Monday, February 09, 2009

Twelve Reasons Why You Should Support President Obama's Economic Stimulus

1. It's a free lunch. Has any supporter of this bill discussed its costs? No. Therefore, there are no costs. All gain, no pain.

2. It increases the federal deficit. I cried and wailed when Mister Bush increased the deficit -- but now, I embrace it as a foundation of forward-looking economic progress.

3. It spreads the wealth. I am especially fond of tax credits that shift money from those who "earned" it to those who deserve it.

4. Demand up, prices DOWN. Any Nobel-prize winning economist can tell you that when demand is stimulated and people buy more and more things, then prices drop. When demand goes up, prices some down. Less is more!

5. It is an EMERGENCY. The emaciated corpses are rotting in the open sewers and the streets are running with blood. How much more suffering can we endure? This bill must be passed yesterday.

6. Experts always know what is best. Speaking as an expert myself, I of course know what is best for others. But of what use is this knowledge unless it is converted to action and enforced by law? And that is why the entire "spending sector" needs to be controlled by government.

7. It's green. Our toxic environment has shortened our lifespans to an all-time low. Global warming has already claimed millions of lives and has eradicated the diversity of life on this planet. This is why we need, now, without debate, thousands of new hybrid-electric government vehicles and comprehensive reconstruction of every government office building. Millions of homeowners everywhere are now demolishing their own homes and replacing them with new structures incorporating windmills and ocean energy -- so let's allow them to pay taxes for the government to do the same!

8. It is a bipartisan initiative. Or, at least it will be after we educate the Nazi GOP go along to get along.

9. Did someone say "Digital TV Coupons"?

10. It is post-racial. This is a bill devised by our newly-elected post-racial African-American leader, teacher, and mass mentor, President (and Ph.D?) Barack Hussein Obama. Opposition to the bill is therefore racist, and diminishes the stature of President Obama to the typical white person's caricature (and desire) of tossing slaves into gas chambers, just like the Zionists imaginary false claims about themselves. Free Gaza!

11. More government workers, more government contractors, more government projects. Is there anything more stimulating than millions of government workers at the beck and call of the citizenry? Well, perhaps only this...

12. It enhances my late-night Presidential fantasizing. Just ask this lady (and especially her commenters). I too have an insatiable appetite for Obama...and the Obama family!


Anonymous said...

It's good to have you back Professor. I know you have been very busy helping the President craft this bill. I am glad he has taken your advice on most things. Did you have a hand in setting maximum salary at $500,000? But I wonder why he did not also agree to make this the minimum salary for everyone? With that equality would be achieved and all economic problems solved. It's so simple!!

Anonymous said...

And Don't forget:
# 13 He raised the dead !

Shit that's my job!

O well I'll just make the greeks the chosen ones next time!

man I'm good !!

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