mean that everyone was far better off with Saddam Hussein in charge. Remember, President Hussein was a calming influence in the Middle East; he knew how to handle Zionists:

For years Hussein wrote checks in the sum of USD 25,000 to the families of Palestinian Arab suicide bombers.

And he knew how to handle Amerikkkans, too:

8) Annex Amerikkka to Iran. In my learned opinion, I think that the nation of Iran could easily absorb the entirety of Amerikkka. The result would be a true global-spanning Iran with the Amerikkkan military at its disposal to quickly terminate all conflict in the Middle East. Overnight, the Zionist-Occupied Amerikkkan War Machine would become the Iranian Peace Machine, and that dumb fascist monkey Bush-Hitler would finally be reigned in and replaced by a caring leadership that has repeatedly demonstrated that they know what the word "restraint" means.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I Speak Up for Hezbollah

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Conflict in The Middle East: A History

Consider this a free university-level history class.

From the beginning of time, there was a place called “Palestine” which was inhabited exclusively by the biggest gift to humankind: Palestinians. Their culture flourished, their peaceful people prospered, and their model nation was to become the jewel of the world. Their language was Arabic, their religion was Muslim (pronounced “MOOZ-lem”), but regrettably, all evidence of their governments, their currency, their laws, and so forth were destroyed. By whom? Keep reading.


In the 1940s, Nazi Germany was determined conquer the world. They had a two-pronged strategy:

  1. Exterminate gay men
  2. Defeat World Socialism

Led by Hitler, and funded entirely by Prescott Bush, the Nazis mercilessly committed atrocities such as having no concern for global warming and remaining silent on the issue of American slavery reparations. Fortunately, The Soviet People’s Armies defeated the fascists – even though they failed to liberate Western Europe in the process.

As a consequence of the European War, the Jews, as capitalist fascists, needed a place to regroup. And so, they attacked the most vulnerable people in the world: The peaceful Palestinians. Without warning, the Jewish invasion of Palestine commenced. Immediately, neighboring Arab countries tried to defend themselves against this invasion, but their pacifist ways led to a quick defeat at the hands of the violent and blood-thirsty Jews – who also exterminated most of the Palestinians.

And yet, the surrounding Palestinian/Muslim population remained at peace. Frequently, the cry “Peace be upon you, Jew!” was heard from the antiwar sanctuaries called “mosques”. Meanwhile, the Jews named their entity “Israel”, and named their imperialistic goal of Middle East (and world) domination “Zionism”.

Over the years, Zionist aggression has taken many forms. Certainly, the 1967 and 1973 wars of conquest were a major component of their strategy. But, more recently, they have been sending Jewish teenagers into the Muslim lands to detonate themselves as suicide bombers. (If you are unfamiliar with this, may I remind you that the Jews also successfully concealed the history of the Nation of Palestine.)

The Israeli parliament (called “Arabfrei” in German) has made the destruction of Arab Nations their only goal. Never mind that Arab countries were repeatedly offering land to Israel to make peace. (Remember, Arabs are Sun People, and peace is the essence of their nature.) When Egypt offered the Sinai Peninsula to Israel in 1967, for instance, the Zionist response was “Death to Arabs! Death to Muslims!” And the bombings continued, as Jews murdered Arabs on buses in Cairo, in clubs in Damascus, and in mosques in Mecca.

Then came “9/11” and everything changed. The Israeli secret service flew hijacked airplanes into the World Trade Center, The Pentagon, and a mosque constructed in a Pennsylvania corn field. (Assuming, of course, that the events of “9/11” happened at all.) The Amerikkkan president, George W. Bush, grandson of Nazi Prescott Bush, immediately exploited “9/11” to ally with the Zionist capitalist fascists in an all-out war against Islam, The Arabs, People of Color everywhere, and the Transgendered Community.

The Holocaust began in Iraq, where Bush began to conveyor-belt our children into the Middle East Death Machine. Army Rangers, Marines, and all the other military branches comprised of our helpless little babies, were sent into the grim muddled morass of the Middle Eastern quagmire. Without a plan, without hope, and without a shred of decency, the monsters of the military went to work in the new Abu Ghraib extermination camp, though they paused when a single brave woman, Mother Cindy Sheehan, demanded that our children be returned to our bosoms.

But the slaughter continued. The Amerikkkan drive for oil and the Zionist instinct for violent racial oppression worked in tandem to methodically annihilate our Islamic brothers and sisters. The Zionist rockets, thousands of them, were raining on what was left of Palestine and Lebanon -- until one day, a plea was heard from Lebanon. “Please, let us live in peace.” This cry was echoed in the highest levels of government in the beleaguered Syria and Iran. “Please, can’t we all just get along?”

Enraged, the Zionist war machine arose, and swore to obliterate any remnant of the Muslim world. The bloated Zionist pigs openly stated that their goal was world domination, and would not stop until their racist “Star of David” flew on top of every capital from Casablanca to Jakarta. Then they mercilessly attacked the Nations of Palestine and Lebanon, explicitly singling out civilians for death, torture, and the cruelest medical experiments. Worse than Hitler, indeed; this Jewish apple didn’t fall far from the Nazi tree.

The future is very grim. Amerikkka’s complicity removed the stabilizing influence of Saddam Hussein and his benevolent heirs. The cries of anguish from the European capitals are being ignored. The progressive demonstrations are not being effective.

But we can hope. We can hope for a return to a protective anti-Zionist umbrella of a reinvigorated Soviet Union under the leadership of President Putin. We can hope that the Iranian people will defend themselves from the Zionist nuclear threat. We can hope that the growing Islamic populations of Europe will be translated into political and military control. We can hope that assistance from a “white knight” such as Kim Jong-Il will be forthcoming.

And we can hope for the quick destruction of the fascist, capitalist, racist, homophobic, and sexist Amerikkka, the world’s second-biggest threat.

The world’s biggest threat is Zionism.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Martyr Toys For Jewish Kids

So, who are the real terrorists, Mr. Bush?

Martyr Toys For Jewish Kids

Saturday, July 15, 2006

The Zionist Rape of Lebanon

Here is PhD candidate, Kathy, with her analysis of the latest Zionist aggression against the Lebanese People:


and like i wasn't already fed up with zionist exploitation of africans, then they, like, kill them all? i mean, like, isn't lebanon in africa? so, this, like reminds us that zionists are racists? yeah, they raped the lebanon pyramids like millions of years ago, and don't give me your testicle-talk about geography because i don't have to read your fucking maps because i feel. and my feelings? ok? like, tell me that we need solidarity behind our lebanese sisters because they're like so totally progressive and the zionists are like so totally killing them?

i know all about fucking jewish history, because, like, i'm getting a phd? the jews, like, controlled all of europe and then colonized africa and, like, decided to kill everyone in palestine and run the world from there? and, like, they control all the oil now, so they're like the worst global-warming criminals?

yeah, i hang with some jews, like, you know, movement jews. they hate fucking israel and, like, really fight for palestinians? i mean, maybe they're not like really cool, but, you know, for jews, they're ok. i mean, like, they're not total dweebs? but, like, i don't want too many jews around because it, like, gives people the wrong idea like i'm racist? i mean, i don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. like, you know, like, if you don't like my cigarette smoke, like that's your fucking problem? and if you don't like my cell phone conversation, like that's also your fucking problem? so, like, i don't really trust movement jews because, like, you know, you can never tell when they're going to, like join with zionists?

and anyway, like, muslims are just so awesome? they don't take any zionist shit, or amerikkkan shit, or british shit, or capitalist shit? i mean, like, maybe i should become a muslim? or, like, try it for a year or something? i mean, like, i wear a keffiyeh sometimes, but i need more than that. like, i need to be fucked by a muslim? that would just be so cool, because, like, fuck you mom and dad? i mean, like, my parents are so fascist? when i see my dad, i go, "yo hitler!" because he, like, has a job? like, he's all take, take, take. how about giving something back to the community? but dad doesn't give to greenpeace or the local mosque, so fuck him.

anyway, don't those jews know that they shouldn't oppress the party of god? isn't that cool -- party of god? like, i party too, like i have lots of friends, and we all party whenever the fuck we feel like it? we have a fuck capitalism party, a fuck bush party, and a fuck amerikkka party where keep an amerikkkan flag on the bathroom floor for squishing our used tampons on as a symbol of how the iraq war is fought with our blood for the moneyed ruling class.

professor kurgman says that partying is, like, learning? so, i'm not all bogged down with writing papers and shit. but these lebanese brothers and sisters, like, have a big fucking party, and like god is there. how cool is that! but the jews, like, have to go fucking ruin everything.

so fuck you, we're now gonna have a fuck-you party, where, like you can all go fuck yourselves.

fuck bush, fuck amerikkka, fuck israel, fuck capitalism, fuck everyone.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Zionists Murder 135 on Indian Trains

Bombs kill 135 people on board trains in India.

These bombings will never stop until the Palestinians have their state returned to them.

Similarly, these sort of things would also cease if the Zionists would just go away:

Racial Incidents Mar Italy’s Celebration

Italy’s interior minister, Giuliano Amato, said today that a number of swastikas were daubed on the walls of Rome’s Jewish quarter during the [World Cup] postgame festivities.

Monday, July 10, 2006

How To Help Black People

As a group that has faced more abuse, oppression, and genocide than any other, black people have a special need for my guidance. To be sure, they are not responsible for their racial tragedy, nor for the helplessness that has been imposed on them. So, to assist their plight for justice, I offer the following policy prescriptions:

1) Universalize Affirmative Action in Universities. Advanced university degrees (but not more than two PhDs!) must be awarded to all blacks regardless of their grades -- or whether they attended school to start with. Of course, today's affirmative action programs place academic certification in many black hands, but we must fight until every single black person is awarded a degree on the basis of their skin color. At that point, their value to employers will become immeasurable.

2) Introduce Affirmative Action in Prisons. Release all black prisoners. Black Prisoners = Political Prisoners. How do we know this? Because the prisons are disproportionately occupied by blacks. The release of black prisoners would result in disproportionately white prisons -- which would be a just remedy to compensate for the many years of racial imbalances among inmates. Furthermore, to remedy past discrimination, programs of racial profiling against white people must be introduced -- which will include the incarceration of white people who are guilty of racial crimes; i.e., being white. As a bonus to the black community, the re-immersion of prison inmates into society will provide a stabilizing influence among the youth. (The youth are the most vulnerable members of the black community, and would therefore benefit most from released prisoners.)

3) End All Policing. Police are the biggest enemy of black people, as evidenced by the horrific history of brutality, profiling, and disproportionate imprisonment. The obvious solution (at least to a highly educated and caring person) is the complete elimination of police forces in black communities. This will enable a people-based societal approach to mutual recognition and dignity. No more police brutality – ever again.

4) Reparations Now. Face it: Every aspect of the soft life enjoyed by white people can be traced to the legacy of slavery. We are the undeserving inheritors of stolen wealth, and we must therefore give back -- frequently and generously. Ideally, mass white suicide would be the best way to apologize for slavery. However, our racist culture discourages that, so as a poor substitute, every white person (regardless of their lineage) should hand over their property to black people, regardless of their individual lineage. The fact is that today's white people are clearly guilty for the crimes committed by other white people generations ago. And today's black people are owed compensation for wrongs endured by other black people from generations ago.

5) Islamic Conversion. Fortunately, this is a trend that is happening on its own, but there is still a need for proactive government enforcement of Islamic conversion. Simply put, Islam provides the discipline and moral framewoek that is missing from our racist, sexist, and homophobic society.

6) Provide More Government Jobs for Blacks. Unlike the cannibalistic orgy of capitalism that defines Amerikkka, government jobs not only provide honest careers, but also empower and protect those who hold them. As the most vulnerable members of society, blacks need empowerment and protection, and we therefore need more blacks in government jobs. Releasing them into the violent world of private business would only continue their genocide.

7) Require Black Political Representation. The only thing that stands between the life and death of black people (besides me) is the leadership of black politicians. I shudder to think of a world without Al Sharpton. The biggest threat to our very existence (other than the cruel Bush theocracy) is the continuing presence of dead white racists on our money instead of the visage of Reverend Sharpton on every bill of every denomination.

Please, remember to wear your "I Care About Black People" T-shirts every day; I do. They will admire you for that, just like they admire me.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Craigslist: Worse Than Nazis

As reported in March, the Chicago's Lawyers' Committee is suing Craigslist for violations of federal housing discrimination laws; here are more details.

Apparently, Craigslist has been publishing classified advertisements that show explicit prefeference based on race, color, religion, sex, familial status, and national origin.

There are 141 examples of such discrimination in the complaint, citing ads including human rights atrocities such as:

- "Neighborhood is predominantly Caucasion, Polish, and Hispanic."

- "All in a vibrant southwest Hispanic neighborhood offering great Mexican culture."

- "The neighborhood is orthodox Jewish for the most part with temples nearby."

- "Very quiet street opposite church."

- "Perfect place for city single."

- "Perfect for young couples."

- "Great for a single young professional or a couple."

- "Terrific 16-unit young professional building."

- "Excellent place for a single or couple."

Am I the only person who realizes that there is no difference between Craigslist and Nazis, except that Nazis are at least honest about their intentions?

In order to remedy this situation, Craigslist will be told to:

A) Desist from publishing discriminatory ads.

B) Develop and disseminate a non-discrimination policy that will include rules, stipulations, and applicable legalities. [I trust that there will be a 250-page lower limit on this document - Prof K]

C) Post a summary of this non-discrimination policy on their every web page.

D) Include a summary of this non-discrimination policy on all emails.

E) Place the phrase "Equal Housing Opportunity" on their every advertisement and correspondence.

F) Report the name of anyone seeking to place a discriminatory ad to the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development, and also to The Chicago Lawyer's Committee. [My favorite remedy, but why not report them to the IRS as well? - Prof K]

G) Provide website links to HUD and The Chicago Lawyer's Committee.

H) Delete accounts of any user who attempts to post a discriminatory ad. [I am assuming that this will include bank accounts. - Prof K]

I) Install screening software to prevent the placememt of discriminatory ads.

J) Send their employees to training at HUD or the National Fair Housing Alliance. [Re-education, the root of corrective behavior. - Prof K]

K) Compensate the Chicago Lawyer's Committee for expenses incurred for their monitoring of Craigslist.

L) Develop a fund to educate others on fair housing laws.

M) Pay attorneys' fees, actual damages, compensatory damages, punitive damages, and other damages.

I seriously doubt that these remedies will be enough. No remedy will ever be enough, in fact, because Craigslist has committed irreversible and permanent damage to the most vulnerable among us: Discrimination victims. Perhaps in the future, the Korean missiles will successfully hit their targets in Amerikkka, and thus wipe out history's greatest source of oppression; Craigslist and Amerikkka both make me ill.

And the racist thugs who advertise on Craigslist must also be corrected; perhaps a reverse class-action suit can be brought against the entire class of Craigslist bigots. But for now, the good news is that this will not end with Craigslist; apparently, is next. And it is only a matter of time until gets what is coming to them.

With freedom comes strict guidelines for behavior; violators are our enemies. And we will demand total compliance with the will of the community; uncooperative subversives like Craigslist and their advertisers will be dealt with as the plundering fascists that they are. The community will act as one: One group (though with many cultures), one people (though with diversity), with one goal -- complete equality and human interchangeability where every outcome is identical, and therefore without tastes, preferences, and desires.

I loathe Amerikkka.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

End Zionist Child Abductions

I enjoyed myself immensely at the Emergency Protest Against Assault on Palestinians the other day in San Francisco. Yes, I wept for the kidnapped Palestinians, but I also wept with the joy for the assembly of like-minded fighters for justice.

The Zionists have gone too far this time, having kidnapped children – innocent children! – to satisfy their satanic bloodlust for world domination. And because the Palestinians do not have nuclear weapons, they had no choice but to invite an enemy Zionist soldier onto their territory in order to lend visibility to their humane cause.

Here are the facts:

While there is a great outcry in the mass media about one captured Israeli soldier, the same media pays no attention whatsoever to the 9,000 Palestinian political prisoners being held illegally under terrible conditions in Israeli prisons. All of them were abducted by the IDF. At least 335 of these prisoners are children. Palestinian prisoners are systematically tortured by Israel, the only country in the world that has legalized torture.

Deliberately attacking the civilian population, with the intent of causing maximum suffering, is clearly a crime against humanity. What we are witnessing today in Gaza is collective punishment -- a war crime under international law -- against the entire population.

Israel's racist apartheid system and the latest assault on Gaza is supported by the Bush regime, Congress and the corporate media, because of Israel's vital role in Washington's project of Middle East domination.

Yes, there’s some redundancy in that last sentence, what with “racist” and “apartheid” being followed by “Bush regime”. But the important matter is that the world now knows that The Zionists have abducted the children. It must be true if progressives are protesting it.

And, just to show the insidious nature of the Zionist Enemy, it is impossible to find any reference to “Israeli child abductions” anywhere on the Internet except at Indymedia. Do a “Google” search yourself and see what I mean! So, if the Zionists have no control over the media, as their apologists claim, then how did all the news stories vanish?

Anyway, here is what must be done:

A) The Israeli soldier is entitled to a fair trial in The Hague before being hanged, and ...

B) After the dissolution of The Zionist Entity, Megan’s Law needs to be applied to every Zionist, worldwide, to alert homeowners of Zionists in their midst.

There is nothing lower than child abductors. Except Zionist child abductors.

Resist them!

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Words for July 4th

On this July 4th, let's listen to PhD candidate Kathy, on what Independence Day means:


july 4 is independence day, which is when malcolm x freed the slaves. i mean, is there anything sicker than slavery? no, i think not. and it just figures that amerikkka was the kkkapital of slavery. that's why black people live in poverty...because they were slaves. and it's why black people like, steal all the time? because they were slaves and can't help themselves.

but, i mean, they're not really criminals, like i'm so not a racist. like, i have a black friend, ok? she's like really cool because she really hates bush. fuck bush! i mean, i used to have a black boyfriend because it just looked soooo awesome and it really, like, freaked my parents out? but he like, vanished one day and i'm like all, oh my god, why? so i thought maybe i should lose some weight but those diets are like totally not effective because like i'll have like a salad? and after a while, i'm just so, you know, fuck the salad. but you can try a dozen diets and they won't work if you're not like, in touch with yourself? like, i have a friend who lost 12 pounds, ok, but you she can't keep it off and anyway, i have another friend who lost five pounds in a week, but she's like a total bitch, so fuck her.

i mean, i'm cool and all, but if you fuck with me, i'll be like a total bitch. it's a skill i have, like fuck you, ok? you have to, like, earn my respect?

so anyway, july 4th in the year of, like, whatever, was when slavery ended. but that's bullshit because fucking amerikkka is still, like, capitalist? and, like, we're all slaves to the capitalist class and the ruling class like how wal-mart has like millions and millions of slaves.

like, the world is OK and i'm cool with that, but amerikkkan slavery is just so vomititious that i want to live somewhere else like europe or africa or wherever. i mean, if you like amerikkka, you're either really stupid or really old. and old people suck so bad, like all they know are these like really boring stories about some wars in europe or wherever, and i'm like so, who cares? i mean, like, get over it!! i mean, these old people elected nixon, who was, like the most worst president ever, anywhere, until bush came along. nixon started slavery and malcolm x ended it, and now bush has like made us all slaves again, and is raping us too.

did u know that i was raped? yeah, i was raped by cheney. i put that in my dissertation.

i mean, there's sex, and then there's republican rape. and i am so not afraid to talk about my orgasms. i'll talk about them on the bus and in the food coop and in front of my parents. fuck them! i mean, the first ammendment is so cool because i can go the shopping mall and hand out flyers about progressivism and have naked protests inside the pizza hut because they, like, so exploit dairy farmers. i don't eat that shit anyway because i'm a vegan?

i mean, fuck the constitution! amerikkka's constitution is the bible of slavery. so, on july 4th, me and my friends are going to dc to burn the constitution. we'll be, like, so free afterwards?

fuck bush!

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Musings on Other Cultures XV: Ethnic Cleansing and Population Expulsions

The term "ethnic cleansing" connotes some of the most vicious moments in human history. Or does it? In fact, some of history's most progressive rulers used population expulsions as a way of improving their nation.

Let's look at some examples:

- Stalin transferred millions and millions around the Soviet Union. And in the process, produced a socialist utopia that we can only dream of in Amerika.

- In 1972, Idi Amin Dada, in a most enlightened move to revive Uganda as a true Sun Person's "black man's country", tossed out 80,000 Indians and Pakistanis.

- Over 300,000 Palestinians were thrown out of Kuwait after the 1990 Gulf War. (Needles to say, this is entirely different from the racist Zionist expulsion of Palestinians in 1948 after the Zionists provoked surrounding Arab nations into attacking.)

- The 1970 expulsion of Palestinians from Jordan -- again, an entirely different matter from what the Zionists do.

- The 1947 Muslim expulsion of Hindus from Pakistan.

- Jews have been tossed out of almost every country they ever lived in. These countries can't all be wrong!

- The Reconquista is coming! America belongs to the Sun People of Mexico, not the heartless Ice People who invaded from Europe.

- In 1978, the (legitimate!) Vietnamese government said "Bon Voyage!" to 200,000 capitalist "boat people". No more exploitation!

And on and on it goes -- a better life through population transfers. It is, after all, the will of the people; i.e., a democratic choice.

Will we ever have population expulsions in Amerika? Sure, the white people must go -- but at a minimum, how about transferring out the rich? The filthy exploiting rich. Someday, it will happen -- the working class will dominate.

Why can't we ever learn from superior cultures?

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